Ari From Duane Reade and Some Sad News
Today, after I went to have the rubber band procedure performed on my giant hemorrhoid, I stopped into Duane Reade to decompress and spend as much money as possible on cosmetics. It's a good thing I just got my tax refund! I spent over $80 and here's what I got:Included in today's purchases at Duane Reade was a small toy taxi for Ari. Instrumental in this purchase was a really kind Duane Reade employee. I was standing there looking at all the toy cars debating which one to get for for my kid. The nice young man who worked at Duane Reade suggested I get the taxi because little kids love brightly colored things.We got to talking and I asked this fantastic Duane Reade employee his name."I'm Ari." He said.I asked him to repeat himself so that I could verify this information, just to make sure I wasn't hallucinating. Indeed he said his name was Ari. "My son's name is Ari!" I said. I asked him if he knew what his name meant and he said:"My mom told me it's a very powerful name. It means 'lion of G-d."I immediately showed him pictures of my Ari. Then he asked me:"When [...]
Pre-Verbal Adventures in Babysitting
Yesterday I went out for a day of long overdue fun, and Ari had a babysitter. I could feel the guilt seeping into my maternal veins as I left the house.But I knew he was in good hands, thank you Lemmy! Lemmy has a younger sister Ari's age. She knows what to do with toddler folk.When I returned home I asked him what he did while I was gone. He had the following to say:Needless to say, it's going to be a while before Ari can tell me what he did with his babysitter.
I Want To Eat Him
Sometimes, I look at Ari, and I just want to eat him! I don't mean eat him in a cannibalistic way, I mean, I just want to squish him and eat him.Do you ever want to eat your kids?
Hello Spammers!
For some reason, Spammers are attracted to my blog. They love it. I've gotten fake comments about whatever I happen to be talking about. By "fake comments" I mean links to enlarging a sexual organ or an invitation to change my life by becoming Christian.So here you go Spammers! I dare you to try to comment on this post! You won't be able to. Mwahahaha! Try it!And if you are not a spammer and you like what I just said, feel free to comment as well!
Kneebouncers.com Makes The Computer Child-Friendly
I was perusing mom blogs and (ironically) I found a dad blog that I really liked. The blog that struck my fancy was DC Urban Dad.I found a post he'd written where he talked about Kneebouncers.com. The theme of the site is toddler-centric computer games. I decided to give it a try. My son loved it. Kneebouncers.com was so exciting to him, that he was able to tear himself away from Yo Gabba Gabba (his current favorite TV show) to play a shape learning game.The cool thing about Kneebouncers.com is that the games let your kid press absolutely any key on the keyboard and the game will work. What a brilliant idea!Thanks DC Urban Dad for a great toddler friendly website!
Black Thumb? I Think Not!
Well, well, well, look at what we have here? I managed to successfully grow two plants! I've constantly joked that I have a "black thumb" meaning I kill everything green. But it looks like my black thumb may just be turning green!The only problem is, my cats keep eating the leafy green plant. Curse them! Do you have a black thumb or a green one? Thoughts?
Beep Beep! Surprise!
This morning a vehicular surprise arrived in our Cherrios box.But here's the thing. It arrived partially disassembled. The car was all black with no stickers on it and there was a separate sticker package like this in the box:I had to hide the car from Ari so that he didn't go insane (he loves cars!). I was determined to stick the stickers in the right place before he saw it.As I attempted to stick the minuscule stickers on this plastic vehicle I was reminded that I have a college degree. Yes folks, I attended NYU (New York University) and it did not prepare me for this task. And let me tell you, it was tough stuff.If you look closely at the photo, it has sections labeled from A-H and corresponding parts on the plastic car. However, there are no letters on the actual car. So you have to infer which part is which. I was baffled.Eventually I got it together and this small road warrior joined the ranks of Ari's car club.I was very proud of myself for this completing this task.
