Monthly Archives: June 2014

According to NAMI, 60 millions adults (1 in 4) in the US suffer from mental illness, such as depression and panic disorders. Out of these folks, 14 million people (4 in 100) have a serious mental illness, ranging form bi-polar disorder, schizophrenia, and and severe depression. An estimated 15 million children (1 in 5) suffer from mental illness, with 20% of these kids, ranging from 13 to 18 years of age, that have a serious mental disorder.

Like me.

When I was 17, I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 and ADHD. And I’ve struggled with self-harm for close to 30 years.

Bipolar 2 is a mild form of bipolar disorder. There are two sides…hypomania and depression. Every few weeks my moods can switch from being manic to be being depressed and vice versa. Highs of euphoria, rapid speech, lack of sleep, impulsive decision-making. My mind goes a million cycles a second. I sometimes can’t keep up. When I go through a manic streak, there are times in which I have no idea what the hell I’m going to do next. Things just happen with no rhyme or reason. Everything that happens is like being on the outside of the Japanese bullet train…while really fucking high on cocaine.

Although most people who are bipolar only experience one full-blown mania episode in their lifetime, I can honestly say I’ve had three. One when I was just diagnosed around 1988, one in 1997, and one in 2012. Mania episodes are scary. And can be deadly. There of my suicide attempts happened while under these main episodes.

My low points tend to be the worst. Depression is an evil, vile emotional state that the Devil himself would be proud to take the credit for inventing. I tend to spiral into very dark, endless holes of blackness. I can’t think…I can’t breathe…I can’t even feel. Anything. I feel like I’m void of a soul. During these hellish depression streaks, I feel as if I’m dying. It feels as if I’m sinking in quicksand…being pulled down into the muck and mire by ropes attached to my ankles.

I was 12 or 13 when I first cut. I couldn’t handle the bullying I was experiencing. I blamed myself that these kids didn’t like me so I punished myself. I thought that things would chill out after 8th grade, but it didn’t. High school got worse. The bullying got to be so unbearable that the cutting continued. I’ve had a lifetime with struggling with self-injury. Each time I cut, I justify by saying, like a mantra, that i deserve to be punished.

It’s been almost three months since I last cut and, at this time, I do not have the desire to cut on a daily basis. This is fantastic progress for me. I don’t know what to do to stop harming. People like me need objective, neutral people to counterbalance those in our life whose emotions can’t handle their sons, daughters, moms, dads, or significant others harming themselves.

People like YOU can change the world of people like me. All we need, sometimes, is a shoulder to cry on. An extra long hug does wonders. A kiss on the forehead and a caress of the face shows true, earnest empathy and tenderness when the world is imploding and we feel like we are shit. We need someone whom we can learn to trust to talk about our story…without feeling judged or pitied or preached on with religion or a fucking self-help book.

We are the heroes of our stories…we don’t need to saved as Regina Spektor once sang.

But sometimes heroes fall.
And when heroes fall, we tend fall hard.
And fall epically.

That’s where you come in.

We’re sick and tired of being judged. I didn’t want to publish this blog or even share this with Stigma Fighters because prospective employers, as well as prospective significant others, would read this and instantly assume I’ll pull a Columbine-style shooting or find me, hiding in a small part of the office, slicing my legs up.

I’d rather live a life in a padded cell, knowing at any time I could end my own life, rather than endure intolerance by insensitive assholes that really don’t give a fuck about me. I NEVER ASKED FOR THIS FUCKING MENTAL ILLNESS. I did nothing to deserve the hell in which I’ve experienced in the past 43 years.

What we need is for you help us up when we fall. Pick us up, dust us off, and carry us when we cannot carry ourselves. Our stories can get to even the most strongest will. Our holes in which you pull us out can be very deep and very dark. But with your light, and others around us, we can see the light again.

All I ask from you and everyone else on the Earth is some respect, support, and for someone…ANYONE…to just treat me like everyone else.

To those who struggle…Stay strong brothers and sisters. Tell others you WILL NOT be teased, bullied, or otherwise made to feel like you’re a lesser person. By using your voice you say “I am better than how you treat me!” By using your voice, you assert that YOU are the strong one.

Stand up.
Use your voice.
You are loved.
You are not alone.

Stay strong.
Never EVER give up.

