Black Paint
There's a deep secret part of me that I don't show to people. If I open that door and let you look inside it means that I trust you. I don't trust a lot of people fully. Not now. Not ever. Always. It's full of vulnerability and sadness, this place I don't show people. It has a door and no windows. I opened my door to you and I showed you what was inside. At first you embraced my secrets; my darkness and you showed me your hands. They were covered in the black paint that was still wet from my secret room. I smiled when I noticed your hands. You had touched a part of me. You weren't afraid. Then you looked at your hands and saw they were dripping with paint. Your hands began to tremble and you looked at me standing in the doorway and shook your head. "I'm sorry." You said "I can't." I watched as you closed the door. I walked up to the wall where your hand had touched the paint. I ran my fingers over it. I imagined I could smell you. But you were gone. My hands are sticky and I know [...]
This is NOT About My Book
Only it is! Because I wrote a book. I wrote an entire book and I want you to read it. It's a collection of my blog posts and essays from around the Internet. Things that you have seen on Psychology Today and The Huffington Post. I want to read parts of my book for you in your bookstore. But you need to tell your bookstore that you want me to go there and read parts of my book. I promise that I can write. You probably know that I can write because you are reading my blog. Anyway, the point is that I want to do book signings in New York City, because I live in New York City. I will also go to your city if you help me find a bookstore that wants me there.
Free Associate
My foot is asleep. I am tired. I hope I'm not dying. I'm so tired that I'm convinced I have a terminal illness. When in reality, I'm probably just tired. I tried something new and I think it worked. Sometimes you don't know until you try. I type slower than I think. If you lived inside my brain you would be stimulated constantly. I love chocolate. I need to make dinner. I want to cry but I feel constipated with tears. Are you interested in the way my mind works? I need to buy a pill box, but not like a Victorian one, like one at the 99 cent store. But I don't know if they sell them there. I suppose they do. It's too late to go outside. It's depressing when it gets dark at 5:35pm in New York. I wish I had a P.O.Box. They seem cool. Except when you get packages. Then they would be annoying. Sentence fragments are cool.
Speak My Truth or Forever Hold My Tongue
I want to thank everybody for their feedback on my recent post about being a single mom in NYC. Because of your positivity, hope strength, and love I received three job offers within the course of 48 hours. It goes to show you that reaching out for help works. Additionally, doing so in a public forum works. I was afraid to be honest because I was afraid of being judged. I was afraid of being judged for my financial situation. But the reality is that we all struggle in various ways. There is no shame in not knowing how to manage money. Learning how to deal with money is not an innate skill is learned. And unfortunately, I never learned it and now at 36 years old I need to learn. One of my best friends, Ellen, recommended Suze Orman. I will be checking out her website and material to learn how to manage my money in a more responsible way. Here is some insight for people like me who are struggling with learning to manage money. I want to highlight that just because you don't know how to manage money does not mean that you are a bad person. Furthermore [...]
The Hardest Thing I’ve Ever Written
I am struggling financially. I have two children, I am a single mother, and I live in New York City. I am not lazy, I am motivated, I am strong, I am hard-working, I am a human. But, try as I might, I cannot figure out the conundrum - how do single moms make it? I suppose they have the support of family and friends. It takes a village, right? I need a full time job that still allows me to be able to bring my kids to school in the morning and pick them up at the end of the day. I do not want my kids to be in after school five days a week. A few days would be fine. I don't know what to do. I've applied for many jobs and I haven't gotten any of them. I am trying...hard. I am failing and falling on my face over and over again. My family is disappointed in me. They do not understand. I try to explain. The only thing I can do is try. I need a full time job. And I need one now. I applied for a job with Yahoo. It was a three [...]
I Won a Battle With a NYC Post Office Thanks to @USPSHelp
Once upon a time there was a woman named Sarah Fader. She lived in a Brooklyn brownstone. Her family had owned the building since 1999. For years, the mail person had been sliding her mail through the front door gate. Then, one day, Sarah became tired of missing her precious packages from Amazon. You see, the mail person would often not buzz her apartment when she had a package. Instead, they would leave an ominous orange slip that said that "they had missed her" and she should "pick up the package at the local post office." This caused Sarah a great deal of anxiety. Her local post office in Brooklyn was known for ornery workers and even more angry management. Since Sarah already lived with a chronic anxiety disorder, she found the idea of going to this hateful government institution terrifying. Nevertheless, she would trek to the assigned post office, because she didn't have another choice. She wanted her goods from Amazon or whatever website she happened to be ordering from. Sarah would wait in long lines and face disgruntled workers at the window of this post office just so that she could obtain her package. Sometimes the person at the other [...]
Magical Journey To Being My Own Sugar Daddy On @Fiverr
Once upon a time, my best friend found a psychic on Fiverr. Her name was Sheila, and she was able to locate my friend's yoga pants that had been missing for two years. Well, that was enough to convince me. I hired Sheila to do a reading for me. She was on point with that psychic reading. From that moment on, Sheila was my g0-to for delving into the future, my love life, and whatever else I needed to know. I started thinking... I have paid Sheila a lot of money to tell me about my future. Five dollars here, five dollars there. I could be making this money too. I sat there wondering what I could do to earn $5.00. I (too) wanted to become a Fiverr superstar like Sheila the psychic who had over 1000 positive reviews. So I thought and thought. Then it occurred to me, I love reading people's astrological charts. I have done this for my friends and people I've met at parties. Not like I have time to go to parties these days being a single mom of two and all. But I digress, I decided to post a Fiverr gig offering to do [...]
