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I'm the sort of person who wears her insecurities on her sleeve. I have attributes that I'm proud of and I have sore spots that I'm happy to share with those I'm close to. Flaws and challenges are what make us fundamentally human. One of my favorite things in relationships is when the other person (this could be a friend or a romantic partner) feels comfortable enough with me to show me their proverbial belly. They're exposing a vulnerable part of themselves and choosing to share it with me. That is a sign of true intimacy when your friend opens the door to their metaphorical closet and lets you inside. I let a friend of mine inside my emotional closet. I was scared to open the door. I knew what was inside. There were boxes filled to the brim with old dusty childhood toys. There were stained sheets and snake skins. There were mysterious animal bones with flesh still on them. There were old photo albums filled with pictures of dead people. I was so scared about what my friend would think. My closet was filthy and scary. But instead of judging me, my friend said: "It's okay. Don't worry. You [...]

CHAPTER ONE My name is Isis Kechet and I’m 15 years-old. My first name is Egyptian and my last name is Hebrew, it means crown. My father died when I was two. I never knew him. I’ve seen pictures but, I don’t know who he really was. He was in the Israeli army. I live with my mother and my baby brother Avi. He’s six months old. Oh, and my step-father John. He’s not Jewish, not that it matters. I… “Put your pencils down for a moment.” Said Ms. Gray. She removed her glasses and peered up the clock. It was 9:15. There was one empty seat at the back of the classroom. All the other desks were filled with sophomore high school students. Ms. Gray was 24 years-old. This was her first English class she’d ever taught, but you would never know it. She’d just completed graduate school, and was eager to impart the knowledge she’d learned as well as to affect and change young lives. She wore a gray knit dress with a brown blazer. “To clarify, this journal entry should be a reflection of who you are. Ultimately these journal entries will be transformed into a creative [...]

Dear Stranger On the Train Who Disciplined My Child,Hi! We've never met before. I was on the 4 train on the way home from Manhattan with my two kids and their best friend. My kids and their friend Jonathan were fighting over the window seat. They all wanted to look out the window into the darkness. I know, it's funny right? Why would you want to look out a dark window? But, you know, kids. They fight over things we don't understand sometimes.Anyhow, you took the time out of your train ride to say:"Ari should give his sister a turn. Not Jonathan."And you didn't say it once. You kept saying it over and over again while shaking your head.I'm not sure why you're telling me this. I'm not entirely sure why you feel it's your responsibility or business to tell me this. I'm also (frankly) not entirely sure of your intention. I could speculate some potential things you may have been thinking: You honestly thought you were helping me with parentingYou thought you knew better than I did You wanted to seem like an authoritative figure to your friend who was with you and to the entire train carYou were annoyed [...]

My life is in the process of a major change right now. The frustrating thing is, I can't talk about why. I'm an open and honest person; honest to a fault. Sometimes I'll actually hold my tongue and not say anything to a person because I know if I say what I'm thinking it will be overly honest and probably alarm them. Back to my life. My life is in flux. It's possible that I won't be able to continue blogging. This makes me incredibly sad. I don't want this to be the end of my life on the Internet. I enjoy sharing my stories. Believe me when I say it's not up to me. I don't want to stop sharing my stories with you. But I've been told by mysterious outside forces (that I can't get into right now) that it may be the best idea to stop sharing my stories online. Writing is my form of therapy. I go to real therapy too, once a week, but this place…this is my place. I don't want to give it up. I know the couches, the crevices, the dark rooms and the light ones. I know this place because it [...]

Dear Person I Offended,You will probably never read this letter, because we are no longer connected through the world of social media. I'm going to say these things anyway because I feel them. I wrote about my past. My past is something that haunts me. I feel things deeply. I use this space to express them. Sometimes they're not pretty things. They are my reality. I told a story: that story involved you. I'm sorry if the way that I told the story offended you.I am hurt by the way that you treated me in the past. I tried to tell you many times, but you ignored my attempts to express my feelings. I honor your feelings. I am willing to hear them, however, you do not feel the same about mine.You called me offensive.You said that I was nasty towards you.I'm sorry you feel that way.I feel badly that my truth and my words impacted you like that.It was not my intention to hurt you.It was my intention to tell my side of a story.I am open to hearing your side.But when you reached out to me to tell me how you felt, I was scared. I freaked out. [...]

Sometimes your kids ask you questions that are completely reasonable bearing in mind that they are (in fact) small humans that are inquisitive and learning about the world. I try my best to be patient with these questions and answer with appropriate responses. But sometimes, the internal monologue in my head is not so nice.Here are some examples of questions my kids have asked me that make my head want to fucking explode.1. "Mommy, what's your name?"All right, I understand you've only been on this planet for three years, but you've known me literally the entire time you've been here. Are you fucking kidding me with this one? It's mommy, okay? Or, if you want to get all technical, it's Sarah. But we've gone over this shit several times.2. "Mommy, he hit me."Yes, my kids fight. Usually I'll tell the one who has been hit to say "I don't like that." or "Please stop." But again, in the confines of my brain what I'm really thinking is "You turn around and tell your brother to stop being an asshole."3. "What's that?"Yes, we love to identify objects in this house. Labeling is how children learn. But I have told you what [...]