Peter M. Olsen is a Project Manager and the PR/Media Contact for the Semicolon Project, international non-profit dedicated to suicide, self-injury, and mental illness awareness. (projectsemicolon.org). He is a loyal Washington State Cougar and a Seattle Seahawks/Seattle Mariners fan. Peter has a blog called The Razor’s Edge. (razorcast.net) For more information, email peter@projectsemicolon.org or petermichaelolsen@gmail.com

On January 20 of 2010 my husband had me committed to the psychiatric ward in London, Ontario. He persuaded our daughter to call me and to ask me to meet her at a restaurant so that we could talk. When I arrived a police officer took me under a warrant. I was taken to the Emergency ward of the London South hospital and spent most of the night there waiting to be admitted. During this time I was not offered anything to eat or drink and ended up asking to go to the washroom where I drank from the tap.

There is no doubt that I was not in the normal frame of mind when my husband wrote up the application to have me arrested under the Mental Health Act. I had been having a rising in consciousness inside me and had been having visions and dreams, insomnia, downloads of inspiration. It was a time of disquiet in my mind. I had asked my daughters to help me do a video early the morning of the 18th of January, and this video, which I reviewed recently, showed me what state of mind I was in.

I was filled with fear and was trying to break through into a state of courage. I was sensing into the bone chilling fear that held me captive in a marriage that was dead. My “normal” self would not tell the truth about how afraid I was of my husband, instead my sub-conscious forced itself out and made me create an imaginary world where there were lord and ladies, kings and queens, a social structure that was constructed in my mind to provide some kind of sense. The funny thing is that now that four years have passed, I see the patterns in my so-called mania, and see wisdom embedded in it. The psychiatrist who saw me then diagnosed a panic attack.

I have since divorced my husband and I have made peace with the fear that drove me into a state of mania. I realize now that much of the reactive and unpleasant behavior that I exhibited was due to effects of post traumatic stress disorder, the roots of which lay in my childhood and also in my relationship to the man who became my boyfriend when I was 15, whom I married at the age of 18, and who became the father of our five children. Now that I am fifty six years old I want to offer an explanation for the craziness. An explanation that is logical, instead of judgmental.

I did not have the chance to develop my own identity before meeting my boyfriend. I was the eldest of four daughters and my mother divorced my father when I was nine. She married again shortly after and had another child. We then moved away from our relatives, including my father, when I was fourteen. Because of the move and the marriage, my parents thought it best to have one family name for all of us so my name was changed against my will. This seemingly logical decision plunged me into a deep depression, where I spent an entire summer incapacitated. I had lost the connection to my home and a void was created in me that quickly became filled with a vicious enemy: self hatred. I did not know who I was and it was easier to allow others to determine my purpose.

It’s important to state, at this point, that I take responsibility for everything that happened to me in my life. I don’t take responsibility for anyone being an asshole with me; I do take responsibility for my decisions. I have taken the time to do the autopsy on my life, slicing thin cross-sections and analyzing the emotions and events in order to better understand what happened and how I responded to those events. I don’t think that everyone has to do such an intense process, however, it was critical for me to do that because it has helped me to evolve and to become true to myself. I do not regret anything, I just seek to understand.

What has helped me the most to overcome those deeply seated feelings of self hatred, abandonment, feeling unwanted and unloved, alone, shame, self-abandonment has been to learn to use a set of tools. These include taking a product called Empowerplus (from a not for profit company named Truehope or also available through Q Sciences), I started taking this in March of 2010 and along with other nutrients has helped me recover from burn-out, depression and PTSD.

I have seen a therapist who has recommended I see a psychiatrist because she believes I disassociate. I have done that in order to cope with trauma. Disassociation is a common response to trauma, intelligent people disassociate so they can cope. It makes it hard for those around you to reach you when you go somewhere else. I used disassociation a lot to cope with being raped multiple times by my boyfriend, the same one who became my husband of 35 years. I was consumed with fear of him which was multi-layered. That fear is coming out of my system and every day I can see improvement in my functioning. I no longer keep all the blinds down in the evening. For as long as I can remember an imaginary man with the loaded gun trained on me would circle my house at night. That fantasy has evaporated in the last few years.

I am now able to hold and contain those traumatized parts of myself. I have forgiven myself for my vulnerability and innocence, for my mistakes, for being co-dependent, for being too religious, for screaming at my children and losing it when they needed me. I have had to forgive myself otherwise I would have stayed in the jail of a marriage where I was a hostage. There is a term for this: Stockholm Syndrome, it is common in cases of domestic violence. I never said anything, I acted out so I looked like I was crazy. In comparison my husband looked sane and emotionally distant. I am here to say that crazy is a coping mechanism.

