You are Not Broken
You are not broken.No matter what he says to you.You are whole.You are strong.Hold on.Even if it feels like no one is listening.Despite the fact that it may appear like you are alone, you are not alone.You are loved.Even if it's just you who loves you. That's enough for now.You're beautiful, even if he says you're ugly.You're strong, though he tells you you're weak.You're steady and stable, even though he tells you that you're crazy.It's not crazy to believe in being treated better.It's not insane to love yourself.You are you.He is him.You're not going to change him.But you can make your life better.You can stand up and say, I will not tolerate this.You are able to voice the word "No."You can create a new life for yourself.The world needs you.You need you.Don't give up.It's going to be okay.I'm holding you.I'm embracing you.Because I am you.
The Well
I was living underground in a dark well. It was dark and cold down there. I was starving. I tried to remember the last time I ate, but it escaped me. I learned to ignore the sounds of my stomach rumbling. There was no point in imagining food. There hadn't been any in seven years. I couldn't figure out how I was still alive.I spent my days staring into the darkness of the well walls. If I stared long enough shapes would form out of them. I focused and unfocused my eyes. I saw squares and circles and triangles. They were everywhere.One thought stayed with me. I would never leave this place. It was home. I tried to recall how I got here, but my mind was blank. So I just stared.Blackness.One day, I took a chance and instead of looking straight ahead, I turned my glance upward. Then I saw it. It was a sharp prism of light emanating from outside of the well. All at once I heard a thump! There it was: a rope clinging to the side of the dark well wall.Was it real?Should I touch it?My hands quivered in fear. I was shaking from lack [...]
Trolls Should Take Philosophy Courses
The Internet is a funny place. I had a lot of fun writing 3-Year-Olds are Assholes. I knew from the moment I began to write this piece the varying reactions I was going to receive. I had a sense that some people would understand the satirical nature of the piece. I had a sense that there were other parents out there who shared my dry sense of humor. I also knew that other folks would be offended by the piece. Some of them wouldn't read past the title with the word "asshole" in it and then write me an email telling me that I (myself) was an asshole. True story.What I didn't anticipate were the reaction blogs. There have been quite a few people who have had strong emotional reactions to the piece. These individuals took the time write about their own feelings about my article in blog posts. On the one hand, I think this is great! I'm glad that people are having strong reactions and the article is making people think. However, what I take issue with in some of these pieces is the way that the writer attacks my character. There's a few of these articles where [...]
Sleeping With NYC
Sara Meghdari is a photographer from Iran living in NYC. Over the past year, she's been working on a unique photo project. It's called "Sleeping With NYC." The project involves spending a night with New York natives and photographing them while they fall asleep. I was introduced to Sara through my wonderful friend Alex who is also a visual artist.Alex asked if I would be interested in participating Sara's project. I said I would love to. So Sara and I came up with a date and she came over to my place to photograph my nighttime routine. Her photographs came out beautifully. At first I thought, how will I fall asleep while she's photographing me? But the sound of the clicking camera put me right to bed. Here are some other examples of her work below. She's quite talented. For more information on Sara's art click here.
I Guess I Have ADHD
I guess I have ADHD. I hate labels. I don't like stigmas that follow with labels. But the truth is I have it. Yesterday, I was supposed to help my friend Trish with a transcript. I tried to transcribe for hours. Of course it didn't help that my kids were running around being kids during this process. But, that's not really an excuse. You see, one of the advantages of having ADHD is that I can hyper-focus. That means, ironically, I can zoom in on one particular task and the house could possibly be burning down, but I wouldn't notice because I'm writing a novel.Anyway…I tried to transcribe this audio file for Trish, but I couldn't focus for more than one minute at time. I would go on Facebook, I would write a blog post, I would do anything I possibly could to run away from the work I was supposed to be doing, because it hurt my brain to stay focused on the task. It was painful to me.What ended up happening was I was late giving her the transcript, and it was incomplete. I felt awful. I told as her much. She was upset with me and justifiably [...]
