I’m a Nice Person and There’s No Catch
I'm a nice person. That's it. I could probably end this post right then and there. Except there's more to say here. I like helping people. It makes me happy to help others. I suppose you could look at it in a selfish way. It makes me feel good about myself to do good deeds for others. So if you want to characterize that as self-motivated go right ahead.That doesn't make me less nice.Often times, when I compliment someone for no reason, or I do a good deed for another person they find it confusing and don't know how to process it.When I was on my way to be interviewed by The Huffington Post the other day, I noticed this woman on the subway. Her coat was beautiful. So I said:"Excuse me, I really like your coat.""Oh, thank you so much!" She replied. Then her face changed. "You must not be from New York." She said with a frown. I knew what she was getting at. She said it because she wasn't used to interacting with nice people. New Yorkers have a reputation for being abrupt and rude."Actually," I corrected her, "I am from New York. I'm just a nice [...]
Three Year Olds Are Assholes- The Positive Reframe – By K. Cozzo, School Psychologist
K. Cozzo is a School Psychologist, Aspiring Writer, and temporary SAHM on the brink of insanity due to temporary SAHM status Saturday morning, a comrade-in-arms (aka fellow parent of a preschooler) sent me the link to the Huff Post Parents blog post entitled ‘”Three-Year-Olds are Aholes.” My initial reaction was, “Daaamn straight,” and upon reading the entry, I found it to be every bit as hilarious, honest, and accurate as expected.Truth is, it’s been a long winter on the East Coast, and “snow” is the dirtiest of four-letter words. There’ve been too many weekends where by Sunday night, my house has been trashed and my patience trampled by a crabby little creature literally climbing the walls in a paint-stained purple princess dress, worn over her pajamas, both of which she’s refused to take off since morning.Tonight, with another day of snow (aka house arrest) looming, I’m weary before it even arrives. But instead of dreading or fearing what lies ahead, I find myself harkening back to my introductory counseling class in grad school. I remember a lesson on the “positive reframe” technique and being given an exercise where we were forced to turn negative adjectives/qualities into positives. So, in the hopes [...]
I’m Traumatized From Getting My Children Ready in The Morning
It's 5:45am and I hear the creak of my daughter's bedroom door open. Her sound machine is still on. I can hear the fake rain sound emanating from the distance. Then I hear the thumping of her little feet hit the floor. She runs directly into my bedroom and proclaims: "Good morning mama!" I groggily rub my eyes and muster up a semi-comprehensible response: "Good morning my love." I muster back. But what I really want to say is "Oh my G-d it's so fucking early. Couldn't you have slept one more hour/" But I don't. I get up and go into the kitchen with her. I microwave some frozen pancakes and she eats them readily. All the while I am praying that my son sleeps a little bit longer. He's not a morning person, so there is that. After I give her the pancakes I put my coffee mug in the microwave for three minutes to get the water hot enough for the French Press. During this time I'm continually anticipating my daughter's impatience and eventual descent from her chair and down the hall toward the living room. I'm thinking in my mind I hope she sits there just [...]
Samara Gets Pink Hair
For months, after I dyed my hair purple, Samara was asking for purple hair. I kept putting that information in the back of my mind. I wanted to do more research about the right products to use so as not to damage her hair too much.I finally got it together, and a friend of mine who does color professionally came over to dye Samara's hair.I have to say, Samara was a great client. My friend remarked that she was an ideal client and more patient than her adult clients. I attribute that to the IPad. The only part that was unpleasant for both of us was washing out the dye from her hair. She was like "No! I don't wanna get wet!" I had to remind her that the end result was pretty pink hair. And voila! Here it is: "Samara, you look like Twilight Sparkle!" I said to her. Twilight Sparkle is one of Samara's favorite My Little Ponies. "No!" She said back "I Pinkie Pie!" After all this excitement, homegirl was tired. So she lay down on the purple couch. Next color up: blue!
