Monthly Archives: August 2009

Although I don’t like to admit it, I like routine. I enjoy having a schedule; knowing what my plans are for the upcoming day, week and even month. Having a child has allowed me to foster a shameless love affair with my calendar.

Pre-child, I would have identified as more of a spontaneous person who occasionally dated routine; but never had a serious relationship with it. Well, times have changed and routine and I are officially in love.

Where am I going with this? Today I received communication that threatened the course of my routinized life. So I reacted in the most appropriate way I could think of: I panicked.

I promptly called my mom and asked her what to do.

“Mom! I thought I had everything planned out. But now XYZ just happened and I don’t know what to do!” I exclaimed

My mom felt my fierce rays of anxiety penetrate through the telephone. She took a deep audible breath and responded:

“You can’t worry about XYZ right now. You have to focus on that you are doing at this moment. XYZ is going to happen regardless of whether or not you worry about it, so why bother? Focus on the now.”

From her response, it was apparent that my mother had just come out of a mediation session. But she did have a point. I was so worried about an event undercutting my tomorrow, the next day and the day after that, that I had totally lost sight of what I was doing at that very moment.

“Thanks Mom.” I said. And breathed a sigh of relief. I hung up the phone, walked over to where my son was playing and I (myself) started building with blocks.

We sat there together (my son and I) creating indecipherable colorful structures and then it hit me:

My son is only concerned with this very moment. He is enjoying playing with his blocks. He doesn’t care about tomorrow, or next week or even next month. All that concerns him is right now. This is “the now” that my mom was referring to.

So for today, I have put my schedule out of my mind. I am focusing on “the now.”

When I was riding the subway today, I let my mind wander (as I tend to do on public transportation) and I began thinking about fear. As a child I was afraid of many things: roller coasters, big dogs, large social gatherings, my parents never coming home when I was left with a babysitter, just to name a few.

Then I thought about my son. What will he be afraid of?

I want him to be able to conquer his fears as I never had a chance to do with many of mine. Although I am no longer afraid of large canines, I still will not get on a roller coaster and parties continue to make me nervous. I suppose conquering one’s fears is a process and is multifaceted. One thing is evident, parental encouragement to face one’s fears can only help alleviate them.

What I realized (when I reflected back on my childhood) is that my parents were respectful of my fears; they validated the fact they were real (which was helpful and made me feel secure) but they did not push me to face them.

This is not to say that it was their responsibility to help me face my fears. I am the only person who can truly do this. I was mainly thinking about what a parent’s role can be with regard to their child’s fears.

Furthermore, I wonder what can I do to instill confidence in my son so that he has the tools to conquer his fears head on. I want him to experience life and take risks that I never took because I was too afraid to leap.

Sometimes being cautious is an asset, other times being too careful leads one to miss out on life experiences.