This is my blog. I know, no shit, right? If you’re reading this (which I don’t imagine there are many of you actually reading it but maybe that’s not true) then, you already know that this is a blog written by me (Sarah Fader). I write a lot of things on here. Sometimes they are stream of consciousness pieces, other times I rant, sometimes I write things that make people laugh, sometimes I write things that make people sad and then finally, sometimes I write things that make other people angry.
For years, I tried to write without thinking about the impact it was having on other people’s feelings. If I did that, I couldn’t be as emotionally honest, it seemed. However, I was speaking with my therapist about this today. This post made my ex-boyfriend angry. I’m sure he no longer reads my blog, since he unfriended me on Facebook. However, I still feel badly about that situation.
What I wanted to say was this: though these were my feelings, I also recognize and understand that he was operating from his perspective and his own set of emotions. We were 15-year-olds who were just learning about life. I wanted to tell him, but I’ll never be able to since he won’t speak to me ever again, that I don’t blame him for not being able to “take care of me.” I was trying to figure my own shit out and I didn’t know that I had a mental illness. I was diagnosed with depression later in life. At the time, I wanted him to nurture me and solve my problems, but I now recognize that this was because I believed that co-dependency was love.
I now realize that to truly love someone we have to respect another person’s independence and individuality.
So, ex-boyfriend who will never read this, I’m sorry I hurt your feelings, angered you, made you sad by writing what I wrote. I realize that I was not being empathetic towards you. You have feelings too and it’s not all about me.
Similarly, I’ve written other blog posts that have made people angry. There are too many people to name here so this goes to them.
Dear people that I’ve hurt or angered on my blog,
I am truly sorry that I hurt or angered you. When I wrote the post that I wrote, I was processing my own feelings. I wasn’t thinking about the fact that you would read what I wrote. Perhaps it was selfish of me. I want you to know that I respect your feelings too. You are entitled to feel affected by my words. I understand and respect that you may be angry with me. For what have I done, I’m sorry. It must have hurt to read those words that I wrote. I’m not apologizing for having feelings. However, I neglected to see that you would have an emotional reaction to what I wrote about you.
Please accept my humble apology and know that though what I wrote might have been harsh, I didn’t mean to disrespect you.
I was expressing my feelings.
In the future, when I write something where other people are involved, I will consider their feelings when I am writing it. Those feelings may include yours.
Much love to you. In the words of Daniel Maurer, I am holding you in the light.
Always be you, Sarah. That’s the one thing I deeply appreciate about you—your honesty. Keep on keeping on! (And thanks for the quote at the end! It’s not mine, but a super phrase to let others know you care without being overly pious.)
I respect your caring about the impact of your writing on others. And I can understand that your ex had the emotional reaction he had. At the same time, I didn’t see anything blaming or criticizing in your other post. You talked about you; he interpreted it as being about him. For a long time, I’ve avoided writing about my mental health and family experiences, but I’ve come to accept that just as I make choices about what I write, others have choices about how to respond to what they read. I accept their choices, but I don’t hold myself responsible for them. Your writing is brave and necessary, and I know what you do has helped me to feel better about who I am. I hope you remember that as well as remembering those who’ve reacted negatively to something you’ve written.