You Don’t Have to Like Me
It's okay if you don't like me. Really it is. I have a problem where I want everyone to like me. It's seriously a problem. I think it's called being a human being. I don't know how to get over this problem. The only solution I have is to articulate this sentence: I do not have to be liked by everyone. It is okay when someone doesn't like me. Not everyone likes everyone. So I'm going to be okay with you not liking me, whoever you are.
To the millennial employees who just kicked me out of the fancy coffee shop because my 5 year old was losing her shit – i can’t fucking WAIT till you have kids. GalleryTo the millennial employees who just kicked me out of the fancy coffee shop because my 5 year old was losing her shit – i can’t fucking WAIT till you have kids.
To the millennial employees who just kicked me out of the fancy coffee shop because my 5 year old was losing her shit – i can’t fucking WAIT till you have kids.
This story started as a Facebook post. "To the millennial employees who just kicked me out of the fancy coffee shop because my 5 year old was losing her shit - i can't fucking WAIT till you have kids." I wrote this status because this actually happened to me and my daughter in a store on Smith Street and 2nd Place called Milk Bar. If you ever go there, I highly recommend the sparkling water - it costs $1.63 and comes in a beautiful blue bottle. Every time I buy it I feel like a princess as I sip on on it. My name "Sarah," actually means princess in Hebrew. Okay, enough with the tangents. Let's get to the story; the terrible story. After school, I took my kids to Milk Bar for two sparkling waters. My kids sat on two stools as I collected the magical bottles of sparkling goodness and split one of them between my son (8) and my daughter (5). Naturally, because my daughter is a child, she spills things frequently. Today, she decided to spill her sparkling water intentionally on the stool in order to make a "lake" for her stuffed monkey to swim in. She [...]
Angel Isn’t Evil – He’s in Love
On the series Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Angel (Angelus) turns evil after experiencing one moment of true happiness when he makes love to Buffy. For those of you that don't know the story, I'll break it down for you: Angel is a 200 plus year old vampire who tortured and maimed several human beings. He was known for being especially malicious to his victims psychologically. Angelus murdered a young gypsy girl and this time he went too far. The tribe of gypsies cursed him with a soul. This meant that he was aware of every terrible act he had committed over the years. He could no longer carelessly kill human beings, because the thought of hurting anyone else made him physically ill. And he's a vampire. Oh snap! That sucks dude. I'm sorry. Instead of feasting on live humans, homeboy subsisted on O Positive bags that he got from Sunnydale Hospital. Hey man, whatever works. Angelus turned into Angel when he was given a soul. BYE BYE EVIL VILLAIN. Now he's gotta be a wimp. Many Buffy fans think that Angel is way less interesting than Angelus and they are right. Angel is kind of a dip shit. Angelus is [...]
Be In Me
Touch me again. Hold me close. Be in me. I feel your skin. Everything is horrible and wonderful wrapped up in a hurricane. You're my drug. I breathe you in and feel you inside me. Warmth and exhilaration resonates through my body. Starting inside my chest and pouring all the way down out me. You don't know what you do to me. You may never never know.
The Fine Art of Pushing Men Away
I don't want to write this because if I write this I admit that I have a problem. I'm not a drinker or drug addict, that is not my problem. Though I used to work in a residential treatment facility, so I know many nice recovered addicts. Anyway, the point is, I have a problem. When a man starts to get close to me, I freak out and I push him away. I do this in a variety of creative self-destructive ways. But this shit is getting old, and I (too) am getting older. I'm 36 years old and I don't want to be alone forever. I need to stop pushing real men that like me away. This is sad sad sad. That is not an actual sentence and i don't even care. That "I" wasn't capitalized but I am too busy crying to go back and capitalize it. What the hell is wrong with me? I must have relationship PTSD. I have regular PTSD, so it's not surprising that I would have another form of PTSD. I can't do this anymore. It's not that simple though. I can't just "stop pushing people away." I need to figure out what [...]
Ripped Open
Ripped open raw tiny shards of glass infiltrate my chest and I can't stop looking down. The blood pours poorly It is slow and it is painful and I don't want to hear your voice again because it reminds me that I can never be right in your eyes. What does it mean to you? You chose to block my words because you can't handle the truth and so I shouldn't need not can't blame you for your purposeful silence. I do blame you because you know how he hurts me and you choose to pretend that I am crazy. I am raw and real and a little bit broken but I am also a human being and I won't let you control the way I feel think act do. Broken is better than blind. I can see through the tears and they stream down my face and the blood pours poorly slowly to the ground from my chest cavity. I don't want you to notice except that I do want you to notice and hold me tightly in your arms like you used to. Will you do that? Will you be there like a [...]
