Women Are Powerful Beyond Expectation
The other day my friend Alex was over helping me hang a 20 X 30 picture frame of my kids on the brick wall of my apartment. As I watched her at work, I said to her "You're like my surrogate man." I said this because I am a newly single mom. I began to laugh a little to myself and then I thought: no. That's not true. And I said it aloud. "Wait, a second. That's not true. Women can be just as handy as men are. Look at you working your magic on that picture frame. " Alex laughed to herself and said: "I was gonna say, when she's old enough," and she pointed to Samara, my daughter, "I'll teach her how to use a power drill." We both laughed. "I would love that. And I bet she'll be really good at it." Though society would have you believe otherwise, single mothers don't need a man. My friend Kristen (also a single mom) told me a story about a proud independent moment she had. She bought a new futon and needed to remove her old one. With no help, she dragged the old futon out of her house, down a flight [...]
Sorry I Was An Insensitive Asshole
Dear many people in my life right now, Sorry I was an insensitive asshole to you. I have been going through a major life transition/life upheaval. This is not an excuse for me being a dick. I was mean to you. The collective "you." You may have felt singled out, or like I was picking on you personally. I didn't mean to do it. It wasnt even about you. I was a monkey flinging my poop at everyone. I don't want to be that monkey. And you certainly don't deserve the collective shit that I threw at you. The truth is, I need to deal with my own emotional stuff. It's not the collective "you's" responsibility to fix me or help me with my life. I got this. I am a strong ass woman. I recognize that all of you have tried to be there for me during this time to the best of your ability. And some of you I have been mean to even though you've been supportive to me. So, in short, I am sorry for my asshole behavior. You're awesome. The collective you is awesome and supportive and amazing and you've been there for me even [...]
Stigma Fighters – Jess D.
Chronic Pain and Depression I was born with a chronic pain bone disorder called Multiple Hereditary Exostoses (MHE). I always struggle to explain this disorder in just a few short sentences. It seems so hard to condense everything I feel on a day to day basis, everything that I’ve been through because of this disorder, into just a few sentences. Basically, I have a genetic mutation that causes my body to produce “extra bones”, only they aren’t actually “extra” bones. They’re more like bone growths. People who have MHE call them bone tumours, growths, or spurs. I have these bone growths all over my body from the collarbone down. I have had 14 surgeries to remove the bone growths that were causing problems. When they get too big, they can cut off nerves and tendons and cause muscle damage. Okay, so I have this bone disorder, and it alone makes my life a little tougher than average because I can’t walk very well or stand very long, and I’m not very strong. I’m also in a lot of pain each day. I don’t know if you know this, but being in constant pain is depressing. Picture a heavy weight constantly [...]
Send Sarah Fader to BlogHer 14
What's up pumpkins? I'm raising money to attend BlogHer 14. This year has been a great year for me. I managed to get on The Huffington Post and I had a post or two go viral. The infamous 3-Year-Olds are Assholes and then there was Stop Calling Assertive Women Bitches . Needless to say it's been a great year. There have been some life challenges, however. I am now a single mom. I'm raising money to attend BlogHer because this is my year to shine. I want to be able to celebrate my success as a Blogger with the rest of the social media community. So please take a moment to click here and donate or share my Indiegogo Fundraising campaign to attend BlogHer 14. With your help I can make it to BlogHer!
Stigma Fighters – Mental Illness Series
In February 2014 I wrote an article for The Huffington Post about living with panic disorder and depression. I wrote it because I wanted to show the world that there are people living with mental illness who are not just homeless or institutionalized. There are those of us who are living within the confines of society. There are teachers, doctors, lawyers, psychologists, actors, writers all living with mental illness. These are the stories that need to be told; the people who seem to be "regular" or "normal" people but are actually hiding a big secret. They are living with an invisible illness. They are struggling to function like the rest of society. I'm using my forum to raise awareness for people (like me) who are seemingly "normal" but actually fighting hard to survive. This series is called Stigma Fighters. If you are living with mental illness and you want to share your story. Please email me the story completely edited 1000 words maximum to sarah@oldschoolnewschoolmom.com Include the story in plain text in the body of the email. No need to attach a Word document or any silliness like that. Write a bio for yourself including your website and attach a headshot. I look forward [...]
Stigma Fighters – Jennifer W.
