I blame you for what you did. Whatever it was, you’re wrong. I don’t care if I had a part in it. It’s 100 percent your fault. Despite what anyone including my therapist says, it isn’t in any way whatsoever related to my choices. It was all you; you’re selfish, you’re mean, you held a carrot above my head and pretended it was a salad. It was a disappointing salad because it was just a carrot. Why did you lie to me? You’re a liar. Again, it’s entirely your fault. I did nothing; there are no shades of gray. There is only black and white. Nope, not even two colors. There’s only one color and it’s blue. I refuse to play a role in this situation, this dynamic.
I’m infallible, not capable of doing wrong, majestic, and I sit on my throne with a cheese sandwich. You can’t have any of it. You didn’t share your ice cream sandwich with me, which once again makes you entirely in the wrong. I do everything right. I don’t know if you’re aware but I’m a beautiful person who never gets food stains on her dress and I always brush my teeth. I remember to do everything. I don’t misplace anything or forget appointments or pay bills late ever.
Like I said earlier this is all your fault.
It’s all my fault. I ruined everything. It was so beautiful, and we were happy, and things were fantastic, and then they weren’t that way. There was a salad with ranch dressing, and the carrot wasn’t the only part. But I didn’t see the salad; because I ruined the table. I tripped and accidentally knocked over the condiments. There was ketchup everywhere, and you prepared such a nice dinner. You were clear about the fact that you loved me. I’m a terrible person. I didn’t appreciate the cheese sandwich. You were eating the entire thing, and I didn’t take a picture of you. I should have documented it. You sat on a throne with your piercing green eyes staring into me. You were telepathically saying it was my fault and it is my fault.
You never do anything wrong. You always have the best flannel shirts, the perfect smile, the best laugh, the most lovely way of articulating feelings. And me? I sabotaged the entire thing. It’s me. I never brush my teeth with the right toothpaste. You floss and tell the dentist how great he is. You’re always on time to everything and everyone loves you. Even mean people adore you. It’s all me. I didn’t try. I didn’t do anything right.
I said some things that hurt you.
You said some things that hurt me.
Together we hurt each other.
Even though there is love there.
That’s a part of whatever this is.
We crashed into each other accidentally, and it worked.
For a while.
Until it fell apart.
But we always find a way to put things back together.
Even if they don’t look like they did before.
I’m not giving up.
I believe in you.
And I believe in me.
It’s not fair for you to be the right one or me to be completely correct.
That isn’t how life works.
But we are both stubborn.
So, something or someone has to give.
I won’t give up my part of this rope unless you do too.
So will you?
Meet me halfway.
I’ll be there.
To love you.