I wrote a post about sexuality and misogynists came out to remind me about rape culture
I wrote a post about female sexuality. That was my first mistake. I posted it on the Internet, that was mistake number 2. I read the comments that was mistake number 3. I started to go deep down into the rabbit hole. There was a comment on Facebook where one reader actually called me a narcissist and I completely fucking lost it. I am someone who cares deeply for other people. I run a mental health non-profit organization. I will give you the shirt off my back. I love people and I care vehemently about helping them. When this douchebag called me a narcissist I wanted to scream and cry and that is what I did. I went into my bed and cried hard. Granted it's not the only reason I cried yesterday. I have been dealing with a bunch of other life shit but that tipped me over the edge. It's difficult to write the way that I write and be vulnerable and transparent. I sometimes have to force myself to purge the words that I am afraid to say. It's important to me to write candidly because for many years I was used to repressing emotions. I didn't speak [...]
How to Order a Phone From @Verizon in 2016 – It’s NOT EASY
I have had the iPhone 4S since the prehistoric times. Me and my cavemen friends sat around a fire that they made from sticks and I searched for an outlet to charge my phone. They couldn't speak real words, so my phone died. I decided that it was time to get a new phone because my phone was dead after using it for five minutes. I reached out to Verizon using a "land line" that one of the cavemen directed me to. After putting my phone number into the "system," Verizon asked me for my pin. I put that in also. A representative materialized and he asked me to repeat everything I just put into the "system." I was infuriated but I did it. He then asked me what I wanted. So I told him I wanted a new phone. He told me I could pay for it monthly for 27 dollars if I gave Verizon 78 dollars up front. I just so happened to have 78 dollars that day. So I decided to go for it. ISN'T THIS STOEY SO EXCITING? I got my debit card out and I was ready to pay for the taxes. HOLD [...]
Ratchet & Clank – A Great Film For Kids #ratchetandclankmovie #sk #ad
I had the pleasure of attending a screening of the upcoming animated film Rachet & Clank, based on the popular video game series that you may recall from your own childhood. It was a blast, I must say. My two children (Ari, 7, and Samara, 5) adored the film. I also got to take my dear friend Courtney, who is more like adult child. We have that kind of soul connection. The first thing that happened when we entered the screening, was a family photo on the red carpet. Despite my seven-year-old's less than amused face, he was actually having a great time. He and his sister decided to pose in front of the movie poster like the hams that they are. After my children stopped mugging in front of my iPhone camera, we entered the event where we had a variety of delicious snacks and found an area for the kids to color in. The chicken was friend to us all. Ari particularly enjoyed the coloring area. There were mazes and word searches from the film. He and another boy at the event collaborated on finding all the words on the list. When in doubt, ask a member of the [...]
Opening The Secret Part of Me
Today I had a conversation with the remarkable Jordan Gray. I spoke candidly about my relationship history as well as processing the trauma I have been through. There are too many unhealthy relationship patterns to name, but let's just say that I have the tendency to self-sabotage romantic relationships. In reality, I don't want to do that. I would like to find my soulmate. I want to be with a partner who knows me inside and out. Just as importantly, I want to know my partner. I realized that part of me is terrified to have a man know me intimately. The reason is that there is the potential that he could hurt me. It's scary to open yourself up to someone. When I heard the words come out of my mouth I realized just how scared I was to be close to a man. "When the right person comes along, I will reach inside of myself and give him that secret part of me. I don't want to open that part up until he is available to me." "Why wait?" Jordan asked. "Why not open that part of yourself up now?" Here's the lesson: by opening that piece of myself up, it sends [...]