I’m 31 years-old and I've lived with depression and anxiety since I was about eight. Growing up, I was an only child. I was bullied relentlessly in school, dropped out of high school and got my GED to start college early. I cut and burned myself often as a teen, abusing myself just to feel something less painful than what was going on inside my own head. Luckily, I traded self-harm for tattoos years ago, which has been a far more positive, productive form of release. I love animals, travel, reading, and writing. I have a 10-year-old son whom I cherish above all else. I have dived with sharks, I have given birth without an epidural, and I would do either one again. Mental illness. It's a term we hear in the media cycle daily, but a stigma still hangs around it, not unlike those commercials for antidepressants where a little black rain cloud of despair follows one poor, tragic soul wherever he may go while everyone around him basks in sunlight and general merriment. I can tell you from personal experience, for people who live with mental illness, that stigma is real. I try not to take it personally. I welcome [...]
The Semicolon Project: Survivors of Depression and Self-Harm
There was a time in my life when I didn't want to live anymore. I was incredibly hopeless. I was afraid to wake up in the morning because when I opened my eyes I knew that I would have to face the day. If you haven't struggled with depression, it's hard to understand these feelings. But they are incredibly awful and real. They are debilitating. In addition to having suicidal thoughts, I've also had (in the past) thoughts about cutting myself. I would have those thoughts when I felt hopeless and like my life was not going to get better. It was a manifestation of internalized pain. I would imagine cutting myself so that the pain would go away. I never acted upon thoughts of self-harm. But I have friends who were self-mutilators. The thoughts alone were upsetting to me at the time. I can't even imagine what it must feel like to harm oneself. Today I found out about a brave movement called The Semicolon Project. Participants in this project are drawing tattoos of semicolons on their wrists to raise awareness about depression and self-harm. I am here to tell you that I have lived with depression my entire [...]
Gray
I want to believe that people are black and white. It would be so much easier that way. With the exception of murderers and real criminals, people are not all "bad" or "good." The nature of being human means that we have good days and bad ones. We are inherently changeable. I'm thinking of a particular person in my life right now. It would be convenient to label this person as "bad." But I'm not going to do that to them. Yes, this person hurt me deeply. But they're not a bad person. In fact, they have many good qualities. I don't know how to reconcile the bad with the good. And when I start to combine the two feelings I'm confused and I start to cry. I've been crying a lot lately, as my life is in transition. Someone close to me said "you're in a transitional period in your life." This person is right in a sense. My life is changing in a major way. However, I wouldn't refer to it as a transition. A transition is more like the time between high school classes. This time in my life feels like an upheaval. Everything I once knew [...]
We’re All Crazy
I cannot count the times in my life that someone has called me crazy. There have been incidences where the individual was joking "you're crazy." But there are other incidences where I've been called crazy when the person in question was attempting to insult me. The funny part about this is that we're all a little "crazy." Often when one human being calls another human being "crazy" it's because they don't like how that person is acting. They don't agree with what they're saying. So by that rationale, everyone is crazy. It's all relative. You might appear "crazy" to another person because you disagree with them, and the person on the receiving end of your rant looks crazy to you. Also, the world is a crazy place. So much of what we experience on a day to day basis makes little to no sense. We've established these things so far: Everyone is slightly "crazy" in their own way. The world is crazy. Crazy is a relative word and entirely subjective. These things should make you feel better about yourself when someone calls you crazy. Because it's not just you, you know, they're also crazy. The mailman is probably crazy. I [...]
Don’t Read This! You May Be Offended
Don't read this. You may be offended stop right now! You're still reading. Well, there's something wrong with you. It appears that everything I write on here is loaded and offends someone. I could seriously write about the fact that I hate yellow squash and there would be a person out there in Minnesota who takes offense to that. Now that I mentioned the state of Minnesota, somebody will be offended by that. I already had to delete a blog post today, because guess what? IT OFFENDED SOMEONE. And out of respect for their feelings I took it down. But it was because it was a person whose opinion I value. Anyway, what other offensive things can I talk about. RACISM! I love Black people. I have so many Black friends. I love Indian people. I love Asian people. I love White people. I'm White. I love Jews. I once got my hair done at a Black salon and they did it so well because my hair is close to the texture of Black hair. When I was leaving I told the ladies how much I loved my haircut and style. One woman said: "You know what they say 'once [...]