My name is Shirley and I have reclaimed both my name and my life and live in Eastern Ontario in a village. I am a writer and am setting my own business as a Soul and Energy Coach through Spirit Matters Coaching. I am taking clients who want to go from crazy to grounded, from spinning to purposeful. My experiences have taught me to use my spiritual capacities to rise above any obstacle or challenge. My passion is playing with my horse Trevor and everything to do with nature. I am in a relationship and between us we have a pack of five dogs, two cats and a fish.

I suffer from depression. I’ve struggled with my mental health since my teens, though at that time I didn’t really know that’s what it was for the longest time. It has taken many subtle forms which I didn’t realize were part and parcel of it, or really abnormal in any way. A lack of focus, periods of intense lethargy and apathy, sever insomnia… these were all things I came to view as normal parts of life, and though they seemed to be odd sometimes, it was mostly written off as just a quirk.

Now, though, I understand that they are entwined with my mental state. My childhood environment did not allow for discussion of things like mental health. It was seen as a weakness, or as a temporary condition which was being inflated. For me, the idea was basically just that I had to toughen up, soldier on, and ignore things. Coping was easy and unhealthy. It was more acceptable to engage in risky behaviors than to seek help, so that was how I did it. Self-harm was a huge part of my coping mechanism, and I avoided seeking any kind of outside help like the plague.

I flirted with suicidal ideation on multiple occasions, and in my teen years made multiple attempts, which, true to the fashion of the local culture, were kept from my friends and family. I won’t bore you with a lot of gritty details.

When I entered college my coping mechanisms became healthier, turning to work and education to keep myself occupied, but I was still in denial about the state I was in. Fatigue and exhaustion were better companions than my thoughts and feelings. I tried to stay active and stay busy. The mental discomfort and blurriness were overcome by working myself to the bone.

As my undergraduate career came to a close, I begin to spiral lower as my life lost focus. It wasn’t until I began my graduate education that things came to a head. I had seen my mental state push my loved ones away, and alienate friends, family, and co-workers. It became a struggle to even put the faces on, to feign normalcy. I saw a decline in my academic competence that it really struck me that maybe I needed help.

Funny, isn’t it? Self-harm and suicidal ideation were just hiccups, but the second my grades started falling below expectations, I knew there was trouble. For me, it was the final straw. I’d lived with depression my entire life, but it took a lapse in something I had always been very capable and comfortable with before for it to really hit me. Given my background, I struggled for weeks with the idea of reaching out to the campus services, and it took a long argument with a dear friend to convince me to finally schedule the appointment.

The argument is important, because it focused on the illogical nature of avoiding treatment: mental health issues are not flaws in character, they are disruptions in our brain biochemistry. They must be treated just like any other disease or disorder would be. I struggled with therapy, and with just the idea of going. It took a lot of support and love to get me to a place where weekly sessions were bearable. I needed the support and love and guidance. I needed the constant reminders, because to me, every session I went to and every antidepressant I took was a blow to my pride, or, more specifically, to my intellectual vanity. The treatment, though, has helped.

Here I am, not too far down the road from this point of transition, and feeling the changes in my mood. The struggle is very real, and very difficult, and the risks are high if we avoid seeking treatment. Talking about mental health isn’t always easy. Many people simply cannot grasp the subtle nuances of mental health compared to an emotional state. They can be dismissive, insulting, or even overbearing. Good intentions don’t always mean so much, and so frank discussion is avoided. It’s a hassle to explain that you hate waking up every day. It’s a chore to have to put on a happy face and pretend to be anything more than empty. We begin to internalize these pressures, and they create a barrier to us bettering ourselves. How do you discuss such an important issue with someone who doesn’t understand, and always says the wrong things? Mostly patience, but that isn’t an easy conversation to start,, let alone feel like it isn’t being taken seriously.

For me, stigma was not realized as a direct interaction with ignorant people. I have observed it, and this kept me quiet and avoidant. Stigma has been a slow, aching alienation people, and from seeking treatment. The people around me were unaware, and I let the general feeling of otherness keep me from seeking treatment for a long time, instead relying on unhealthy behaviors to cope. I’ve found, now, that writing and music both play significant roles in my coping strategies. For me, stigma was a pervasive miasma of social dissociation, creeping into my interactions.

On the best days, it can still be bad. On the worst days, I still fall victim to some of these ideas. Self-stigma is the hardest to overcome, I believe, because it becomes so ingrained into our psyches. To give in to stigma is to give in to a culture of ignorance and fear as to what comprises mental health issues, and to deny ourselves the right to better ourselves and our mental state. There is a time to stop letting stigma dictate our personal health, and a time to not only reach out to others, but to take a stand for those who may not be aware that it is okay to speak out. You are loved. You are not alone. It does get better. I am proud of you for coming as far as you have.