The Snow Has Made Us Crazy
This is what happens when you are trapped in the house for days:
I Hate Valentine’s Day
As Valentine's Day approaches, I found myself getting into the spirit of things. I even made Ari and Wil a Valentine when I was subbing in a 2nd grade classroom yesterday.For those of you that know me well, the question marks are already going off in your minds. I don't know what happened to me. I guess the children sucked me into the holiday. I was surrounded by 2nd graders creating Valentine works of art and I succumbed to the pressure. But then I read my friend Amber's blog about this cursed holiday, and I was reminded of who I really am. Now here's where my old friends will back me up. The question marks that were previously blinking in your minds will dissipate. I remembered that I HATE Valentine's Day. Yes, I said it. In fact I hate it so much that one year on Valentine's Day in 2001, when I was spending a semester of college abroad in London, I dressed up in all black and walked around with a black umbrella to protest this holiday. Why do I hate Valentine's Day so much? Because it makes people who don't have a boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/lover feel badly about themselves. To [...]
Circle
My mom is so much better at teaching Ari things than I am. Apparently, she taught him the word "circle." He now recognizes the shape when you point it out to him.
Ari’s Desktop Design
Apparently, I underestimated my toddler's technology smarts. He was able to successfully change the desktop background on my computer. When I caught him, he had climbed up onto the computer chair, and was furiously clicking the mouse. He managed, in this process, to change the desktop background to this picture:Amazing! All I could do was laugh.
You Know You’re a Jewish Mother When…
I was on the subway watching some very talented break dancers do their thing. One of them was doing flips and such. Then I noticed that the one flipping all over the place was touching the disgusting subway floor with his gloved hands. And I began to fear for his life. I thought about all the germs that he was currently interacting with.When the two fantastic young breaking dancing lads were done with their performance I scrounged up some change and gave it to the gloved handed one. Then I said:"Will you please wash your gloves when you get home?"He laughed"Yeah, I know. I will. I usually buy new ones.""Don't take it personally," I said "I'm a Jewish mother."I can't help it. I fear for his health. I mean, as my mother always said "When your resistance is down, you can catch a bug!"I can only hope that he heeded my advice. If I had more time with him on the subway, I would have urged him to take vitamin C and echinacea to prevent further infection.G-d help me, I'm crazy.
You May Have a Cyst or it May be Cancer
I received a voicemail from a doctor at the ER. On the voicemail she said:"Hi, this is Dr. BEEP from the ER, we found something on your x-ray. Can you please give us a call back?"At the word "something" I was ready to hang up the phone immediately and call her back. But I forced myself to listen to the end of her message. I hung up and called back the ER. It rang a few times and then I got an infuriating voicemail box:"Hello, you've reached the Assistant Director of BEEP hospital leave a message!"So I now have the following information:--I have SOMETHING in my knee--The person who provided me with this information MAY not existIt turns out Dr. Beep was alive and well and proved her existence by returning my phone call.Here's how the conversation went:"Hi this is Dr. Beep from BEEP hosiptal. Thanks for calling us back, most people don't!""Of course!" I said "I want to know what you found on my x-ray!""Well, we found a lucency at the proximal tibial shaft that has uncertain significance." She said matter-of-factly"What does that mean in English?" I replied"Well," she began "You may have a cyst or it may be [...]
The Breakfast Collection – Canvases
Ari has recently decided that he is an artist. And when he is is involved in the creative process he cannot be disturbed.When Uncle Mike and him spent some time together, Ari channeled his creative energy and created "The Breakfast Collection."Here is it:If you are interested in purchasing "The Breakfast Collection" it is sold only as a set. You'll have to negotiate a price with the artist who can be contacted at: oldschoolnewschoolmom@oldschoolnewschoolmom.comAdditionally, the artist is willing to be hired for special events, especially weddings and baby showers.
Ari Feeds Kitty
I busted Ari feeding his spaghetti dinner to the cats...again. Unfortunately the lighting in my kitchen sucks so this video turned out really dark. I had two choices (as I saw it) one, post it as an incredibly dark video or two experiment with color contrast and post something stylized. I chose option two.