I Am Ballsy
Thomas Cantley is one of my favorite Canadians. You all know I love Canadians. He's also an amazing person and a testicular cancer survivor. He's an artist, which also makes me love him even more. I've asked him to marry me 50 times and he laughs every single time. After he survived cancer, Thomas felt he was reborn and it was his mission to help others. He created a movement called I Am Ballsy. Thomas encourages survivors of cancer and other brave souls to share their stories on his Facebook page to encourage others who are struggling in life. I've shared my story about living with mental illness on Ballsy. You can read it here. Thomas is featuring a new ballsy person on his Facebook page each day for 365 days. We're over day 100 now and still going strong. You can share your story about being brave or (as Thomas says) "ballsy." Whether you've struggled with cancer, mental illness, substance abuse, domestic violence, or any other life challenge that you're open to sharing, send it over to Thomas to feature on the Ballsy page. Write a 500 word piece on how ballsy you are and email it [...]
To Be Brave You Must Be Afraid First
I'm afraid. I'm often afraid. I live with an anxiety disorder. Sometimes my fears are not based in reality. Sometimes the neurotransmitters in my brain repeatedly fire without my consent or control. However, there are some occasions when my fear is warranted. There are real life events that occur that cause me to be be fearful and justifiably so. I fight fear. I put on my armor and I make a mean face. I tell myself that though internally I'm scared, I can beat this. I am not going to let someone or something (however real and threatening it is) take me down. I am stronger than that someone or something. And the fact that I'm afraid makes me strong. I am aware of my fear (which is real) and I channel it through my body to become pure energy. Now I'm not afraid anymore. I'm electrified with energy and I'm ready to fight. My friend Cheryl told me that I am brave. I'm brave in spite of being scared. I close my eyes and I jump into the water. I don't know how deep it is. I don't even know what color it is. But I'm going in. I'm [...]
Women Can Hit on Men
I have a single friend who is in love with her neighbor. We talk about him often. She tries to think of different ways to approach him and get him to notice her. She wants him to ask her out. To me this is a weird concept. I've never been into traditional gender roles. Whenever I've liked a guy in my 34 years, I've told him as much. Usually, this has a poor effect on men. They get all weird and don't know how to handle an assertive woman. I (on the other hand) don't have time for games. I find them tiresome and I'm bad at the rules. My advice to my friend was this: "Ask the guy out for coffee." I see no problem with a woman hitting on a man. Society has no problem with the opposite. Men are encouraged to tell women that they're attractive and ask them out to dinner or drinks or what have you. However, women are told that they mustn't tell a man that they're interested in him.. Oh no! Don't do that. You'll look crazy and desperate. I'm here to tell you that I don't play by those rules. And you [...]
I’m Being Interviewed for a Mental Illness Documentary
The other day, an NYU film student contacted me via email. She'd seen my Huffington Post article Fighting Against the Stigma of Mental Illness where I revealed the fact that I have been living with panic disorder and depression for my entire life. There was a time, however, where I wasn't vocal about my life with anxiety. I was afraid of what other people would think of me. So I kept it a secret. I finally broke my silence and told my story online and to an International audience to boot. Hello Huffington Post! It was liberating to reveal that I am human. I don't have to hide the fact that I live with and manage anxiety and depression every day. When this lovely woman contacted me and revealed to me that she too manages anxiety, I felt like we were kindred spirits. She asked if she could interview me for this documentary, which I believe is a senior thesis project. One of the main reasons I shared my story about living with mental illness was to help others feel less alone. When you have a psychiatric condition, it can feel isolating. I felt like I was the only person dealing [...]
Many People (Myself Included) Cannot Take a Compliment
I self-identify as a highly sensitive person (HSP) If you know me, you know this is absolutely true. This means that I come across to other people as "intense." If you're my friend, it's because I've chosen to let you into my microcosm. I like you, I trust you, I find you fascinating, I want to hug you and I think you taste like chocolate. I love my friends a lot. Because I love you, I'm going to tell you nice things about yourself. Maybe I'll tell you that you're a great friend. Perhaps I'll let you know that you look hot a particular day. I might let you know that you wrote something that resonated with me. I may compliment your skill or ability to do something that I personally cannot do. You get the point. Some of the people I love love to be complimented. They enjoy this aspect of my personality and have grown to expect me to do it because they know it's a part of who I am. However, recently I've encountered a few of my friends who react strongly to being complimented. Two of my friends actually called me "delusional" for complimenting them. Now [...]