Monthly Archives: October 2012

I’ve been thinking a lot about this, and I’ve come to a conclusion; toddlers are terrorists.

Here’s how it breaks down:

Two year-olds are Kamikaze pilots. 
They’re on a mission to destroy themselves. They wish to explode in more ways than one.

Three year-olds are terrorists. 
They’ve moved past the stage of thoughtless self-destruction and attempts to murder themselves, and they’re on to plotting the destruction of your world. They will stop at nothing until they get their way.

Four year-olds politicians.
These small humans are an entirely different story. Four year-olds aren’t terrorists at all, they’re politicians. They’re tired of trying to sabotage themselves, and they’ve moved on to trying to prove you wrong through intense questioning sessions. Why? How? Who? Where? They’re relentless. A lot of the time, this group employs circular logic in order to achieve their goals, and their arguments often lack rationality.

The question on my mind is, what are five year-olds according to this model?

Ari has a new friend at school. His Pre-K teacher told me about him. Apparently they play in Magnatiles together all the time. When he comes home from school, Ari talks about his friend. I asked Ari’s teacher if I could contact Ari’s new friend’s mom.

“Oh that would be great, but just a heads up, she doesn’t speak very much English.”

I knew Ari’s friend’s name, but I didn’t know what nationality he was. Mint and I looked online and we determined that his name was Chinese.

I looked on the class contact sheet. The email address from Ari’s new friend’s mom was at a Chinese website. I emailed her.

I didn’t hear back…

So I called her.

“Hi Ellen (fake name) my son Ari is in your son Billy’s (fake name) class. Ms W. says they play  together in Magnatiles. I was wondering if you wanted to have a play date.”
“Oh…yes. Sorry, I don’t speak so much English.” Said Ellen with a nervous giggle.
“That’s okay, what language do you speak?”
“Cantonese.” She said.
“Oh, well then I’ll have to learn Cantonese then.”
We laughed.
“Do you want to meet after school and go to the playground?”
“Is this with other classmates?” Asked Ellen.
“No, no, it’s just me, you, Billy, and Ari. What do you think?
“Oh, okay, okay.” She said laughing nervously again.

I’m excited for Ari and Billy to play together, but I’m so curious as to how they communicate. I suppose when you’re four play is more physical than verbal anyhow.

Any suggestions for our play date? Should I buy a Cantonese dictionary?

I’m gassy. I love coffee. If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands. I’m clenching my jaw. It’s my dad’s birthday and I’m nervous. It’s raining and I have to go outside and exercise. I can’t believe Samara escaped on the playground yesterday. Everyone there must have thought I was a terrible parent. My heart is so open it scares me sometimes, I love my friends though. I also love cats. Sometimes I feel like I’m too hard on Samara. She’s only 22 months. I will be sad if no one reads this. Are you reading this? I’m an attention whore. Good thing I’m
not a regular whore. I wonder where the word whore came from. I need to get a shell necklace to protect my open heart. I am eccentric. It’s so hard to give up dairy, because I love cheese.

I know you’re having a busy day, stranger that is staring at me while I attempt to open a giant heavy metal door. You don’t seem that busy to me. You’re reading The New York Times and drinking a seemingly delicious cup of joe, but do you think that you could pause your hectic life just long enough to assist me with opening the door? It would really make my day. No? You’re a fucking asshole.

Hello, yes, I need help lifting this stroller down the subway stairs. It’s really hard, and my neck and back are bothering me. I don’t want to have to ask for help. I will ask the next available strong looking man that passes by to help me take the enormous stroller down the stairs.

I don’t think I should have to ask him though. I wish I lived in a place where people were more aware of one another and had empathy.

Chivalry is dead. But so is empathy apparently.

I just want someone to hold the door for me, even if it’s the fucking elevator door. But a “real” door would be great too. Sometimes, I can’t hold my bag, the stroller and a water bottle and open the door. It’s just not feasible. I’m sorry, society. I’m sorry that I am overwhelmed with life.

But still, someone should really hold the door for me, especially if that particular person isn’t busy, and they’re staring at me blankly, watching as I am attempting clumsily to open the door. It’s not like I’m asking for money. I just want them to help me open the door, which I clearly cannot open.

It’s just a door for G-d sake!

The next time I see someone struggling with a door, I’m going to help that person. I swear, don’t test me, I will do it.

I will.

Hold…

the…

door…

for…

you.

It’s a door.

After I watched the video of Amanda Todd spilling her soul about being horrifically bullied I had a thought.

Here’s the video in case you haven’t seen it:

The story is tragic. Here’s a beautiful young girl who made a mistake; revealing her breasts over the internet. Consequently, she’s punished over and over again. She’s tortured and bullied to the point where she takes her own life.

In itself, this is a horrific tale. But what makes it far worse, as my friend Justin pointed out to me, is the comments that are being made on the tribute pages.

People are saying things like “I’m glad she’s dead.”

Amanda Todd was a girl, she was a daughter, she was a friend, and (most importantly) she was a human being. She was not a serial killer. She doesn’t deserve to have this malicious backlash of comments about her after she is dead.

The problem here is  our troubled society. Our children are lacking empathy. I’m not sure how that happened, but it needs to be fixed immediately.

Empathy is an integral skill that should be taught to every human being.

What we should be thinking and writing on these pages, is “how sad,” “rest in peace,” “a life is lost.” Statements like that that show concern, love, and empathy.

All of us as human beings have felt some degree of pain; pain feels awful. Clearly, Amanda was in a lot of pain. As humans that have experienced pain, we should be able to think to ourselves, and even articulate out loud “Wow, she hurting, that’s really tragic, I know what it’s like to hurt, I feel for her.”

We must take action. We need to remedy the fact that some of our children are lacking this skill. Society cannot tolerate this malicious behavior.

Teach your children to respect other people’s feelings. Teach your son or daughter to empathize with others. Teach them to name how they feel out loud. Teach them to name how other people are feeling out loud.

Empathy is important. If we could all be more empathetic, think about how our society could drastically change.

I was futzing around on Facebook the other day, when I noticed that my friend Claire liked “The Honest Company.” I thought to myself, I wonder what that is. It turns out that The Honest Company is an organic baby and house product company.

Then I noticed that they had a free trial! So I sent away for the diaper bundle trial and the essentials trial. I just paid shipping (it was like five bucks or so) and I got a lovely surprise in the mail. Check it out:

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So far, I’ve tried the diapers and they’re awesome. Thank you Jessica Alba! I’ll report back on the household supplies and toiletries.