Blog 2017-08-30T17:30:57+00:00

Self Sabotage

Self-sabotaging it is an addictive behavior. It’s not like you don’t want to be happy. However, happiness can be scary if you've experienced it infrequently and it’s hard to accept that things are going well. If you're not used to your life going smoothly and you are more accustomed to chaos, things going according to plan can be jarring and terrifying. It's important to remember that life doesn't always have to be difficult. We go through challenging times, but it doesn't need to always be so rocky. There are periods of life that can be pleasant and even joyful. When you get a new job or get married or have a baby, these are happy occasions that we can cherish. It is tempting to sabotage a relationship, for example, if you are used to being in dysfunctional relationships and you've entered into a healthy one that brings you love and contentment. That doesn't mean it's a healthy choice for your life, just because it's a familiar one. When things going well and you're used to a life filled with pain and struggles, this is an aberration from the norm it can be frightening. If you are used to things going poorly [...]

By | March 14th, 2018|Categories: Uncategorized|Comments Off on Self Sabotage

You Don’t Need Them to Understand

I need you to approve my life choices and tell me that I'm making the right decision. Can you please tell me that this is correct and will make everything better? I don't know what I am doing and I need your reassurance so that I can make a decision. If you don't tell me what to do, I can't do anything. It's true! I'm waiting for your feedback. I want you to be the one to show me which road to take. There's 78 of them and they all look confusing. Relationships are confusing, whether they are labeled or not. It's okay "not to know," and to take things as they come, I know this, but I don't have anything in my brain that allows me to make choices. I'm not good at it and I don't know how to get that skillset. I've learned many skills but making choices has escaped me, like when you open the door and your dog runs outside without your consent. So can you make this decision for me, please? I know you're good at decisions and I'm sure this one will be easy for you. I'm telling you, I see a talent [...]

By | March 13th, 2018|Categories: Uncategorized|Comments Off on You Don’t Need Them to Understand

Judge or Accept

We are all judgmental in some way and if somebody says that they do not judge others, they are not being honest with themselves. When you meet a person for the first time,  you have an impression of them, whether it’s negative or positive. It's understandable that you might pass judgment on them because that is a reality of the human experience. If you were not judging people you wouldn’t be human. That’s not bad and there isn’t anything "wrong" with you; as human beings, we judge others and it can be harsh. That’s based on our past experiences and our insecurities. If you feel like you hate somebody it isn’t evil or wrong; it is because you’re having a visceral reaction to them. You are not evil or wrong, you are trying to assess their character and decide who they are as a person. Remember those first impressions aren't always an accurate impression of who someone actually is or how you'll get along with them. My son gave me a great piece of advice: "give everyone a chance." I try not to put too much credence into my first impressions of people. Sometimes those impressions are not accurate and [...]

By | March 12th, 2018|Categories: Uncategorized|Comments Off on Judge or Accept

Why We Can’t Keep Sheltering Them In This Digital Age

Why We Can’t Keep Sheltering Them In This Digital Age The hardest working parents take different approaches to raising their kids. They can be too strict, loving or somewhere in between. If I had the choice, I would never allow my child to get exposed to drugs or alcohol. But, in today’s digital age, we have no choice. Eventually, they can just go online and learn about it themselves. Now, we are faced with the new challenges of not sheltering our kids, but educating them before someone else does. Here are some ways to teach your kids about drugs or alcohol. Start Very Young At the ages of 3-8, children are very impressionable. You can make it clear how you feel about drugs or alcohol. They might not know what these concepts are, but they will be associated with “bad” or “negative” thoughts from when they grow up. Of course, I know one of my kids would love to know what is bad and run around screaming it. So, you really have to guage you child for the unique individual they are at the time. Monitor Their Activities As children grow up, you still have plenty of years to monitor [...]

By | February 22nd, 2018|Categories: Uncategorized|Comments Off on Why We Can’t Keep Sheltering Them In This Digital Age

Don’t Go On The Internet If You’re A Hypochondriac

Being a hypochondriac is fun because you’re always convinced that you’re dying. It was just today that I was talking to one of my best friends from New York and she was convinced that she had an STD. The likelihood is that she does not; she always uses condoms. Since both of us have anxiety we worry about catching a mysterious disease. There are so many things in life to worry about and it’s a drag to worry about dying all the time. Unfortunately this is my life with OCD . One of the worst things that you can do when you have an anxiety disorder is go on the Internet and try to figure out what’s wrong with you. People joke about going on WebMD and thinking that you’re dying of cancer but for someone with anxiety and hypochondria this is a reality. I try to stay away from WebMD because it makes me think that I am actually going to pass over to the next world immediately. Mayo Clinic is friendlier looking and a seemingly more benign source for information than its nemesis WebMD. Still, there are so many quizzes out there that tell you if you have [...]