@DunkinDonuts – All I Wanted Was An Apology
Since my blog post about my mistreatment by the manager at Dunkin Donuts on Court Street in Brooklyn, I was contacted by the district manager for the company. He was extremely kind. He apologized that the manager had treated me poorly and was horrified by her behavior. He admitted that this franchise was having some problems. I get it, I truly understand. However, I still explained to him that all I wanted was for this woman to apologize to me for the way that she treated me. He agreed that indeed an apology was in order. Let me make something clear: this is not all about me. I'm concerned that this manager is treating other customers poorly and possibly shaming them if their debit cards get declined. Poor people shaming is not cool. The district manager agreed to meet me at the Dunkin Donuts this morning. He said that the meal was on them and that the manager would apologize to me. I was game. After I dropped my kids off at school I headed to Dunkin Donuts to receive my verbal apology from the manager. When I arrived, I asked for the district manager. To my surprise, he was [...]
I Forgot My Password for Life
I forgot my password for life. I am quite obviously lost and there's not "forgot password" option. Consequently, I have to keep going without knowing which direction to turn and who to ask for help. That's totally unfair and there is no manager to call. I'd write a letter to the life corporate headquarters, except I don't think there is one. I'm just a person living her life and I'm confused and sad for "no reason." If I were to examine my mind further, I'd find that there were reasons to be frustrated, sad, angry, depressed, perplexed, lost, tired, irritable, resentful and the like. However, I don't have a person to complain to that can actually do anything about these feelings. Feelings are stupid. Boo feelings. I love my blog because it always listens. It doesn't judge me for being anxious or "annoying" or "needy" like humans. Where was I? Oh yeah, I'm lost and there's no Google Maps for Life. Nope. Hello? HELLO! Can I please speak to your supervisor? What the fuck? Is there anyone on this phone? This is totally unreasonable. I don't want these feelings and I want to know where to go from here. Why [...]
Let’s talk about how NOT to treat your customers @DunkinDonuts
Let's talk about how NOT to treat your customers Dunkin' Donuts. I went into the Dunkin Donuts on Court Street and 1st Place in Brooklyn. I attempted to reload my DD Perks card. Yeah, that's right, I am a frequent donut flier. I love DD coffee and my kids love the pastries. My debit card was declined. The manager rolled her eyes at me. "Now I have to void the order." She said. "I'm sorry." I said. Keep in mind that I have been to this Dunkin Donuts hundreds of times and spent more money than I can count on their products. I know this because I have accumulated enough points to get free beverages. Anyway, I say: "Let me give you another card." Grumpy manager says: "I don't want to run this card if it isn't going to work." So (in other words) she was shaming me for not having money. "It will work." I said. The card worked. She proceeded to role her eyes and said "you do this all the time." Even though my card had money on it, I chose not to purchase anything at this Dunkin Donuts. "I'm sorry, what do I do all the [...]
Who I Am Hates Who I’ve Been
"Who I am hates who I've been." - Relient K. There's a person out there who hates me. I know, right? Me! I am awesome. Who could possibly despise me? Trust me when I tell you that this person hates my guts. I won't tell you who it is for the sake of the person. But, I will tell you that it makes me uncomfortable that they hate me. Guess what? I bet there are many other people out there that don't care for me. What makes this situation so different? Why am I so uncomfortable? Why can't I let it go? Because they used to be my friend. If you think this blog post is about you, then it is...or maybe it isn't. Or maybe it doesn't fucking matter. I have been up since 3am thinking about self-love. What I've come to is this: there will be many people in your life who will not like you. Shit happens. We are people. We are born, we do not have stagnant personalities. We change, we grow, we evolve and sometimes we outgrow friendships. I'd like to think that friends are forever and our human connections will stay with us until [...]
Yes, This is My Blog, But Other People Have Feelings About it Too
This is my blog. I know, no shit, right? If you're reading this (which I don't imagine there are many of you actually reading it but maybe that's not true) then, you already know that this is a blog written by me (Sarah Fader). I write a lot of things on here. Sometimes they are stream of consciousness pieces, other times I rant, sometimes I write things that make people laugh, sometimes I write things that make people sad and then finally, sometimes I write things that make other people angry. For years, I tried to write without thinking about the impact it was having on other people's feelings. If I did that, I couldn't be as emotionally honest, it seemed. However, I was speaking with my therapist about this today. This post made my ex-boyfriend angry. I'm sure he no longer reads my blog, since he unfriended me on Facebook. However, I still feel badly about that situation. What I wanted to say was this: though these were my feelings, I also recognize and understand that he was operating from his perspective and his own set of emotions. We were 15-year-olds who were just learning about life. I wanted to tell [...]