The Winner of Confessions of a Scary Mommy is…
Kristina! You won Confessions of a Scary Mommy! Sorry this is a day late guys! May 17th is still a great day to win something, eh? This is the first thing I did this morning, after I made coffee of course. Thanks to everyone who entered the giveaway!
A Letter to Anxiety
Anxiety, I won't bother to start this letter with "Dear" because I don't value you. I guess you're better than depression because you give me energy to do things, but other than that, you just make me incredibly uncomfortable all the time. I'm angry at you because you scare me. But the things that I'm scared about are not real. They're phantom fears, the fear of something bad happening to me, the fear of getting deathly ill, the fear of something scary happening to my kids. And it's all because of you, Anxiety. I want to tell you something. I'll try to be as diplomatic about it as I can. Here goes, can you please go away? Pack your suitcase with your belongings, your toiletries (if you have any) and get out of my brain. Only come back to visit me if something exciting is happening, something good. I'm tired of my heart racing all the time for no reason. I'm emotionally exhausted, and I'm telling you nicely to go somewhere else. You're bothering me. Thank you. I hope you listen.
Mom Arm
The right side of my neck and my right arm were hurting for days. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me?! I considered consulting WebMD, but then I realized that I didn't need the internet to diagnose me, I could do the job myself. The diagnosis: Mom Arm The symptoms: One of your arms (depending on whether you're a righty or a lefty) hurts like a bitch from lifting children every single day of your life. Those who are predisposed to Mom Arm: Moms. Is it contagious? No, but you might rob the people around you of their sanity by complaining about it. The cure: Stop carrying your kids. Tell them to walk, even if they're babies. Wait...that's not going to work. I guess the cure is rest. Oh, but you can't do that either. So the real answer is, Mom Arm is a chronic condition for which THERE IS NO CURE! Do you have this condition or do you have another chronic condition that you coined yourself?
Old Jews Telling Jokes- With Jeff Fader’s Review
Yesterday I had the opportunity through Playtime! to see Old Jews Telling Jokes.* Playtime! is a fantastic program that allows parents (of children ages 4-12) to go to the theater while their children are engaged in an artistic projects led by artist sitters! Read more about Playtime! here. When I first heard the title of the show, I knew exactly who to take with me to see it, my dad. For those of you that know Jeff Fader, you're aware that he is always telling a corny joke, and he's Jewish. I just knew that this was the show for him! I was positive that my dad would like Old Jews, because that's his style of humor. But I wasn't sure how I would feel about it. After seeing it, I can report that "Old Jews Telling Jokes" was hilarious. There are all kinds of jokes in the show, religious jokes, birth jokes, sex jokes and old age jokes. You might be wondering how actors telling jokes could hold your attention for an hour and a half. The jokes are told in various ways, some are told like stories and some jokes are acted out in little vignettes complete with [...]
The Day I Broke The TV
It was an ordinary day. I was sitting on the couch transcribing for Doomsday Preppers, watching rednecks in the woods preparing to pee on a tarp. All of a sudden, I saw Samara grab my cup filled with tea and proceed to dump it onto the floor and laugh. I felt rage and frustration enter my body starting from my stomach and rising up into my throat. "Damn it!" I yelled to myself. This was the 14th day in a row that she had managed to spill my morning beverage, and I placed it in an area where I thought she couldn't grab it! I was beside myself. And this wasn't just any tea, it was infused with chinese herbs that my acupuncturist formulated to help with anxiety. I grabbed the empty cup and threw it. I didn't think, I just tossed the cup in frustration. I was angry that my tea had spilled, I was burnt out due to Wil working and being in school and not being around as much. I felt exhausted, spent, and angry. And I looked at that cup and I channeled all that anger, all of that frustration into it. And I hurled it [...]
Happy 4th Birthday Ari Bear
Happy Birthday to my amazing 4 year-old, Ari. You are bright, inquisitive, sensitive and adventurous. Sometimes you're incredibly strong-willed and stubborn, and you drive me up the wall, but I love you more than you can imagine or conceive. You are an incredible gift. Happy Birthday little man!
Cats Don’t Do Shit
I realized today that my cat really has a far better life than I do. Watch this.
And The Winner of A Parents’ Guide to Creating Wonderful People is…
Thank you to everyone for entering the giveaway for Dr. Berryman's book A Parents' Guide to Creating Wonderful People is: melsmini! Congratulations! How does it feel to be a winner?
