Biking With a Broom and Strangers That Can’t Shut Up
Ari got an early birthday present, his first bike! When I bought the bike, it had training wheels on it. Since getting the bike, I've been in and out of the bike shop, having the training wheels put on, and then taking them off. I was ambivalent about the training wheel situation, since I've taught kids to ride bikes before by just taking the pedals off the bike entirely. One of the times that I was in the bike shop having the training wheels taken off, this guy approached me and said: "You know how I taught my kids to ride a bike? I'm from Sweden, and we bike everywhere. I never bothered with training wheels. I used a broom to hold the bike up. I have four kids and it worked with all of them." "That's a great idea!" I replied. And with that, Ari and I went to the 99 cents store to buy a broom. The broom ended up being $4.00, which I didn't understand seeing as we were at the "99 cent store" where I believe things should cost 99 cents. I bought the broom and tried it out. It worked great! We were having an [...]
The Day I Tried to Clean Up- A Video
This morning, I decided to try to clean the living room. Here's what happened...in a video:
10 Reasons Why My Period Can Go Fuck Itself
I have my period right now, and I hate it. I've hated it since the moment I first got it at 12 years-old. I'm still in denial about it. Every time it ends, I feel like it's the last time I'll ever see it again. But yet, like an unwelcome ex-boyfriend, it keeps making a regular appearance every month for the past 20 years, minus the two years I was pregnant where it was absent, thank G-d! Without further ado, I bring you 10 reasons why my period can go fuck itself. 10. Going anywhere or doing anything seems impossible. 9. I can't zip my jeans. 8. No matter what I do, I have stains on my underwear and potentially my pants, so it looks like I pooped on myself. 7. I look pregnant even though I'm clearly not, hello! I have my period! 6. Whenever anyone says anything to me I want to tell them to fuck off and die. 5. Period products are bullshit. Maxi pads feel like adult diapers, tampons are uncomfortable and leak, and I end up losing the reusable products in the chaos that is my apartment. I have my period, where the hell [...]
Live Your Life- RIP Karyn Kay
My English teacher, Karyn Kay, died this morning. My friend Roy told me the news. I didn't know what to think or how I felt about it. I was in shock, to be sure. She was only 63, younger than both my parents. One of the thoughts that went through my head was, I still have my creative writing notebook from Ms. Kaye's 11th grade creative writing class. If I close my eyes, I can feel what it felt like to sit in a chair desk, the kind that were both chair and desk combined. I can imagine the room full of 29 students, Ms. Kaye petite and slender, dark red lipstick on her pursed lips, sitting at the front of the classroom nodding as Maria read her poem aloud to the entire class. Ms. Kaye's eyes were small, but pensive. She was listening. My heart pounded, thinking I could volunteer to read my story, but I didn't feel like I was good enough. The other 28 students in the class were far more talented. But there was something about Ms. Kaye that made me feel safe. She made me feel like I could raise my hand. I could share [...]
Rated P for Parenthood and Playtime!
Last Saturday I had the opportunity (thanks to MamaDrama and Playtime!) to see Rated P for Parenthood, a musical about what parenthood is really like. While I saw the play, Ari got to go back to Playtime again! Playtime! (run by Playwrights Horizons) allows parents of kids 4-12 to go to the theater, while their kids are engaged in art projects including drama, dance, and visual arts! Here's what Ari did last time he went to Playtime! One of the best parts of this experience was that I was able to take my parents to the show! While we went to the show, Aunt Mimi and Uncle Mike watched Samara. She told me she had a great time too. Rated P for Parenthood consists of short skits. There are four characters, two men and two women, who play multiple roles ranging from parents to kids to in-laws and more! The audience sees what it's like to be parent of a newborn all the way up through when your child goes off to college. It tackles issues such as puberty, when you think your son's soccer coach is a sexy beast, in-laws being over zealous as far as knowing what's best [...]
