Build People Up
You know how to help someone? Motivate them. Tell them “you can.” The reason they haven’t achieved a goal is not because they are lazy or unmotivated but rather they don’t feel that they have the strength to do so. Depression is an evil ugly monster that stops me from doing a lot and it’s fucking hard man. I wish I didn’t have it. I wish I didn’t hate parts of myself. But I do. My self esteem is not “normal” and I am working on it, but there are days where I have trouble finding a reason to leave my bed. My kids are the reason. They motivate me to be strong.
I am strong but my self esteem is still at the bottom of a cavernous trash can.
There is something called “tough love.” There are variations of this but the kind that doesn’t work is the sort where the person crushes your self esteem further into the dirt in order to “motivate you” to be a “better person.”
That isn’t love. That’s abuse. And if someone is doing that to you, you do not have to listen to it.
Crushing your morale and telling you that you are not trying hard enough is not motivating; it’s demoralizing.
Here’s what you can do:
Build that person up.
Tell her she can.
Tell her she is beautiful.
Tell her she is successful.
Remind her that she is loved.
Be a friend.
Celebrate her achievements.
Tell her that the challenges she is struggling with she can conquer and overcome. You believe in her.
I do believe in myself.
I still struggle with self-loathing.
I appreciate the people who build me up and inspire me to be better.
I heard someone use the phrase “estimable actions.” encouraging me to do them. I think I will try it like do some of the things I don’t want to do to build my esteem….or whatever….