Mega-Bright: My Face Loves You
Ever since I had Samara, my skin hasn't been the same. I've been breaking out with enormous cystic acne (one of which ended me up in the hospital when it turned into a boil) and getting dark spots.My new skin problems made me really sad, considering I've never had significant skin issues in life. My friend Donna suggested that I try Origins products, since I have really sensitive skin and their stuff is either organic or made with natural ingredients.I walked into the Origins store on 23rd and Broadway, in the city, and I was truly overwhelmed by the amount of different products the housed in that small space.I asked one of the salespeople about a product to help with the dark spots on my face. She recommended Mega-Bright. I was definitely skeptical because it was super expensive ($55 USD to be exact) considering the bottle is only 1fl oz. I told the salesgirl that I wasn't sure about it, so she gave me a sample to take home.I've been using it for three days and I'm obsessed with it. It makes my skin feel amazing, and it works! Check it out, this is me with NO MAKEUP. Not that I wear [...]
Don’t Lie to Me, I’m Your Mother!
Here's an excerpt from a few days ago:"Ari, did you spill chocolate milk on the table?""No, Egreck did it.""I find that hard to believe, Egreck doesn't have opposable thumbs, he's a cat.""Well he did.""It's okay if you did it, just tell me. I won't be mad.""I didn't!"Here's another one. We're walking down the street and I see one of those chalkboard signs outside of a restaurant that list daily specials. One minute I'm looking at the sign, and the next minute I notice that the once pristine sign has blurred words. Then I see there's chalk residue on Ari's fingers."Did you touch that sign?"No.""There's chalk on your hands, I think you touched it.""I didn't!""Please just tell me the truth, I won't be mad.""I touched it.""Don't do that! The people inside the restaurant will be mad and people walking by won't be able to read the sign!""Okay [Sighs]."I don't understand the lying. It seems like he just doesn't want to get in trouble. The thing is, if he's going to lie, at least come up with a plausible excuse. I don't want to give him any ideas, but if I were him, I would blame everything on Samara. He sort of [...]
Blogger May Delete My Old Posts
Dear Blogger, Google and anyone associated with the confusing email I just received,I have been informed that my blog is a "legacy account." I have no fucking idea what this means, and I'm terrified that after May, 30, 2012, all my posts will be gone.Since it's virtually impossible to contact anyone at Blogger or Google, I am writing this post hoping that someone can help me figure out how to preserve my blog. I've tried to login to the Legacy Migration Page using my email address associated with Old School/New School Mom, and a password, which I know is correct, and I keep getting this message: I know I'm using the correct email address, because when I look up my blog on the weird legacy site, this email adress comes up.Someone please help! I can't to make sure my posts don't disappear.Thank You,Sarah Fader
A Nintendo Secret
Back in 1987 or so, my brother shared with me a very important secret. I'm now going to share it with you. Be careful who you tell about this:
Confessions of a Scary Mommy- A Review and Giveaway
Jill Smokler, otherwise known as Scary Mommy in Internet land, has written a hilarious book entitled Confessions of a Scary Mommy. I wrote to Jill and asked if I could review her book. She wrote back immediately and replied "Where can I send the book?" I love her.Confessions of a Scary Mommy, which Jill describes as the "anti-parenting book," makes you feel good about yourself as a parent. Chapter 20, which is entitled "The Xanax Approach to Parenting," seems to be the overall theme of the book. Essentially what this approach boils down to is, chill the fuck out. Don't take yourself too seriously, do the best you can do as a parent, and call it a day. There's no need to obsess over being the "perfect mother," because there is no such thing. This "perfect mother" (that many of us aspire to be) lives somewhere with the tooth fairy and the easter bunny. In Confessions of a Scary Mommy, Smokler reveals what it was really like to be pregnant: "I wish the government could bottle the discomfort that accompanies this point in pregnancy--the bloating and the aches and pains and the baby's kicks. I think if they were able [...]
Patterns, Counting, and Addition Starring Unifix Cubes
I love Unifix Cubes. The Unifix Cube people are not paying me to say this. Hi Unifix Cube people! I just love them. In fact, I accidentally overdrew my checking account while ordering them from Amazon. Oops! Unifix cubes are awesome at teaching math and patterns. I also got a really cool Base 10 counting system which is fun to build with. Yep, I'm a nerd and proud of it! Check it out, Ari will show you how they all work:
This Morning
I like coffee. This is a video. It has eggs in it.