Self-sabotaging it is an addictive behavior. It’s not like you don’t want to be happy. However, happiness can be scary if you’ve experienced it infrequently and it’s hard to accept that things are going well. If you’re not used to your life going smoothly and you are more accustomed to chaos, things going according to plan can be jarring and terrifying. It’s important to remember that life doesn’t always have to be difficult. We go through challenging times, but it doesn’t need to always be so rocky. There are periods of life that can be pleasant and even joyful. When you get a new job or get married or have a baby, these are happy occasions that we can cherish. It is tempting to sabotage a relationship, for example, if you are used to being in dysfunctional relationships and you’ve entered into a healthy one that brings you love and contentment. That doesn’t mean it’s a healthy choice for your life, just because it’s a familiar one.

When things going well and you’re used to a life filled with pain and struggles, this is an aberration from the norm it can be frightening. If you are used to things going poorly it can be scary for your life to drastically change even if that change is for the better. Change is different and it’s natural reaction to fear the unknown, so don’t be too hard on yourself if you’re afraid because you don’t know what to expect. Think about this: when people go to prison for committing a crime they serve their sentence and sometimes they are released back into society. When this happens they can have a difficult time going back into the world that is beyond the prison gates. It’s not that they like being in prison, but rather they are used to being in a confined setting and it’s hard to assimilate back into society where there is a lot more freedom. So what happens? Sometimes they commit another crime on purpose (self-sabotage) in order to go back to prison, which is a familiar environment where they somehow feel safe.

A similar thing happens with self-sabotage. If you are used to making things fail on purpose because you are afraid of success, then you will continue this pattern. So what is the solution? It is to be aware of what you’re doing and make sure that you understand why you’re doing it. There are many reasons people self-sabotage other than fear of success. It’s about looking inward and asking yourself why is this pattern familiar and what am I doing to contribute it?  Once you have that answer you will begin to change this pattern and start to find the life that you want rather than the one you’ve been settling for. The unknown isn’t necessarily bad, that open door that you’re afraid to walk through could contain a road to a better life. Don’t be afraid to go through it even if you’re uncertain of what you will find.