Empty
I feel empty but I'm actually a tea kettle full of boiling water. The lid is ready to whistle, but the water stays just under the surface threatening to rise. My eyes glaze over. I am stuck in this purgatory between almost expressing a genuine emotion and just sitting there. I am naked. Exposed. They can see what I'm feeling, even though I haven't felt it yet. I want the water to whistle. I want to be able to speak, but the words are trapped inside of me. So I wait... I want to cry. I want to scream. But I cannot. They might see. So I just sit and wait for it to boil. And then I will be free again. Free to say what I want. Free to write what I want. Free to be myself. I cannot be true to myself when I am under a giant microscope. Being observed like a human experiment. One day... I will be able to speak my truth again without being censored. One day... The words will flow out of me like a waterfall. They will gush and flow so much that I will barely be able to keep up with them. [...]
Just Do It
My kids are in a circus themed day camp for the next two weeks starting today. I am excited for them because they're going to have a blast. I was dreading the tasks I had to do today. In order to apply for non-profit status with Stigma Fighters there was a ton of paperwork I had to fill out. The worst part: it involved math. I didn't want to do it. But I knew that if I avoided it, that wouldn't get me closer to my goal of owning a non-profit. So I took a deep breath and my mom and I sat down together and we looked at the forms. I had a moment with myself. At that second I could have run away. It all seemed so hard. So overwhelming. But I told myself: yes. Yes you can. You can do this. Just start. Just do it. Pick up the pen and start with one box on that form. And with that, I grabbed the ballpoint pen and I began writing. At first it was like pushing myself through mud. It was uncomfortable and I felt a tremendous amount of resistance. It felt gross to stay in one place and do [...]
WIN a Bop Toy From Pueri Elemental!
This is by far the coolest item I've ever given away. Say hello to Jackson. He's a giant inflatable bear. Jackson is a Bop Toy from Pueri Elemental. He's cute and you (and most importantly your kids) can let out all your energy on him. Have you had a rough day? Feel free to let it out on Jackson. Jackson is one in a series of wild life animal Bop Toys. Check out my friend Logan the penguin: HE'S A GIANT PENGUIN! And your kids can wrestle with him. Finally, there is Abigal the Elephant: She is adorable and when it's a rainy day and your kids are feeling restless, they can jump on her face! Here's the story behind Bop Toys. One day, when she was feeling nostalgic, Donna, owner of Pueri Elemental, and her husband bought their three year old son a superhero-themed inflatable bop bag. They excitedly opened the box and pulled out a toy that smelled like a plastic shower curtain. Donna studied the product box but couldn't find any information on how it was made. She pulled out her IPad to do some research. Five minutes later, her husband and son were standing in a puddle of water. The [...]
This Blog Post Will Change Your Life
I'm sitting here at my computer trying to write a blog post. I want to say something funny. This is going to be the best blog post ever. You're going to laugh so hard. You might even pee on yourself a little while reading it. Get ready. This blog post will be so amazing that it will change your life. You might stop smoking because you read it. You most certainly will find your purpose in life after reading it. After reading this work of art known as a blog post you will convert to the religion that you're supposed to be. You didn't even know you wanted to be that religion. But, now that you've read what I wrote here, you definitely want to be Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, Bahai, Jewish or Mormon. The truth is, you've never done gymnastics, but after reading what I've written here, you will undoubtedly be able to do a one-handed cartwheel even if you have back problems. You're welcome. I know you've always wanted to be able to fly and become invisible. That's why I've written this amazing blog post. Now, you should be able to do both of those things. Do you have a [...]
My Rewire Me Moment: I Forgave Myself
I'm my own worst critic. Every day I wonder "could I have done that differently? Was that good enough? Did I do my best to help that particular person?" Even as I am writing this article I'm meticulously inspecting each and every word. I attribute my critical nature partly to my astrological chart. It's hard to have a moon in Virgo sometimes. Being critical is part of who I am. Writers are by nature critical beings. We are trained to dissect things. We crack them open and analyze every little thing. The trouble is, when that criticism takes over. When you no longer seem to have control over who or what you're breaking down and analyzing. Yesterday, I had what I would describe as a Rewire me moment. I was in therapy and I was talking a mile a minute. I was describing to my therapist a traumatic event that happened to me in 2001, when she stopped me. "I don't want to hear the rest of the story." She said. "Why?" "Because you are rushing through it," my kind therapist said. "I want you to sit with the feeling that you're having right now. What did you feel in that moment?" I was [...]