Glo Wubble Review
After a fun time playing with the Wubble X, my kids were so excited to play with the Glo Wubble. They already had a blast playing with the Wubble. So when I mentioned that they would be getting a toy that was able to glow in the dark, they were super psyched. The Glo Wubble is a big balloon like toy. You inflate it yourself using a personalized helium tank, which was relatively easy to operate. Once the Glo Wubble was inflated, my son decided that instead of playing with his sister, he wanted to introduce the giant ball our cat, Carly. I thought Carly would be startled by the ball, but she was actually didn't mind it floating past her on the bed. Of course, after my son was done showing the cat his new toy, it was my four-year-old daughter's turn to play with the Glow Wubble. She was not giving up her toy, that was for sure. Though my son pleaded, my girl went into the bedroom and turned the lights on and off watching the giant ball glow in the dark as it bounced up and down. The kids had an awesome time playing with the [...]
Every day I… @BlogHer #NaBloPoMo
What is the first thing you do every single day (I mean, after you hit the snooze button)? When did that step in your routine begin? I could summarize this in one word - coffee.
The Most Important Lesson is… @BlogHer #NaBloPoMo
What is the most important lesson you learned as a child, and who taught it to you? The most important lesson I learned as a child was from my mother. It was to be kind to everyone. My mother is the most generous person I know. When I was a child I watched her give to everyone. If there was something you needed and she had it, she would offer it to you. It didn't matter if you were a good friend, or a stranger. If there was a need, she would find a way to help the person in question. I remember little things, like I would borrow a shirt from her and attempt to return it. She would tell me to keep it. That's just the way she was. It wasn't just with tangible items. My mom is someone who bends over backwards to understand another person's point of view. She will examine another person's actions and behaviors and put herself in their place in order to be more empathetic towards them. I have learned to employ this technique from my mom. I use it with my children, I use it in the classroom when I am teaching, [...]
Same job or different job? @BlogHer #NaBloPoMo
When you were a kid, did you want to have the same job or a different job than your parents when you grew up? My parents had various jobs when I was growing up on the Upper-West-Side of Manhattan. My dad worked as a records manager. When I was younger I didn't know what that meant. I thought he did something with "records" as in music producing discs of wonder. It turned out he managed a file room, which was good for him since he was extremely organized and enjoy color coding things. My mom wrote people's resumes and also articles for newspapers. One time, when I was six-years-old I was in The Daily News eating a salmon burger. It's true. I have a picture somewhere. She also wrote all the time for different reasons. She worked in P.R. for a while where she was writing. I had no interest in being a records manager, but I did want to be a writer. It was my life goal. Sometimes, I can say it with confidence: I am a writer. Other times, I feel awkward and full of self doubt, which probably means that I'm a writer. I am also a [...]
The coolest job in the world @BlogHer #NaBloPoMo
What did you think was the coolest job in the world when you were younger? Do you still feel that way now? When I was younger I wanted to be a writer. I imagined my name on the cover of novels. It was my dream. I literally would dream about being a famous writer. I'd wake up from the dream at eight-years-old and be disappointed that it wasn't real. As a youngster, I would tell adults that I wanted to be a writer. I remember telling my friend's mother what my life goal was. She laughed at said "so what are you going to do for money?" I stood there dumbfounded at nine. I didn't realize just how hard the life of a writer was. And it is hard. I have been freelancing for some time now, and it is brutally hard. I've had to develop a tough skin out of sheer necessity. Undoubtedly, I've had some significant success as a writer. I've been published on major news outlets. However, I still cringe when I receive those rejection emails. It makes me question my skill. Maybe I am not a good writer. What am I doing wrong? What are those [...]
Sit and Spin – The Toy I Wish I Had @BlogHer #NaBloPoMo
What was the one toy that a friend had that you wished you had when you were little? Well this one is easy. I was always envious of my friend who owned the Sit and Spin toy. What an amazing and amusing toy. I wanted to play with this thing 24 hours a day. Sadly, my parents never bought it for me. You sat on it and propelled yourself around in circles. What could be more fun than that. I've also seen them used for occupational therapy for kids recently. I am afraid of roller coasters, but not of the Sit and Spin. It's actually the perfect toy for a child who has anxiety. You can monitor how fast you go on it. You control it, as opposed to being on an amusement park ride and feeling like you're at the mercy of it. That's why I hate amusement parks as an adult and that's why I hated them as a child. Maybe I'll try to find it on Amazon for my kids. I'm sure the kid will love it
The Sock Drawer #NaBloPoMo @BlogHer
When I was growing up, we had a sock drawer. In the drawer there were socks from all walks of life. There were foot covering friends of all shapes and sizes Adult socks, child's socks, women's socks and men's socks. They were striped, argyle, polka dots, plain white, black, athletic, worn, torn, and loved socks. Now, I am a grownup - I think. I have two children and I have to dress them every morning. Despite the fact that I lay their clothing out the night before, I still have difficulty finding socks. So, I decided to recreate the sock drawer of my youth. It's a glorious site. Also, I've stopped buying children's socks. I feel like they are a waste of money and kids grow out of them too quickly. I purchase adult socks that are fun and colorful. The kids love them! Do you have a communal sock drawer?
I Missing Blogging – #NaBloPoMo @BlogHer
I miss blogging. I've been focusing so much on writing freelance articles and focusing on writing as a trade that I forgot about writing as a craft. I miss my craft. So I am taking part in #NaBloPoMo. What is #NaBloPoMo, you might ask? Well it's an BlogHer online event created by Eden Kennedy taking place in the month of November. Bloggers are writing a post every single day during this month. I'm looking at it as a chance to get back in touch with my love of writing for the sake of writing. I'm looking forward to spending that mediative time with my own thoughts. Do you want to sign up? You can do it here. Look out for a blog post, a poem, a random stream of consciousness collection, a rant, and possibly my thoughts on cats in the month of November.