Bio: Philip is a displaced New Yorker from a small border town, currently a transient looking for a place to call home (at least for a little while). Scientist by education, science nerd by passion. Mediocre musician and poet, aspiring to greater heights of mediocrity. Blog: http://embracethecoda.blogspot.com/ Twitter: @EmbraceTheCoda

STIGMA AND ITS HARSH CONSEQUENCES

“There is a perception that there is no stigma. But know, that it is alive and thriving”

Mental illness can strike anyone at anytime! It knows no age limits, economic status, race, creed or color. Yet despite widespread efforts to reduce the stigma attached to mental illness, Americans still perceive it as shameful. The Surgeon General, after reviewing scientific evidence, concluded that the stigma attached to mental illness constituted the “primary barrier” to treatment and recovery. Stigma could be reduced, many believed, if people could be convinced that mental illnesses were “real” brain disorders and not volitional behaviors for which people should be blamed and punished. Many prominent reports emphasize, scientific understanding as a way to reduce stigma, according to a new study published online this past September 15, 2013 in the American Journal of Psychiatry. 1

The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that by the year 2020 mental illness will be the second leading cause of death and disability.2 Ultimately, every society across borders and cultures alike will have to address the issue. However the question that arises in my mind is how will they? Will the issue of mental illness be embraced with awareness or will it be even further buried by the stigma that buries it in present day societies everywhere?

Stigma, stereotypes people with mental illness. It labels and creates feelings of anger; frustration, shame and low self-esteem and can cause discrimination at home, work, and school and in other areas of your life. For someone with a mental illness, the consequences of stigma can be completely devastating.

According to the medical profession, the biggest obstacle to people with mental health issues reaching out for treatment is, the feeling of being ashamed and frightened of its consequences once they have been labeled. Another contributing obstacle for people not reaching out for treatment is, continuously staying in denial. Talking about mental illness is a taboo subject. It is not just “dumping” how you feel, people should be encouraged to seek help like your family doctor, therapist, and not made to feel ashamed to join a support group.

Mental illness is seen as a weakness. I call it a mind condition, or a mind injury, which causes pain of the mind and the body. Many people with mental illness feel weak and vulnerable. I know, I have been a victim and have suffered from the consequences of being branded for life. Once I was branded, the constant ongoing stigma, and the monitoring of all my actions was degrading, demoralizing and was used as a weapon to bully me into submission from family, so called friends, business associates and even the law. People with mental illness are judged very harshly even by some members of the medical profession.

One of the biggest challenges in breaking the stigma of mental illness, is where it is perceived by others that you are ‘not balanced’ or ‘not of sound mind’, or ‘not quite right’ or ‘irrational’. Your state of mind is always in question, which leads to emotional abuse and you being made vulnerable from the very real threat of having people question your state of mind. Emotional blackmail is very destructive and is used as a weapon by when there are family disputes, relationships, employers, lawyers and even doctors. Mental illness is also used as a weapon in many marriage break-ups with one spouse accusing the other person of being an unfit parent. Lack of understanding by family, friends, colleagues or others you know. Most people who have never experienced being labeled as a person with mental illness, lack complete understanding of what it really means.

I was the chairman, CEO of a multimillion-dollar pioneering organic Food Company that was listed on the stock exchange and had the misfortune of having a complete mental breakdown due to the uncontrolled stress of my life. I lost a lifetime of hard work, my self-respect, family and most of all my freedom. My bank accounts were frozen, credit cards confiscated, passport taken from me and was made a ward of the state. But I survived, and fought back and to the amazement of the doctors cured myself completely, of a condition of the mind that they all said was incurable.

That was over 16 years ago, shortly after my mental breakdown, I was back at work and continued to be in the business arena working harder than ever, but the stigma relentlessly shadowed me, monitored and questioned every aspect of my life. It still follows me around to this day. Many a time, when I have been confronted with someone being upset with me, a serious disagreement, argument, dispute, legal issue or litigation, the brand “stigma” pops up, and it is an issue people can’t help but take advantage of. In my own personal experience, when I have been called a ‘lunatic’, ‘you’re not quite right’, ‘you need psychiatric help’, you are ‘unwell’, you should be locked up in a mental institution because that is where you belong, are extremely severe, hurtful and harmful abuse that I experienced to this day – it is far worse than physical abuse. This has lead to threats of blackmail and /or intimidation, all of which happened to me.