Bedroom Arcade & Break Up on Lexington Avenue: Chris Kooluris Speaks
Self-proclaimed disruptive PR dude Chris Kooluris has an usual bedroom in his Lexington Avenue apartment. He's surrounded by 80's arcade games such as: Punch Out, Mz. Pacman, and Tron. In other words, Kooluris lives in a bedroom arcade: Once upon a time, Kooluris and his then fiancee moved into her apartment in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. They were planning a future together. Kooluris put his Lexington Avenue apartment on the market, but no one wanted to buy it. Kooluris and his girlfriend were in love, but sharing space in New York City is tricky and finding your own identity within a shared space is even tougher. Around this time, Kooluris was reading a book (recommended by his fiancee) called Ready Player One. The book is about a futuristic world where everyone is tapped into a virtual reality called OASIS. The book features throwback references to old 80s video games and (ultimately) gave Kooluris an idea. He decided instead of selling his apartment, he would transform his old space into an arcade. That's when he created the bedroom arcade. The bedroom arcade became a major project. Kooluris began spending copious amounts of time on message boards researching old arcade games and getting tips from gaming pros. He [...]
Stigma Fighters: Peter O.
According to NAMI, 60 millions adults (1 in 4) in the US suffer from mental illness, such as depression and panic disorders. Out of these folks, 14 million people (4 in 100) have a serious mental illness, ranging form bi-polar disorder, schizophrenia, and and severe depression. An estimated 15 million children (1 in 5) suffer from mental illness, with 20% of these kids, ranging from 13 to 18 years of age, that have a serious mental disorder. Like me. When I was 17, I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 and ADHD. And I’ve struggled with self-harm for close to 30 years. Bipolar 2 is a mild form of bipolar disorder. There are two sides…hypomania and depression. Every few weeks my moods can switch from being manic to be being depressed and vice versa. Highs of euphoria, rapid speech, lack of sleep, impulsive decision-making. My mind goes a million cycles a second. I sometimes can’t keep up. When I go through a manic streak, there are times in which I have no idea what the hell I’m going to do next. Things just happen with no rhyme or reason. Everything that happens is like being on the outside of the Japanese bullet [...]
Stop School Shootings With Stigma Fighters
We've seen a rise in gun violence and school shootings in our country in the last decade. It seems that every week there is a new incident of violence that we (as a society) feel hopeless to prevent. There has been a lot of emphasis on more stringent gun control laws, which I agree with, but there is a larger issue at hand here: mental health. We are not addressing mental health issues in this country. The more that these issues get swept under the proverbial rug, the more we will continue to witness episodes of violence in our country. The shooters needed mental health treatment that they were not receiving. We need to change this. That's where Stigma Fighters comes in. I am forming a non-profit from Stigma Fighters to spread awareness, understanding and empathy for mental illness. I will be forming Stigma Fighters chapters in universities around the country so young people have a place to discuss mental health concerns. Please donate today to make Stigma Fighters a 501C3 organization. Stop the violence. Speak about mental health. Donate today! http://www.funddreamer.org/campaigns/help-stigma-fighters-become-a-501c3
Everyone Has a Story
Everyone has a story. Each day is a new page. Each moment in your life is a new sentence. Sometimes it's not clear what's going to happen next in your story. The future might be unclear. But it will be written. Different characters will enter your story. They will change your life in some small way. If they become main characters they will shake your life to the core. My story is uncertain today, but I'm continuing to write it. My hand is trembling and the pen is running out of ink but I'm still writing.
Stigma Fighters: Shirley J.
