The Death of Humor And The Resurrection of Political Correctness
I've gathered you all here today to pay homage to society's collective sense of humor. We no longer have one. Suddenly, everything anyone writes about religion, race, children, kittens, refrigerators, printer toner, and bubbles is no longer funny. I'm devastated as a funny person. I pride myself as someone who loves to make fun of things and I can no longer do that. Sadly, I can't make jokes about the fact that I'm a Jewish person and bad with money. That's offensive to other Jewish people. I need to watch what I say and how I say it because it could offend someone. This is so sad. What happened to us? We used to make dirty jokes and laugh at them. I remember being a teenager reading Truly Tasteless Jokes at Barnes & Noble with my friend Tim. Blanche Knott is obviously not the author's real name. Laughing at ourselves is fun and cathartic. We don't need to censor ourselves so much that we cannot find humor in things that are inherently funny. I have an irreverent and inherently politically incorrect sense of humor and with the current level of collective societal hyper-sensitivity to everything, I can't even make a joke [...]
Luma, Evil Empress – By The Amazing Lindsay Holmes #Caturday
I have always been a dog person, well an animal person who preferred dogs. I've had them almost my entire life, except for a period of 4 years, which felt empty and we tried filling that void with all sorts of pets. The one that never entered into my life though were cats. They always seemed rather aloof to me. Not my type of monster to keep. Besides, I was allergic to them. Enter Evil Empress Luma. A spitball of personality and energy, plus plenty of sass. I have found my best friend. This girl has been with me since she was 13 weeks old. The little daredevil. The second night, after putting her in her playpen and trying to go to sleep, I suddenly felt something on me. She managed to climb out and snuggle into my neck to sleep, and there she has stayed ever since, massaging and purring me to sleep each night. She has taught me there is someone that always someone that cares. Suffering from depression, I go through lows that I hide from people, where I will cry uncontrollably when I'm alone, or think I'm alone. I forget that someone is there. She will [...]
My Heart is an Open Book And I Want You
My heart is an open book. It's been this way for as long as I can remember. When I was a little girl I saw a red leather volume of fairytales laying in the grass. I picked it up and held it up to my chest. I could feel my heart thumping against the cover. I carried that book with me everywhere I went. When I felt sad and like no one understood me I would open the hardcover bound volume to a page that was familiar to me. I breathed in the words with my eyes closed and remembered that I had my own story to tell and one day it would be read. Despite my heart being open, it is hard for me to let other people read my book. There's pain and secrets inside. I can't help but think - what if he reads my book and hates what's inside? I am naturally an emotionally vulnerable and open person, yet to let another person inside feels invasive and painful. This is a paradox. It's like a massage that hurts but yet feels good at the same time. I want desperately to be understood, but in order for [...]
What We Can Learn From Leonardo DiCaprio
On February 28, 2016 Leonardo DiCaprio won the Oscar. After years of being turned down, Leo kept on and did not lose hope. Actually, I can't claim that he didn't lose faith. Nomination upon nomination he was rejected. We don't know what he was experiencing on the inside. Perhaps it was frustrating and devastating to him to not win the Oscar. Despite these feelings he was then nominated again. And he won. We have all been through trying times. As human beings we have been hurt, rejected, tossed to the side and even demeaned. I know I have been all of these things. Yet I kept persevering. Rejection email after rejection email I was convinced that I would never publish a book. Today I stand before you having published four books. Two of my books are on sale at Barnes & Noble. I would never have dreamed of this seven years ago. We have all been where Leonardo DiCaprio has been. We have all experienced rejection on a profound level. It is our duty as human beings to fall on our faces. Without being tossed aside, we would not appreciate success. Success is something that is earned. You appreciate being [...]
Forgotten Music
My best friend is a lyrics person. I am a music person. I feel the beat, the soul, the rhythm of music. I forgot how much I loved Linkin Park. Today I remembered and I pulled up Meteora on Spotify and started to feel things that I forgot existed. The music awakened in me emotions that were laying dormant until I felt the beat. I can feel the raw pain in my chest cavity; it wants to release through words. That's why I don't hear them words because I am writing them.