I'm a native New Yorker. I was born in 1979 and raised on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. I grew up taking the 1 train at 86th Street. I started religiously riding the train when I was 12-years-old and haven't stopped since.Over the years, the subway has changed a great deal, but there are some annoyances that we come across as New Yorkers that remain timeless. Today, I'd like to address some of the things that make taking the subway…interesting.When I get on the train during rush hour I am praying for a seat. I know this isn't likely, but I'm still hopeful nonetheless. So when I see a man sitting in a yellow seat on the train with his backpack sitting next to him in an adjoining seat, I have feelings of primal rage surge through my body. Your backpack does not need to sit down. Dude, look around for a pregnant woman and give that seat your backpack is in to her.Here's another charming thing I've come across on the train. When the doors open, that's a physical cue for the people on the train to step aside and let the new passengers enter the train. However, [...]

Anyone who knows me can attest to this part of my personality: I compulsively contact people I'm close to. It's annoying, I'm sure, to the people I'm doing it to. It's my way of showing the people that I love that I care about them. Not only do I want them to know that I love them, but I don't want them to forget about me.You might be wondering how this plays out. If I feel close to you, I may text message you periodically throughout the day. It won't be about important life things. It will mostly be silly things that pop into my brain that I just cannot wait to tell you, because I love you and I think you'll appreciate them.Thankfully, I have enough sense to do this to people who get me. If I did this to people who I wasn't close to they would undoubtedly think I was crazy.I've wondered if my compulsive contacting of friends is related to ADHD. I think it might be. It certainly seems to be behavioral in nature.Thank goodness for modern technology though. In the late 1990's and early 2000s this quality of mine was extremely embarrassing because I would [...]

Forgive thyself.For you are all you've got.Sure, you have family and friends.Yes, they love you.But…people are moody. And one day your friend may get mad at you. But, guess what? You're still here.You make mistakes. Sure you do. After all, you're human.You hurt people with your words.You hurt people with your actions.That's okay. We all do it. We're human beings and we are flawed.That's what makes us humans.If we were perfect we'd be mannequins or robots.But even then my friends, even then…there is no perfect.Mannequins are made of plastic and plastic can melt or break.Robots are made of metal and they can malfunction.You sure are lucky to be a human.Even though it's hard sometimes.It feels badly when you hurt another person.It feels awful when you make what your deem to be a "mistake."But in actuality, there are no mistakes.We are here to trip and fall.We are on this planet to skin our proverbial knees.Humans are on this earth to fail and fail and fail until we succeed one day.Our knees may be bloody by then, but nevertheless success has been achieved.I support your failures.They are one step closer to success.I come back to the original concept.Forgive thyself.You're good.You're a good [...]

I awoke suddenly. I shot up in my bed. It was morning. I couldn't be sure of the time. Six, maybe six thirty. I knew it was early. I curled my toes underneath the blanket. I breathed in and out slowly. I watched as my chest rose up and down. I felt the warmth of the down comforter on my body. I was immersed in it. I was in a cocoon.As I put one foot on the floor, the other foot followed. I crept like a cat burglar to the kitchen. Tip toe, tip toe, one foot after the other. I entered the kitchen. I began to salivate. There it was: a black shiny beacon of hope.I spotted it! The refrigerator and (more importantly) the freezer. I opened the freezer and took out the canister of tiny wondrous brown granules. I approached the glistening dark knight of salvation otherwise known as Mr. Coffee. I placed the filter into it's head. I carefully poured the granules into the filter and pressed the glowing blue button.The sounds of hot delicious liquid gold streaming through the filter could be heard from the heavens. As soon as the brown liquid courage was ready to [...]

Sleep. I'm asleep.Deep down dark in dream country.I'm wading through black water, which is quickly becoming thicker.It morphs from water to a pudding-like consistency. I'm trying to walk through it, but I can't move my legs well. I'm stuck.See. Then I see it. It's got green glowing eyes. It's a big black amorphous creature. It's behind me. It wants my blood. It can smell me. I smell like food. It lives in this black water or pudding whatever it is. It's comfortable here. I don't know this place. But I've got to get through. I've got to keep going. I have no choice. If I don't keep moving, this thing will get me.Feel. I can feel my heart racing in my chest. It's trapped in a tiny cage, trying to escape. My heart wants out. But it can't jump.Jump. I'm startled by a sound. I can't tell where it's coming from.Run. I want to run away, but I'm trapped. Trapped in a black gelatinous existence.Trouble. The trouble is, I know it's coming after me.Sweat. I begin to sweat. I can feel the droplets on my face first. Slowly they drip down my forehead onto my neck. I'm breathing heavily and [...]