A Parents’ Guide to Creating Wonderful People- A Giveaway!
A couple of months ago, Jennifer Berryman, PhD sent me a copy of her parenting book, A Parents' Guide to Creating Wonderful People to review for my blog. Like most things in my house, it disappeared, maybe the cats were reading it. That's all I can figure. She was kind enough to send me another copy, thank you Dr. Berryman! And it was worth it. A Parents' Guide to Creating Wonderful People is readable, and gives practical advice as to how to cope with various parenting situations. I like that Dr. Berryman stresses the importance of modeling in the book. Here is an excerpt: "Never underestimate the power of modeling. Children are constantly learning from their parents and watch their every move. You might think your child is just tagging along while you run errands, but he is watching you closely and learning to behave just like you do. " Berryman, P. 108. I find this to be true of Ari. When I'm at the grocery store, he thanks every single person who even remotely helped us, which I believe he modeled from me. I thank the employee that helped me find the flax seed, or the one who checked [...]
Back to School
On Monday, things are going to get hectic around the Fader-Van Luyn house. Starting April 2nd 2012, one day before his 28th birthday, Wil goes back to school to get his dispatch license. When he tried to describe his work and school schedule to me, I got incredibly overwhelmed and confused by it, so I asked him to make a calendar and put it on the fridge. When I woke up this morning, I went to open the fridge to get eggs and half and half for my coffee, and I found this: By the way, I love that magnet. I've had it since 2004, before I knew Wil, and when my kids learn to read I'm in trouble. I feel a little better about the upcoming changes knowing there is an order to things. The tangible schedule makes it feel more concrete and less abstract and scary. Abstract = scary to me. I'm excited about Wil earning his dispatcher license, but it's going to be a really crazy three months. I will hardly ever see him; he'll either be at work, at school, or at the library studying for school. The upside is that when the three months are [...]
The Time is Now
I'm on a ship. The ship is sinking. I have to get everyone off. There are piles of gold everywhere. An enemy ship approaches in the distance. It's fierce, filled with cyclops, werewolves, and three-headed carnivorous monsters. The monsters in question like to dine on human flesh of the 32 year-old female variety. I try to put everything in my hands, the gold slips through my fingers. The pirates around me are singing and drinking ale. They're dancing. They have yellow and gray teeth, or no teeth at all, but they don't care, as long as their ale mugs are filled and the music is so loud that it pierces through their entire bodies. I scream "The enemy is nigh! We need to get the treasure out of here! They'll steal it and we'll have nothing left. They're going to eat my brain." Everyone continues to sing and dance, oblivious to our impending demise. I try to lift a chest filled with gold but it's too heavy, it hurts my arms and my back. The enemy ship is close, I can see it. I can make out the faces of the monsters. I know I will be eaten soon. "We [...]
Making a Change
I'm scared of change. Anything that's new freaks me out. However, today I'm making a big change. I've struggled with anxiety all my life. I've been on and off of anti-depressants. Lately, I've been really working on myself in therapy trying to figure out what triggers my anxiety. I had an epiphany yesterday. I went to my favorite bakery and had a coffee and a slice of cake. After eating the cake, I felt anxious, strange in my own skin. I called my friend amazing friend, Donna, and told her about this feeling. "You know, " she said "Sugar can make your anxiety worse." That had never occurred to me before. I always assumed my anxiety was internal, and there wasn't anything that I could do externally to control it. Then I thought about it, and she was absolutely right. Whenever I've been in a particularly anxious state, I want nothing to do with sugar. All I want to eat are bananas, actually. Bananas are definitely my comfort food. So, I've decided to cut out processed sugar from my diet. This is going to be a real challenge since I love cookies, and sugar is kind of my favorite unofficial [...]
