I’ve gathered you all here today to pay homage to society’s collective sense of humor. We no longer have one. Suddenly, everything anyone writes about religion, race, children, kittens, refrigerators, printer toner, and bubbles is no longer funny. I’m devastated as a funny person. I pride myself as someone who loves to make fun of things and I can no longer do that. Sadly, I can’t make jokes about the fact that I’m a Jewish person and bad with money. That’s offensive to other Jewish people. I need to watch what I say and how I say it because it could offend someone. This is so sad.

What happened to us?

We used to make dirty jokes and laugh at them.

I remember being a teenager reading Truly Tasteless Jokes at Barnes & Noble with my friend Tim.

Blanche Knott is obviously not the author’s real name.

Laughing at ourselves is fun and cathartic. We don’t need to censor ourselves so much that we cannot find humor in things that are inherently funny.

I have an irreverent and inherently politically incorrect sense of humor and with the current level of collective societal hyper-sensitivity to everything, I can’t even make a joke about pineapples.

Me: That pineapple looks hilarious.

Person on Internet: What are you saying about Black people?! 

Me: Uh…I was saying that the pineapple looks funny. It looks like it has a face with eyes, a nose and a mouth. I didn’t say anything about Black people.

Person on Internet: You are offending the Native Americans by talking about pineapples openly. You should think before you write about fruit.

Me: What?

Person on The Internet: Why are you questioning me? Are you saying I can’t be an ally of Filipinos because I’m a minister?

Me: What are you talking about? This is about a pineapple that looks like a person.

Person on The Internet: I find your face offensive. It reminds me of Hitler.

Me: Okay, you need to go to therapy. 

Unfortunately, this interchange is not that far off. I encounter all kinds of tomfoolery online. I’m tired of having to censor myself because the majority of people online are scared to offend other people. Apparently, it’s possible to offend someone by breathing these days. I’m sorry for breathing.

I’m going to keep writing and saying what I feel even if offends someone because why not?