Anxiety is My Professor
If I wasn't anxious, my heart wouldn't race all the time.If I didn't have panic disorder, my natural state would not be fight or flight.I could be one of those people who just gets up in the morning, showers, eats breakfasts and leaves the house.That could happen.If I didn't wake up in a cold sweat feeling like I might be dying, perhaps I'd get more done.The truth is, these things don't happen to me now that I'm taking anti-depressants.In my brain's natural state, my neurotransmitters keep firing and don't know when to stop.The result is that I constant feel threatened.The consequence to this chemical imbalance is that I'm convinced that my death is imminent even though there is no empirical evidence to support this. However, I'm an intelligent college-educated person, so I will come up with "data" that support this by consulting the Internet or reaching into the confines of my brain. I have a lot of knowledge in there. I should be able to diagnose myself. I'm not a doctor, but I know a lot of doctors.There have been many days when I woke up and didn't want to get out of bed.Not because I was tired.But because I [...]
Dear Sallie Mae
Dear Sallie Mae,I would like to thank you for lending me a massive amount of money so that I could get a higher education. I wouldn't trade my time at New York University's Gallatin School for anything. It was an incomparable education where I learned a great deal about Plato, Kant, and Nietzsche. I'm aware that choosing philosophy as a major wasn't going to make me into a business tycoon, but nevertheless I chose to pursue what I had a passion for.Four years passed and I was out of school and ready to find a job. My 20s were a time of exploration. I tried out different jobs including publishing, banking, and teaching just to name a few. It was not an easy time by any means. But, then again, there is a distinct lack of career guidance offered to American high school students and even less vocational advice provided to undergraduate college students.Anyway, now I'm in my 30s and I finally figured out what I want to do with my life. I'm working as a professional writer and raising two children. Now, as you may be aware, writers don't make a lot of money. In fact, many of us [...]
I Was Sexually Harassed at Hunter College
In 2007 I began a counseling degree at Hunter College. I was excited to share my empathy and good listening skills with others. I was quickly accepted into a work study program where I was then placed into a residential treatment facility as a vocational rehabilitation counselor.The facility was well-known and respected in the community of substance abuse treatment. I had a supervisor at Hunter College who monitored my progress at work working with real life addicts who were recovered and looking to re-enter the workforce.At first, things were great. I was wonderful at my job. I got along great with my office mate, Tara (also a Hunter Student) and my clients found my insight into their mental health issues valuable. I loved what I did and coming to work was a joy.Slowly, things started to change. Tara (who was a great support to me) went out on maternity leave. I had my office to myself and my supervisor felt freer to (shall we say) be who he was. He began to make inappropriate comments to me about my wardrobe.One day, I wore a work appropriate dress. He called me into his office."Can I talk to you for a second?" [...]
Rejection
I am a highly sensitive person. I've been like this ever since I was a child. I remember being a little girl in elementary school, probably around six or seven-years-old. If I close my eyes I can go back to that time. Then, I feel it. My throat muscles tighten. There's a lump lodged in my throat.I'm small and I'm trying hard not to let the tears fall out. I want to cry. I can't even remember the reason why I want to cry. It could be because another kid said something mean about me. I am shy. I don't want to reveal my true feelings to anyone. They won't understand me. They won't know what goes on in my head or in my apartment. I won't cry. If I wait long enough the lump will go away. Just breathe little girl. It won't be there forever. Hold on baby. It's going to be okay. I miss my Mommy. She understands me. There's no one in this school who knows who I am inside. I don't wanna be here. I wanna go home. I'm a freak. I'm not like anyone else here. No one will ever treat me with kindness. They'll [...]
How to Use Twitter Effectively
I constantly joke about the fact that for years I thought Twitter was silly and only celebrities used it. After much deliberation, I joined Twitter in 2010. I taught myself how to use it. It wasn't terribly hard. That's the problem I initially had with it in the first place. It seemed overly simple. You just talk to random folks? That's it? What's the point of this thing? After a couple of months, I had the Twitter thing down and I knew how to operate it. I'm here to tell you that Twitter has real value not only for Bloggers, but also for companies and individuals.The main thing you need to realize about Twitter is that it's like a giant party. There are so many folks at this party and you need to sit down, grab a drink and talk to folks that "get you." Some of them will ignore you, and some of them will think you're pretty awesome and want to get to know you better.Here's my short list of things to do on Twitter to use it effectively:1. Follow peopleIt sounds ridiculous, but it's true. When I started using Twitter, I didn't have any followers. So I [...]
