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I have a store! I am lucky to have friends that know how to do graphic design. My awesome friend Alexandra Sullivan took the OS/NS mom logo (created by my best friend Mint) and morphed it into a logo ready for tee-shirts and other cool things like these:
If you feel so inclined, check out the items! All proceeds go to my journey to BlogHer13.
Hooray!
Here’s the link to the shop. It’s called: Philosophy Factory!
I was born and raised in New York City. As a child, I remember being taken to various restaurants, museums, and other typically “adult-centric establishments.”
Now I have my own children. And guess what? No one wants children around in public places in New York City.
I cannot tell you how many restaurants I’ve been to where I’ve gotten dirty looks because my daughter is two years old and wants to run up and down the aisle of the place. I try to tell her to sit down, but she doesn’t listen to me. I try to threaten her “we’re going to leave if you don’t behave.” Then she listens for a minute and promptly proceeds to do whatever I told her not to do because she’s two.
I try to discipline my kids. But you know what, even when they’re behaving “normally” I still get dirty looks from people in public places.
I know I’m a good parent and I do the best that I can. But I think there may be a geographic problem here. New York is not a child-friendly city.
My friend Bonnie lived in Portland, Oregon for some time. She told me that she was able to take her children (Ages five and two) to white table cloth restaurants with absolutely no problem. The waitstaff and patrons were nice to her and there were no dirty looks.
The other day, my friend Adriana and I went to get our haircuts. Not even thinking twice she brought her 10 month old baby to the salon. The salon did not advertise that there was a “no kids” policy.
“Oh…there’s a baby,” said the Salon director “I’m sorry, but we can’t have a BABY here.” She looked at Adriana’s daughter like five headed dragon entered the salon.
It’s a baby! What the fuck? Are you fucking serious?
Adriana’s baby sat quietly for two hours waiting while I got my haircut. The salon told us that the only way they would cut Adriana’s hair was if we took turns sitting with the baby. The baby sat patiently the whole time. Two hours passed. The manager approached Adriana and said:
“I’m sorry, there just isn’t time to do your hair.”
I was furious. I asked to speak to the manager and I wrote an angry letter to the owner of the salon.
In other cities and (for that matter) other countries this would not happen.
Why are New Yorkers such assholes to parents?
Thoughts?
Christopher Powers is a Stay At Home Dad living in Georgia with this beautiful wife, Alana, three kids and one on the way.
He blogs at A Man in a Woman’s World. Being a SAHD comes with it’s set of issues. One of the things Christopher struggles with is making play dates with other parents. One of my favorite lines I’ve read from his blog is “I have more in common with your wife than you. Don’t be intimidated.” And it’s true. Here’s what Christopher has to say about being a SAHD:
Since a young age I had always been interested in being a parent that stays at home. There was just something rewarding about taking care of the needs of a family to me. As I got older and the dream jobs of a young child seemed to become either not as interesting or impossible the idea of a being a stay at home parent stuck. I graduated high school, got a full time job and bought a condo but the thought of being a stay at home parent still lingered about in my mind. It was just an idea I couldn’t shake. It wasn’t always in my mind but at this point in my life I had to admit it was trending.
The first opportunity to follow this idea came when Alana, my wife, got pregnant with our first child Leilani and she worked with me to quit my job to stay at home with her. Since then we now have three children going on four and I’m still at home and loving every second of it. My wife has allowed me to follow my idea that has blossomed to be my dream come true and I can’t help to say that Alana, my children, and myself are all benefiting from it. My future has forever changed and I look forward to it and sharing all my experiences that have helped shape it along the way.
I have more in common with your wife than you. Don’t be intimidated.
As a stay at home parent and homemaker an interesting thing I encounter is that I always have more in common with the mother/wife of couples that have kids. This subject really links back to an idea I have about men staking their claim in their children’s upbringing. Typically I have found couples to be very divided on their duties as parents within the house. I would venture a guess the wife took over with the children early on and the father probably threw in the towel. I’m not saying these dads are bad. Most of these couples work things out just fine with child responsibilities and so on. My point is that if you take into consideration that I staked my claim to parenting and the fact that I am the main caregiver of my children, I end up having more in common with most wives/mothers than I do husbands/fathers.
When I interact with couples in social events I always find myself conversing with the women of the group. Some of them work full time, part time, or stay at home. We talk about the kids and typically the conversation leads to the husbands not getting half of what we as either primary child stakeholders or stay at home parents are trying to do . Now once the topics go to crafts and fashion that is when I bow out but for the most part I do all the cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, toilet training, and any other unsavory duties non child stakeholders or non stay at home parents/homemakers don’t have to do. I’m not complaining at all. I actually love it. But in a lot of households it is not the husband doing most of this.
When 90% of my life revolves around taking care of my children and my wife’s needs I just don’t have much to add to sports and business talk most husbands I have met use as conversation. When Alana and I meet new people with kids I typically hit it off with the wife more than the husband because in most households, even with two working spouses, I have more in common with the wife than the husband. With most new parent hangouts we wind up really get along with the other couple and everything seems awesome. We usually conclude our meeting by saying we should get the kids together. Unfortunately when the time comes to follow through, couples with stay at home moms or moms as the primary child stakeholders always ask for family play dates. This means they want my wife and I there with out kids and not just me. Most of my individual attempts to set up a time to hang out with the kids gets ignored or excuses are made as to why it won’t happen when only the other couples wife would be available.