On January 20 of 2010 my husband had me committed to the psychiatric ward in London, Ontario. He persuaded our daughter to call me and to ask me to meet her at a restaurant so that we could talk. When I arrived a police officer took me under a warrant. I was taken to the Emergency ward of the London South hospital and spent most of the night there waiting to be admitted. During this time I was not offered anything to eat or drink and ended up asking to go to the washroom where I drank from the tap. There is no doubt that I was not in the normal frame of mind when my husband wrote up the application to have me arrested under the Mental Health Act. I had been having a rising in consciousness inside me and had been having visions and dreams, insomnia, downloads of inspiration. It was a time of disquiet in my mind. I had asked my daughters to help me do a video early the morning of the 18th of January, and this video, which I reviewed recently, showed me what state of mind I was in. I was filled with fear [...]
Stigma Fighters: Philip B.
I suffer from depression. I've struggled with my mental health since my teens, though at that time I didn't really know that’s what it was for the longest time. It has taken many subtle forms which I didn't realize were part and parcel of it, or really abnormal in any way. A lack of focus, periods of intense lethargy and apathy, sever insomnia... these were all things I came to view as normal parts of life, and though they seemed to be odd sometimes, it was mostly written off as just a quirk. Now, though, I understand that they are entwined with my mental state. My childhood environment did not allow for discussion of things like mental health. It was seen as a weakness, or as a temporary condition which was being inflated. For me, the idea was basically just that I had to toughen up, soldier on, and ignore things. Coping was easy and unhealthy. It was more acceptable to engage in risky behaviors than to seek help, so that was how I did it. Self-harm was a huge part of my coping mechanism, and I avoided seeking any kind of outside help like the plague. I flirted with [...]
Stigma Fighters: Jenna K.
It wasn’t until after I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder at the age of eighteen that I could see the signs of mental illness throughout my childhood and young-adulthood. The “hyper attacks” and moments I called “mad scientist” were early manic episodes. The times when I was too angry or sad to function properly were depressive episodes. I remembered counting syllables of sentences before I fell asleep. As I aged, the episodes became more frequent, severe, and lasted longer. My OCD changed from annoying to destructive. I had my first serious episode that required a doctor’s attention when I was fifteen and a sophomore in high school. I was being sexually harassed at a new school I had just started that winter, and I was not adjusting well. I turned to self harm as a way to deal with how I was feeling, and I used it as a sort of bargaining tool with myself. I would let myself cut if I did my homework, went to class, etc. Eventually, I was too unwell to even go to school, and my family made the decision to move to Maryland. Before this point, we had been living in [...]
Stigma Fighters: Paul Huljich
STIGMA AND ITS HARSH CONSEQUENCES “There is a perception that there is no stigma. But know, that it is alive and thriving” Mental illness can strike anyone at anytime! It knows no age limits, economic status, race, creed or color. Yet despite widespread efforts to reduce the stigma attached to mental illness, Americans still perceive it as shameful. The Surgeon General, after reviewing scientific evidence, concluded that the stigma attached to mental illness constituted the "primary barrier" to treatment and recovery. Stigma could be reduced, many believed, if people could be convinced that mental illnesses were "real" brain disorders and not volitional behaviors for which people should be blamed and punished. Many prominent reports emphasize, scientific understanding as a way to reduce stigma, according to a new study published online this past September 15, 2013 in the American Journal of Psychiatry. 1 The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that by the year 2020 mental illness will be the second leading cause of death and disability.2 Ultimately, every society across borders and cultures alike will have to address the issue. However the question that arises in my mind is how will they? Will the issue of mental illness be embraced with [...]
Stigma Fighters: Elly T.
Over ten months, I morphed from a skinny blonde into a 45-pound-heavier brunette. From being praised by my workplace boss for a great job of managing change in our organisation to struggling to explain to my husband the changes happening inside me. I went from a woman who could buy a house to a woman who could barely take a shower. Left behind a wide circle of friends and nights partying to long days living between neighbours I didn’t know and the ghosts of dance-floor memories. Nobody warned me that motherhood was likely to affect my sense of who I was as a person and how I felt about myself. Or that losing myself could lead to postpartum depression. I didn’t know I was depressed. I just thought I was exhausted and yet I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t know insomnia was an early sign that something was amiss. I thought it was the same for all new parents and so I just sucked it up; I didn’t tell anybody. I didn’t know I was anxious. What I did know was that my stress levels would peak about half an hour before my husband came home each night and that on [...]