I for certain became a victim, and the stigma still sticks to me and I have not been able to get away from it entirely. During the last sixteen years I have from time to time having to prove that I am of sound mind. I even had the misfortune of having a well-known academy award winning movie star and a producer, with whom I was in business with briefly as an investor, questioning my state of mind and my sanity, threating me that if I took legal action against them they would play the mental illness card! They said to me that no one will believe a madman, but they would believe an academy award winning movie star. During legal proceeding their lawyers asked me for all my medical records, and during taking my deposition kept provoking me, asking if I was on medication and questioning my soundness of mind. I was the prevailing party of the legal dispute. The whole proceeding was humiliating and the stigma stuck like super glue.

Many feel that mental illness is genetic; and that they have no way of overcoming it. It is my strong belief that many mental illnesses can be overcome and be cured, and can be initially caused by learnt behavior. A combination of stresses of life, what one is exposed to over a long period of time and making poor lifestyle choices. Compare the reaction of people when you tell them you have cancer, to telling them that you have a mental illness for instance bi-polar disorder. They are sympathetic towards a physical illness but very judgmental of a mental illness and may conjure up all sorts of excuses to avoid you as if you belong to a leper camp. Stigma finds it way to haunt people where they may be discriminated at work or school, may have physical violence, harassment in their lives, where the world has become a bit of a bullying place.It is where health insurance doesn’t adequately cover your mental illness bills. The belief that you will never be able to succeed at certain challenges or that you can’t improve your situation.

What are we going to do about it?
Awareness of the condition is very important and helps prevent it escalating to the next level. Stress Pandemic: 9 Natural Steps will help break the cycle and the LifeReStyle process will help you develop resilience to the stigma and branding surrounding mental illness. Prevention is the key; it is far better than recovery.

How can we demolish the wall of stigma if we cannot find the courage to express our experiences with mental illness, to not feel so alone, don’t have doubt and share; and most of all have hope that you will beat the stigma. Try our best to never give up. We think we are the only one with the problem. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Never ever give up. You are not alone.

By PAUL HULJICH – Author, Stress Pandemic.
(June6, 2014)

1) http://ajp.psychiatryonline.org/article.aspx?articleid=102500
2) Huljich Paul, Stress Pandemic, Mwella Publishing, p60 – 61

Paul Huljich co-founded Best Corporation, a pioneering organic foods company of which he was chairman and joint-CEO. In leading the company to great success, during which its value grew to more than $100 million. Huljich gradually developed a number of stress-related conditions, including anxiety and depression. Ultimately, in 1998, he had a complete mental break down, as a result of years of unchecked stress since he was a teenager. He lost his rights as a citizen and was made a ward of the state. He lost a life time of hard work.The consequences of which was disastrous to him and his immediate family.

Despite seeking the best care available, Huljich was informed that there was no cure for his illness, and that he would inevitably relapse, he felt like a broken man. Determined to free himself of his conditions, he began a comprehensive search for answers as why this happened to him. He traveled to the world-renowned Mayo Clinic in Minnesota and voluntarily admitted himself to the Menninger Clinic in Kansas for treatment.

Aided by exhaustive research, Huljich ultimately succeeded in fortifying himself and conquering his stress. He was able to overcome his debilitating conditions and accomplish a healthy, positive way of life, naturally. He developed the nine-step LifeReStyle Process to break the cycle of stress and achieve a unique LifeRestyle Solution and thrive.

Since the year 2000, Huljich has not taken any medication related to any condition of the mind, nor has he suffered any relapse or needed any further treatment regarding any kind of mental illness. He has fully cured himself and has never felt better.

Today he is back, better and stronger than before. He shares his personal story, his struggle, his difficulties and finally his path to complete recovery and optimum wellness in Stress Pandemic (Ed2): 9 Natural steps to break the cycle of stress and thrive.

Huljich is now one of America’s top stress experts, a public speaker, a stress management and LifeReStyle coach, a member of the American Institute of Stress.

He is also the author of the Psychological thriller Betrayal of Love and Freedom. He has appeared in over 500 radio shows including BBC, Bloomberg, and Fox television, a regular personality on television and press, while blogging for Psychology Today and conducting motivational seminars. Paul has been conducting seminars in the Omega Institute in NY and on the Island of Maui - Hawaii to mention a few. He is a regular speaker at many collages and Universities.

Huljich is the father of three sons: Mark, Simon and Richard. He resides in New York City for most of the year and visits his homeland, New Zealand, regularly.
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