Guest Post: If You Give a Dad a Schedule By Jessica Davis
Many of you have read the popular children's book If You Give a Mouse a Cookie which has such poignant lines as "if you give a mouse a cookie, he's going to ask for a glass of milk." The story then unfolds and the mouse becomes more and more annoying and demanding.My dear friend and Blogger Jessica Davis has created a parody of this classic children's tale. It's called: If You Give a Dad a Schedule.I present you with: If You Give a Dad a ScheduleIf you give a dad the scheduleHe'll throw it out the windowWhen he throws it out the window, he'll ignore the basket of clean clothes that needs to be put awayWhen he ignores the basket of clean clothes that needs to be put away…He'll dress the kids in dirty clothes.When he dresses the kids in dirty clothes, he'll shrug and take them outside to play in the mudWhen he takes them outside to play in the mud...They'll start eating the mud.When the kids start eating the mud, he'll realize he hasn't fed them real food yet and they might develop PICA.When he realizes he hasn't fed them read food yet, and they may be developing PICA, [...]
I Use My iPhone to Cope With the Stress of Parenting
I have a confession to make: I use my iPhone to cope with the stress of parenting. I'm not proud of it, I can tell you that much.Here's what usually goes down: one or both of my kids is losing their shit. I attempt to calm them down and soothe whatever their needs happen to be at the time. I try the tried and true list of hungry, angry, lonely or tired. However, none of those things appear to be the problem or if they are the problem my kid(s) don't want to admit that they are. I want to refrain from losing my shit, because I can't control the situation and feel like a parental failure, so I bust out my phone and check Facebook. I take out my iPhone and look at the news. I text a friend of mine "my kid is going nuts and I'm gonna lose it. Arg! Frustration!"I think the reason that I do this (revert to obsessively checking the phone) is that the level of emotional intensity I'm surrounded by is so high that it's extremely uncomfortable. I need to distract myself from this highly charged emotional environment so I disassociate and look at [...]
So You Want to Be a Blogger
"I want to start a blog." Said my friend. Said three of my friends. Said 10 of my friends.I've heard this sentiment many times."How can I do it?"Now, I'm no social media guru, but I do know the things that have worked for me. Here's my short list of helpful tips for those interested in starting a blog.1. Pick a name that represents who you are and what you want to communicate.Don't make it too complicated to remember because most people don't have the attention span for long ass names. My best friend Mint and I chose Old School/New School Mom for me because it represented who I am as a person. But this choice took us over an hour. We hashed out different options and made lists.2. Chose a platformThere are quite a few blogging platform options. WordPress is popular choice because it's pretty and you can custom design your site. For the layman who is just starting out and isn't so tech savvy, I would recommend Blogger. The advantage to using a site like Blogger is that it's connected to Google and you can use your Gmail to log in. If you want to get serious, go with [...]
I Will Not Apologize For Who I Am
I had an epiphany this morning. My entire life I've been overly concerned about what other people think of me. Do they like me? Am I a nice person? Those are the thoughts that continually flow through my mind. It can be overwhelming sometimes to constantly want to be liked and validated by other people.I am, however, reaching a point in my life where I'm beginning to feel differently about myself in relation to other people.There have been many occasions in my 34 years on this planet where I've apologized to people. I often feel like I'm apologizing."I'm sorry your feelings are hurt.""I'm sorry you feel that way.""I'm sorry *insert reason here."However, I'm becoming exhausted from the idea that most things are my fault, because they're actually not. I don't need to apologize for everything.Yes, there are genuine occasions where someone's feelings do get hurt and that warrants an apology. But what about my feelings? I don't want to forgot those too. For years, I've prioritized other people's feelings over my own. I'm done with that.I will apologize for an action I've done that has hurt or angered a person I care about, however, I will not apologize for who [...]