I personally find it odd really. I’m not sure if it is intimidation from the husband or worry from the wife as to how it may look. I typically get the cold shoulder or excuses when trying to get play dates involving just me coming over. If the other couples husband is there or Alana comes with me then it seems to be fine. At first I didn’t think anything of it but eventually I got the picture after running into this situation over and over again. Perhaps I find it odd because Alana and I are so confident of our relationship that she is perfectly fine with me engaging with the opposite sex for the sake of providing interaction for our children and adult interaction for myself.
Don’t get me wrong. There are a couples out there that are awesome and don’t seem to care but I have seen more that do. If Alana isn’t there or the other woman’s husband isn’t there when I come alone I get cancelled on regularly. And then it gets rescheduled by the wife and eventually canceled again. It is a royal pain for me because I click so well with the mothers because I am usually in the same shoes as them with the kids and other responsibilities. Along with this I can usually sense their frustration with the situation but the real fact as to why they cancel is rarely mentioned. A few moms have voiced the real issue and for that I am thankful for the truth. Some of them even stand up to their husbands and let them know it’s not about their insecurities and I thank them for that as well.
In the long run this is something I have noticed over time. At this point it is pretty obvious that some couples are just not comfortable with me being around their spouses by myself because I am of the opposite sex. Perhaps stay at home dads are just one of those societal changes that haven’t become fully acceptable yet. If so I hope that through a multitude of good experiences and open minds that eventually it does.
A little while ago, I wrote a post called I’m Not a Blog Rock Star. I talked about the fact that I’m a real person who copes with social anxiety.
Even though I share a lot about my life online, I’m afraid to go to parties and be in large groups.
There’s a big conference coming up for bloggers in July. It’s called BlogHer. It happens every year, and can never afford to go because I’ve been a SAHM for five years and (even though I’m also freelancer and substitute teacher) I don’t make very much money at all.
I started a grassroots campaign to send myself to BlogHer.
If you enjoy reading what I write, if I make you laugh, if you love me, please donate to send me to BlogHer. There are awesome prizes for every level of donation. If you have any suggestions for additional incentives for donating please comment below.
Without further ado, here’s the campaign link. My goal is to raise $650 to attend BlogHer. With your help I can take this blog to the next level.
I was talking with my friend, Jon. He and his fiance Becky (like me) have two small children.
“Listen, anytime you and Becky need a babysitter let me know! I would love to watch them.” I told him. And I meant it. Of course I would have to bring my own kids with me or his kids would have to come to my house, but still I meant what I said.
On the other hand, I’ve encountered a curious situation regarding babysitters.
I cannot tell you how many times friends have said this statement to me:
“Anytime you need a babysitter, let me know!”
Yet, when the occasion does arrive, and I actually do need a babysitter, the same people who were enthusiastic about watching my kids, mysteriously have other plans.
Now don’t get me wrong, I know my friends have their own lives to live, and they’re doing awesome things. But please do us all a favor, don’t say shit you don’t mean. If you say “I’d love to babysit your kids, anytime!” Mean it, or don’t say it at all.
A lot of times what people really mean when they say “I’ll babysit anytime you need me” is “your kids are really cute. I wouldn’t actually want to watch them, but they’re adorable.”
But seriously, if you think that you should say it.
The end!
There’s a monster in a cave. It has blue skin, fangs and blood dripping from its mouth. It’s salivating, hungry for more.
I’m terrified to enter the cave. I left my purse in there.
I know I need to get my bag, but I don’t want the angry blue monster to see me.
My heart is pounding. I tiptoe softly towards the cave using all lowercase letters on my feet.
I enter the cave’s opening. There it sits, the blue monster in the darkness.
I realize as I come closer that the blood wasn’t blood at all. There was ketchup dripping from its mouth. And the blue skin was just painted on.
The “monster” is sitting in the cave with bright eyes. It is just as scared as I am. As I come closer, I realize that it’s not even a monster at all. It’s a little boy.
The boy begins to cry. I notice my purse next to him. I unzip it and hand him a tissue. He blows his nose.
I hug him tight.
“I’m sorry.” I say. “I don’t know why I was afraid. Can we be friends?”
He nods.
I take his hand. He stands up and together we walk out of the darkness of the cave into the sunlight.
I am not afraid.
We are brave. We are together. We are one.
Today was my trial day teaching two-year olds. I was nervous about getting to the school on time, so I pretended that I had to be there 30 minutes earlier than I was really supposed to get there.
Wow. Today was intense. Two year-olds are snuggly but they are also high energy and extremely physical. They also cry a lot.
It’s interesting, because I also have a two and 1/2 year-old daughter at home. I realized a lot about Samara after spending a day with 12 two year-olds. I appreciated her more.
At two and 1/2 Samara is learning language at a rapid pace.
The kids I spent today with were still pre-verbal for the most part, but the words they did know they were excited to share!
What I love the most about two year-olds is how emotionally raw they are. If they’re sad, they cry. If they’re angry, they scream, if they’re happy they laugh. And they display all those emotions intensely.
I can’t wait to learn more from this group.
My dad is awesome. He’s a Libra like me and he has an infectious laugh. Whenever he laughs, I laugh.
He’s an actor, and when I was in fifth grade he started an acting class for me and my friends.
He’s never been an animal person, but the first dog he ever bonded with was my childhood dog, a German Shepherd/Border Collie mix. Her name was Villa.
Integrating the old and the new to help develop a well-rounded child. Read more about the purpose of this blog in this key post
For more information about Old School/New School Mom Click About OS/NS Mom
© 2009-2014 Sarah Fader. Thank you for not copying my images or words without permission.
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