Being a Sensitive Person on The Internet
I wrote an article. That article went viral. It was controversial…I guess. People had strong reactions to it. When I wrote it, I didn't think about what other people would think. It was about getting my feelings out. Writing is a form of catharsis for me. It always has been and always will be.What I wasn't prepared for is how I would feel when other people disagreed with me. I'm fine with people having a differing point of view from my own. I have a difficult time handling it when people attack me for having an opinion. The reason is that I'm a sensitive person.Being sensitive is challenging in itself, but when you combine being sensitive with becoming a public persona, it's a whole different ball game.When someone says something negative about something that I've written, it hurts. People have told me I have to develop a thicker skin. Well, they're right to an extent. However, it's difficult not to feel hurt when someone tells you that "you're an asshole" or "you've hurt your innocent daughter by writing what you wrote."Yeah that shit hurts. I'm not going to pretend it doesn't, because I would be lying to myself. And I'm [...]
To The People That Are Offended By The Word “Asshole”
I've received such wonderful feedback from my article 3 Year Olds are Assholes. I want to address the issue of profanity used in the piece.As I mentioned in my HuffPost Live interview, it's not acceptable to use profanity at your children. However, as parents we're humans. We may think these things in our minds. We may need to step out of the other room to take a breather from an intense negotiation with our toddler, because we need a break.Parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I can say that with all honesty. Anyone who claims that parenting is easy is either a liar or in denial. Straight up.It's okay to feel frustrated with your children. It is okay to be angry at not being able to control a situation. We are all humans, including our kids, and hence, we are not perfect. We're deeply flawed creatures. A part of being flawed is recognizing that we may have angry thoughts related to our children when we are having a bad parenting day.And guess what? That's okay. You have to forgive yourself as a parent. Forgive the fact that you may not want to look at [...]
Beware the Trolls
There are some creatures that live on the Internet. They only come out when there is something negative that they would like to share. They are called trolls. Now when I think of trolls, I immediately envision this toy from my childhood: They are silly and have neon hair. They're also called trolls.The trolls that live on Internet don't look like this. But wouldn't it be awesome if they did?So if you come on my blog and leave me a nasty comment, I'm just going to reply with this: Have a wonderful day!
Men are Just as Sensitive as Women – They Just Show it Differently
Our society boosts that women are sensitive creatures. We are in touch with our emotions. We're able to express ourselves and tell others when we're sad or angry. We have no problems crying. In fact, women and girls are encouraged to cry if the occasion permits. Cry, let it out, it's okay to cry, I've been told over and over again.Little boys, on the other hand, are often told to "stop crying" from a young age. There is a societal expectation for boys to display toughness. I took a developmental psychology course during undergraduate career. In that course, I read a book called Real Boys By Dr. William Pollack of Harvard Medical School. In the book, Pollack talks about the issue of repressed emotions in boys and men. He specifically calls attention to the fact that men are discouraged from crying and expressing outward sadness.Due to the fact that men are told not to cry and suck it up from a young age, they often become disassociated from their feelings of sadness.What happens when you remove someone's ability to express sadness? They find another emotion to replace it with. Often times this emotion is anger. Most men, from my experience, have no [...]
HuffPost Live Interview – Three-Year-Olds are Assholes
I had the pleasure of being on HuffPost Live today. I had a blast, but next time I'm doing my hair before I go on TV.Enjoy!
Guest Post – “Settled Relaxation and Bliss” and other Salient Quotes for a Woman Tickling 30
This post is from Kristen McConnell over at Soft Science Notes. Here's more about Kristen:I’m a nurse and a mother who has recently started a new chapter. After living with my parents for a few years as a single mother working full-time in an ICU, I recently got married and moved with my daughter to Brooklyn to live with my husband. Right now I’m spending most of my time trying to learn in earnest how to be a homemaker and a wife, and taking care of my daughter who is 5 and has special needs, including severe apraxia of speech. A couple days ago as I crawled searchingly through the mountain of mail that grows in a corner of my apartment I came across a Christmas card from a friend of my husband's that I hadn't seen. This friend (old, wise, childless) had written that after the exciting changes my husband and I encountered in 2013 (we got married, moved in together for the first time, and he became a stepfather to my daughter) he hoped 2014 would be a year of settled relaxation and bliss for us.I simultaneously scoffed, chortled, and rolled my eyes --- yeah, right! --- before [...]