By | January 31st, 2018|Categories: Uncategorized|Comments Off on Don’t Go On The Internet If You’re A Hypochondriac

Grieving New York City

I’m not sure whether I have to grieve the loss of New York or not. I have been in Portland for four months and it still feels weird. I don’t feel like it’s my home necessarily because I lived in New York for 37 years in both Manhattan and Brooklyn. The Pacific Northwest is new to me and I'm still figuring a lot of it out. In some ways, I am grieving the loss of my hometown because I don’t know when I’ll be back there again. I remember when I first moved to Portland, I was crying on the phone to my mom and I said: "I feel like I’m in prison."  I didn’t feel like I was able to leave this place and I was trapped. I chose to move here and I had to deal with the consequences of leaving New York. I should have been excited, it was an adventure that I was wanting to take for so long. Now that I finally got to the west coast, I didn’t feel the same enthusiasm that I once imagined I would feel once I made my exodus west. Portland was this utopia that I imagined and everybody [...]

By | January 29th, 2018|Categories: Uncategorized|Comments Off on Grieving New York City

She’s Still In There

I've worked so hard to get rid of her but she's still in there. When I'm fighting so hard, thinking that I'm strong, that I don't have the opportunity to break down, she screams and claws her way out of my chest and makes it known that she's hurting so bad that living is nearly impossible. She thinks that being sad and angry is sort of "cool." But it's not because it's actually cool, it's because it's the only way she knows how to be. Her life is suddenly tragic, but there is comedy going on all around her. She is continually in an existential crisis mode. People probably think she is an elitist snob, but she's actually stuck in her own head and can't get out to speak to you. She wrote a lot of poetry, most of it was overly emotional and stream of consciousness. She just wanted someone to save her, a boy, someone who cared. But she didn't realize that it was only her that could save herself. It seemed impossible to climb out of the darkness that she chose to consume herself with. All she knew was the life of being depressed. She didn't know [...]

By | January 27th, 2018|Categories: Uncategorized|Comments Off on She’s Still In There

People Who Call Themselves Empaths Aren’t Always Empaths

I consider myself to be an empathetic person. I care about other people and their feelings and I often make a conscious effort to place myself in the other person's position. I don't, however, refer to myself as an empath. I was talking to my friend Drew about this today. He said he noticed that people who call themselves empaths are often pretentious and bragging about how much they help people, which is counterintuitive to the term. If you love helping people, you love it because it feels good and you reap the rewards of seeing those people happy. Showing other people how generous you are and talking about it constantly doesn't make you look like you actually care about people. Also today, my friend Pepper had the same sentiment to share. She noticed that people were sharing quotes on Facebook that were "inspirational" and then claiming to be empaths. I think there is something about the word that's irritating. It's sort of like saying you're a guru or a prophet. It's like being an empath gives you some superpower. I don't actually think that's true. I believe as people we all have the capacity for empathy and (in fact) [...]

By | January 25th, 2018|Categories: Uncategorized|Tags: , , , |Comments Off on People Who Call Themselves Empaths Aren’t Always Empaths

Even Introverts Get Lonely, Like Me

As an introvert, I like to be alone, but there are times when this alone time doesn't feel great. This happens when I have been alone for an excessive period of time. There are people who intrinsically enjoy being by themselves because it's who they are. There is a significant part of me that enjoys being by myself. It's something that gives me joy. As a kid, I would sit on my bed thinking and that was actually a hobby. I feel the same way to an extent as an adult and particularly as a mom. I don't have the opportunity to think often. But, one thing happens when I start thinking is that thinking turns into worrying and that's when it becomes a less enjoyable thing to be alone. I don't like that feeling at all. Anxiety is the opposite of fun and it makes alone time unpleasant. When I start going into a worrying or overthinking mode, I need to get out of my head, out of the house (in fact) and start seeing people. I do like being around people a lot sometimes. But when I am around them for a social event, for example, I need [...]

By | January 24th, 2018|Categories: Uncategorized|Comments Off on Even Introverts Get Lonely, Like Me

Fluctuating Sense of Self

My "sense of self" changes frequently. There are some days where I feel like I’m on top of the world. And there other days when I don’t feel so great about me. Today I felt like a failure. And there is no logical reason for it. I felt like I wasn’t doing anything right and there was nothing that could salvage that life experience for me. I think we all have those days, and they are called "the human experience" but they are still not pleasant. As women, we can be critical of ourselves to the point where we destroy our bodies through eating disorders or other harmful measures that we do ourselves. Those are physical manifestations of how we are unkind to ourselves. But I realize that the language we use when talking to ourselves important. If you’re telling yourself that you’re a loser you’re going to feel like a loser. If you’re telling yourself that you can’t do anything then you probably can’t do anything. If you’re telling yourself that you’re lazy you’re going to feel like you were actually lazy. I just think that our sense of self is not something that is fixed and can fluidly [...]

By | January 23rd, 2018|Categories: Uncategorized|Comments Off on Fluctuating Sense of Self

Is it Needy or Is it Human?