Sharp
I open the door and a cool breeze blows in hard fast sharp tiny icicles hit my face quickly with great force I breathe in but I can't see I hold my arm up to defend myself against the war raging outside and it's just not enough none of it is ever going to be enough I know what I need to do with one foot I step into the storm because it will never ever stop and I bravely step one boot after the next and force my body through it and I know you said I can't remember because I told you I would forget promised that I would (in fact) because you didn't want to share yourself with me and I made it possible to for you to open like budding flower but you chose to close yourself off and I listened and so my only choice is to walk alone through this ice the wreckage of what used to be and never was.
Staying Ahead with Anti-Aging Procedures
Staying Ahead with Anti-Aging Procedures Just about everyone has skin problems as they get older. If you are finding yourself starting to develop a few wrinkles or fine lines, it's time to look into anti-aging treatments. You can't avoid getting older, and you can't avoid wrinkles and sagging skin either. But you can stay ahead of them a bit by using certain anti-aging procedures. Simple Ways to Protect Your Skin First, you should start by protecting your skin on a daily basis. There are some easy ways to do that, including using the right cleansers, exfoliants, and sunscreens. You can also use a cream or lotion that is specifically designed to correct minor wrinkles or prevent new ones from popping up. Usually such creams contain retinoids, antioxidants, vitamins, and minerals. There are even some prescription creams and lotions available for tougher skin problems. Having Clinical Skincare Procedures Done for Skin Health No matter how hard you work on your daily skincare routine, you might find that you need to seek anti-aging help at your local clinic or spa. If that's the case, you have several options. One of them is to have your top layer of skin removed with a [...]
For Cat Month – Francesca by Drew Sheldon
I met her on a Monday I met her on a Monday, and she didn't have a name. She was only referred to as "Blue-Eyed Baby". Soon, despite my objections to having a pet, she would be my blue-eyed baby. It was my first night volunteering at the cat rescue shelter. My ex-girlfriend had invited me to give it a try. It sounded like it might be fun, so I figured I'd give it a shot. I've always been an animal lover but never had a pet as an adult. Living situations and military service had always gotten in the way. Besides that, I didn't want responsibility or to deal with an animal dying on me. I'd dealt with so much loss during my military career, including both my parents. I was wanting to avoid grief as much as I could, and the easiest way is not to get attached in the first place. Normally, my ex-girlfriend cleaned the Kitten Room, but extra help earlier in the day shifted duties around. She and I would be cleaning Quarantine that night. They had just taken in a number of cats from a local animal control facility, so it was quite a [...]
Win a bracelet supporting mental health from KNot Cause @EWBkNotCause
I was on Twitter one day when a company reached out to me. Their name was KNot Cause and they told me they created bracelets that supported mental health as well as bullying, cancer awareness and Multiple Sclerosis. Immediately, I was intrigued and I asked them if I could see a sample. So they shipped me a few bracelets. I have to tell you I was completely and utterly in love. The company was created by Diane and her husband. In 2009, 12 of Diane's friends were diagnosed with Breast Cancer. It was devastating and she wanted to help them in some way. She felt powerless and despondent. A few years later, Diane was diagnosed with melanoma. It was truly a shock since she had been careful to wear sunscreen her whole life. After her experience having a life-threatening disease, Diane felt compelled to do something to help others. That's when she and her husband came up with the idea for KNot Cause. Diane says: "BY WEARING THE KNOT, YOU ARE WRAPPING YOURSELF AROUND THE CAUSE AND IDEA THAT WE HAVE THE POWER TO ENTWINE OUR EFFORTS TO WORK TOGETHER TOWARDS ONE GOAL. " Diane believes in giving back. [...]
839 reasons YOU are buying the wrong lettuce
The lettuce is bruised. It's the wrong kind of lettuce - Romaine instead of iceberg. You bought cabbage and thought it was lettuce because you are a moron. The lettuce expired. It wasn't lettuce, it was green yogurt. You thought wrong. It was a lettuce robot dressed like lettuce. The lettuce was actually a robot. You thought the label read "organic lettuce" but instead it just said "lettuce." You bought the lettuce thinking it was a good source of vitamin C, because it is. But then when you took it home and opened it you had no desire to eat it, because it was lettuce and not cake. The lettuce gave you a dirty look as soon as you left the supermarket. It wasn't lettuce at all, but rather your ex-boyfriend. He was bad in bed too. You bought the lettuce because it seemed like a good idea and it was sitting so nicely next to the broccoli. But the truth is, you don't like lettuce or broccoli that much. But your doctor said to eat more vegetables. You saw a commercial for lettuce and felt compelled to buy it. But once you got to the cash register, the cashier [...]