Today, I Believe in Myself
I've spent my entire life telling myself I was a bad person. My inner dialogue has been primarily self-critical. The negative voice in my head was over-powering."You can't do this. You're not good at that.""Give up.""You're a bad person.""Nobody loves you."It hurt me to listen to that voice. I can be quite loud. Sometimes I feel like it's shouting at me.My father suggested that I should give the voice a name and tell it that it's not welcome. I feel like giving it a name gives it more power.I realized that I can never get rid of the overwhelming negative thoughts in my head, however I can redirect them. I can tell them to pack their bags and get on an airplane. I can tell them that there's a flight leaving for the North Pole and they'd better hurry because the plane is boarding.That being said, something magical has happened to me. I woke up and that negative voice was gone.Today, I believe in myself.Today, I believe that I can.Today, I'm aware of my talents.Today, I know who I am and I like myself.Today, big things are possible.I used to believe that people that were confident had big egos. I [...]
An Open Letter to Jessica Davis
There is a ridiculous trend on the Internet where people write "open letters" to people and companies. Every time I see one I get a little nauseated.But this time, I think it calls for an open letter. This occasion is a special one. One of my best friends on the Internet is having surgery tomorrow. Her name is Jessica Davis. Jessica is having surgery tomorrow for her bone disorder, M.H.E.I will miss her until she's back in effect writing her brains out.So without further ado, I present to you an open letter to Jessica Davis:Dear Jessica Davis,What will I do without you texting me every hour? I will miss the cat stickers. I'll feel despondent when I don't see a message asking me every hour or two if I've read your novel. I will miss feeling guilty that I'm only on page two of your book. But I won't be on page two for long. Now that you're going to be having surgery tomorrow, I will need something to remind me of you. So, what I will do while you're under anesthesia is…read your book. I know you'll be proud. And even though I'm only on page two because my [...]
Morgan: Happy Pink Shirt Day! Bullies, Take This!
It's Pink Shirt Day today, which means it is also anti-bullying day. I was bullied in the 8th grade. I made friends with a girl named Morgan. She lived on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. I thought it was wonderful going to her house. She had a Swatch phone which you could talk into from two sides. Her apartment was huge and she was very wealthy. At first I liked hanging out with her and going to her house. But then, she made me feel badly about myself.Morgan, Alex and I used to hang out together. We were a trio. One day, things started to change. I noticed that Morgan was talking to Alex about me behind my back. I didn't know what she was saying but I knew it wasn't good. Other classmates told me that Morgan was gossiping about me. I felt uncomfortable with the situation, but I was unsure how to handle it.I was 13 years-old at the time. I was scared. I felt vulnerable, but I didn't know who to turn to for help. At the time, I had tickets to a Mariah Carey concert. I was supposed to go with Morgan and I believe [...]
Toby Klinger Does My Makeup and I Feel Beautiful
For my entire life I've struggled with feeling attractive. I went through a serious awkward phase in junior high school. I looked around at the popular girls and wondered "why can't I look like them?" As a 12 year-old I wanted to be beautiful. 22 years later, and I still struggle with the same thing. I want to feel beautiful, yet I don't sometimes.Part of it (for me) is that after I had children, my body changed. I gained 10 pounds and I don't feel the same way about myself.Enter Toby Klinger. I've known Toby since we were 15 years old and went to F.H. LaGuardia High School of Music and Art & Performing Arts. I was a drama major and she was an art major.We kept in touch through the land of Facebook.One day, I was feeling yucky about myself. I remembered that Toby was a makeup artist extraordinaire. I knew that she'd done makeup for celebrities and fashion shows and was making a solid living as a makeup artist in NYC. I reached out to her and asked if I could hire her to do my makeup.Now let me back the bus up. I have never worn makeup [...]
Guest Post – Don’t Ask Me Why I Don’t Match My Kids
Sarah Carmichael is the mother in a kick-ass Canadian family comprised of her husband, her soon-to-be six year old son, and her two year old daughter. She works as an independent contractor and has been blogging at sarahcasm.ca since 2006. As far as she’s concerned, it’s all a matter of perspective. “How did she come to you?” she said as she twirled my two year old’s curls around her finger. “Do you foster her?” Before she could blink, my daughter was out of her reach and perched on my hip. “She’s mine.” I said. “I gave birth to her.” Perhaps the curls threw her - or maybe it was how the brown of her skin contrasted with the stark whiteness of mine. Maybe it was both. I didn’t ask. I didn’t want to know. Upon seeing the differences between me and my daughter, this woman assumed that she was not of my body. Did it not cross her mind that my husband could be black? Did she not know that brown babies can come out of white mothers? Had she never seen an interracial family before? Why wasn’t black father her assumption before white foster mother? So many questions. The [...]