Sarcasm Isn’t Always Cool
I'm going to admit it, I'm a huge dork. I play Magic The Gathering. Today I went to a "Geek Store" in Brooklyn to pick up some cards, and I ended up playing Magic with a few guys. Wil wanted to kill me when I got home, because I spent three hours there and he was alone with the kids. Sorry babe! Even though I only recently started playing Magic again (after a 15 year hiatus) I beat two out of the three guys I played with using my Black and White token deck. The first two guys were really nice. The last guy was a total asshole. Everything that came out of this guy's mouth was just mean. First, I introduced myself:"Hi, I'm Sarah.""Hi, Joe Smith." [For the sake of the anonymity we'll call him Joe]"Oh, we're going by full names. Okay [laughing] I'm Sarah Fader.""No, you're not as cool as me. Joe Smith is much cooler.""I think Fader's a pretty awesome name actually.""No." I don't even know this guy, and already he's throwing sarcasm around. Yeah...no.I had my cards facing his cards so he could read what the creature cards said. Like this:He took a look at my [...]
The Winner of Mayim Bialk’s Book Beyond The Sling is…
The winner of Mayim Bialik's Book, Beyond The Sling is: Lauren Limon!Congratulations Lauren! You won!! Thank you to everyone that entered! Check out my interview with Mayim here **Winner selected by a random number generator at Random.org
Guest Post By Auntie Mint: Review of Kiss Nail Dress
Hello, Auntie Mint here. I participate in a program called Influenster where I receive complimentary products for testing and review purposes. I recently got a "VoxBox" full of goodies such as razors, tea, chocolates etc... but there was only one product in the box that I felt passionate enough about to ask osnsmom if I could hijack her blog for a review. That product was Kiss Nail Dress. They are easy to apply/no dry time nail decals. I don't even have kids of my own and I manage to mess up my nails within an hour of painting them so I can only imagine it must be nearly impossible to keep your manicure neat with kids! That's where Kiss Nail Dress comes in. All you do is stick the decals on, clip and file the ends, and voila - perfect nails that can't get messed up for days and days! The design I got was like Crackle or Shatter polish but there are 17 other designs to choose from and they should be about $7 at your drugstore.I now return you to your regularly scheduled blogging.
Stream of Consciousness on a Friday
Don’t put that in your mouth! I want to do something important. I want to be successful. I need to make my mark on the world. Clean that water up right now! Water is for the bathtub. Why did you spill that on the floor? I owe $125 to Hunter College and $40 to Long Island University. I’m never going to get into school if I don’t pay them. Share with your sister! My neck hurts. I haven’t eaten lunch. Nothing in the fridge is appealing. Samara, give me my phone! Take it out of your mouth. You can’t have that coffee! What was I thinking about? Ari? Ari? Where are you? You need help wiping? Hold on a second! Oh my G-d! Samara fell down! She’s crying. Is that blood? Oh my G-d, is that blood? Where’s it coming from?! Let me smell it. Oh, thank G-d it’s coffee. I’m going to have a nervous breakdown. Where will they send me? Will my friends visit me if I live in a mental institution? Ari, I’m coming! Okay, you want to watch something? How about Blue’s Clues? No? How about Max and Ruby? Okay…okay phew! Samara? You want milk? Okay. [...]
Change
My whole body is tingling. There is so much to say. Words float through my veins and into my nervous system. They try to move into my esophagus, but they get stuck somewhere along the way. I am frozen. Change is coming. I can feel it. But when I look at my feet they are stuck to the ground. I try to move, but there is a thick green gelatin that makes my feet stick to the wooden floor. I want to scream, but I open my mouth and nothing comes out. There is a bright light. I try to avert my eyes. I have no sunglasses. I squint. The light burns my eyes and my legs hurt from standing. I want to move but I can't. I want to turn away. The light is so bright. I am unbearably hot. My clothes are saturated with sweat. I want to run, but I'm stuck in place. If I could fly, I would, but I have no wings. I look up and away from the light. There is a flock of birds in the sky. They are free. They have wings. They open them and soar high above my body, far [...]