For Cat Month – For Nana, (a.k.a. Nah and Neneh) – Guest Post
In 1999, I headed to Western Canada to escape the drudgery of small-town Atlantic Canada. In the hometown, unemployment was high and morale even lower. I was fortunate to end up in Canmore, Alberta where I boarded with a family who would have a major impact on my life. When I first landed at their home, I was greeted firstly by a black cat who was one year old. Her name was Cass and I was just happy to be living in a house where a pet was around. My time had reached about a month there when one day, one of the family members brought home a kitten who was barely the size of my hand. There seemed like nothing to her. It was astounding. They had named her Nola and for a few days there was the usual joy and excitement of having a cute kitten in the house. Of course Cass was not too happy about it. Shortly after that, some of the family left for what would be the better part of the summer to run their fishing camp in Northern Saskatchewan. Cass ended up going with most of the family. Nola was to stay behind [...]
Cloves
There are some scents that remind me of times in my life. I was walking down Bergen Street and I smelled clove cigarettes. I was brought back to being 15 years old and just entering Performing Arts High School. I remember leaving school at 3 o'clock and smelling that sweet smell on Amsterdam Avenue. I wasn't a smoker. In fact, I was vehemently against smoking. I knew it caused lung cancer and I wasn't putting myself anywhere near a cigarette. Yet there was something in enchanting about these clove cigarettes. If I ever wanted to smoke I could imagine inhaling one of these it. But I never did. The sugary sent of this small object haunted me in a sensual way. It tease me but I would never give in. I'd forgotten all about my forbidden romance until today when I smelled that familiar scent. It took me back to a place I thought no longer existed. I'm happy it's still there.
Dear @USPS Please Deliver My Packages And Stop Losing Them
Dear United States Postal Service, First I want to say thank you for delivering the mail. I am so grateful to you for being there to give me my important bills and sometimes even nice cards from my friends around the world. Sometimes you deliver checks with money for me to buy my family groceries. I am happy you exist. That's the good. Now for the constructive criticism... A couple of days ago, I placed an order on Amazon.com for my own book. Here it is: It's amazing that I got this book in the mail. I want to explain the story behind this book. I know you're busy but just trust me on this. So my mother ordered it and had it delivered to my address. Okay? Now, the postal service managed to get it here in a timely fashion. Great, awesome, amazing. Thank you. The next day, I ordered it and...I get a text from Amazon that says: "I'm sorry, but your address is undeliverable." What? You just delivered the package here 24 hours ago. What in G-d's name are you talking about? This leads me to believe that you are lying about something. Look, I'm not going [...]
Build People Up
Build People Up You know how to help someone? Motivate them. Tell them "you can." The reason they haven't achieved a goal is not because they are lazy or unmotivated but rather they don't feel that they have the strength to do so. Depression is an evil ugly monster that stops me from doing a lot and it's fucking hard man. I wish I didn't have it. I wish I didn't hate parts of myself. But I do. My self esteem is not "normal" and I am working on it, but there are days where I have trouble finding a reason to leave my bed. My kids are the reason. They motivate me to be strong. I am strong but my self esteem is still at the bottom of a cavernous trash can. There is something called "tough love." There are variations of this but the kind that doesn't work is the sort where the person crushes your self esteem further into the dirt in order to "motivate you" to be a "better person." That isn't love. That's abuse. And if someone is doing that to you, you do not have to listen to it. Crushing your morale and telling [...]
Guest Post by K Williams – How did you come by such a hard decision?
Choosing to go your own way in life is not always an easy decision, and sometimes, I think it doesn’t always come about by conscious choice. There are so many things that occur to us during the course of a life, can we ever really account for all of them. Where do I start, to recount coming to this decision? Unlike the men’s rights movement that seeks to punish women for not bowing to men’s wishes, I chose this route to fulfill a dream, and I still require the assistance of a kind and generous man to do so. I do not see men as the enemy, to be shunned and punished into obedience. Rather, I see that my choices in life have lead me to an impasse. First of all, you should probably know what exactly I’ve chosen and why that appears to be such a hard choice to make in light of whatever it is. Well, when I turned thirty about ten years ago, I had this sinking suspicion in my gut that things weren’t exactly going as I had hoped. I pictured myself married with children by then. Of course I had plenty of time, and others [...]