I've wondered about "neediness." Is it "needy" to want people to support you when you're having an extremely trying time in your life and you already suffer from mental illness? I don't believe that it is. I already manage my OCD with reward-based exposure therapy, so I am working on being a healthy independent person. But, in addition to being independent, I tell other people when I need support and that's what I'm doing right now. Life has thrown me some serious curve balls and hit me right in the nose multiple times. Good analogy right? I obviously don't play baseball. I'm hurting and it's not because of me, it's because I am fighting for one of the small members of my family and my son needs me to do that for him. I am his person, I have armor, a sword, a shield and an arsenal of tools that I'm ready to go to war with for him. But just because I'm strong doesn't mean I'm not vulnerable and hurting. Just because I'm doing things doesn't mean I don't want to be taken care of and trust me, I do. I want someone to make me soup, I want someone to [...]

By | January 23rd, 2018|Categories: Uncategorized|Comments Off on Is it Needy or Is it Human?

I’m staying up until forever o’clock to get things done

As a new mother, you don't sleep much. You've got an infant who is always crying because they need something and it's understandable for you to be exhausted. Having a baby is hard work and you're up every couple of hours feeding, changing or soothing this little baby. There's a myth out there that once your baby gets older, you start to sleep more. People need to stop saying this because it's a lie. You do not get more sleep as your child gets older. That's just not true at all. My kids are six and nine right now and it's almost 2 am and look at me! I'm still awake trying to get this blog post done. I'm writing because this is the only "free" time I have. I have to stay up until forever o'clock to get alone time to do my thing. But, in reality, my life is so packed with stuff, that I can barely get an opportunity to pee or eat. Today, I had yogurt, granola and cookie dough for dinner; not all together, the cookie dough was for dessert. I'm not a barbarian, okay? I save the cookie dough for later. Anyway, I am trying [...]

By | January 6th, 2018|Categories: Uncategorized|Comments Off on I’m staying up until forever o’clock to get things done

Bobby McFerrin Was Wrong: I Need to Worry to Be Happy

I want to be happy with my whole body and soul. As much as I want to let depression go just “be happy,” I can’t force myself to stop being depressed because that’s not how depression works. Remember that Bobby McFerrin song “Don’t worry, Be happy?” I have always admired the simplicity of that song. I also loved the way that Bobby McFerrin was able to make music with his mouth like a bad ass. Whenever I heard the whistling in that song, I wished that I could follow simple instructions. It seemed like such a wonderful idea! It would be great if I just didn’t worry about things. If I could let go and be content, that would be wonderful and amazing. It would be a euphoric experience if I was able to just “be happy.” As much as I would love to be happy, snap my fingers and make that happen, I can’t do that. Happiness isn't a magical thing that occurs by willing it to happen. I can make the best effort to take actions that will help myself. I can learn and grow by being introspective and letting go of destructive thought patterns. Depression is fueled [...]

By | January 4th, 2018|Categories: Uncategorized|Tags: |Comments Off on Bobby McFerrin Was Wrong: I Need to Worry to Be Happy

Facebook is the destroyer of people’s opinions

Do you have an opinion? Would you like it to be completely verbally eviscerated? Are you feeling great today? Would you like to stop feeling that way and have someone invalidate your feelings? Open your browser or get on your smartphone and head to Facebook! 1,2,3, your opinion is completely invalid. All you have to do is post something benign like "I love kittens!" Invariably someone will get uncontrollably angry or offended and say "I am allergic and I don't like cats anyway." Why is that necessary to say? I was so happy about my love for kittens and you fucking ruined my life. I hate you. Their anger is so potent that they could benefit from some serious anger management. If you ever have the thought "what is wrong with people?" look to Facebook and you will inevitably receive an answer to this age-old query. They want to fight, that's what's wrong with them. They want to be right, and they don't actually care what you just said. The "reply" feature on Facebook statuses was designed to facilitate arguments between users. I know they won't admit that to the public, but I am telling you that's what it's there for. I [...]

By | January 1st, 2018|Categories: Uncategorized|Comments Off on Facebook is the destroyer of people’s opinions

I found my voice and I’m not afraid to use it

For many years I was an introverted child. I grew up to be an introverted adult in my 20's in particular. In my 30's I realized that I didn't have to be silent or hold back anymore. If people don't like that, they can fuck off. I'm not here to please people anymore or walk on egg shells. I've embraced myself, the real me who has been in there the whole time. It took me being silent and internalizing my pain for so long and tolerating people who made me hate myself and my life to get to this point. I'm not ashamed of the mental and emotional processes I went through to get to this point, in fact if I hadn't gone through that journey, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I welcome whatever comes my way, because it is helpful on my life path. We don't choose what happens to us, but we have the choice on how to cope with those events. I didn't choose to have OCD, but I have it. I didn't want a neurological disorder that makes me obsess and worry about things that probably will never happen. But I am learning [...]

By | December 31st, 2017|Categories: Uncategorized|Comments Off on I found my voice and I’m not afraid to use it
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