I thought a lot about the post I wrote the other day. I was in an exasperated state. When you have children you try your best to be a good parent. That was a hard day for me. My daughter was throwing a massive tantrum and I just wanted it to end. I also wanted compassion from the people around me in that moment, which is probably unreasonable since the people in the coffee shop were strangers and don’t know me on a personal level.
However, the flack that I got for writing that post was harsh.
- I was told that I had a personality disorder (NPD) and needed therapy.
- I was informed that my card as a feminist should be removed
- I was told that someone was there in the store and that I didn’t discipline my child at all
- I was informed that I am a bad parent
Is this necessary? I don’t feel that my post warranted such harsh criticisms.
I wrote that post in the heat of the moment. I wanted to show that there is a cultural problem. We don’t try to help one another out. When I see someone struggling with New York geography, I try to be kind and give directions. That’s the kind of compassion I’m referring to. It takes just a moment to be kind to a stranger.
On the other hand…in hindsight, I was not kind or compassionate to the people working at this coffee shop. I didn’t consider the fact that they were trying to do their jobs. And they were concerned that this child screaming was disturbing customers. So they did the best they could in that moment by asking me and my family to leave the store. And frankly, it’s unfair (and lacking compassion) for me to fail to see their point of view.
So I do want to apologize for lacking compassion. The woman behind the counter at MILK was doing the best she could in that moment. She wanted to make sure she did her job and I can’t be upset with her about that. It’s not about me. This is about her having integrity. She did the absolute best thing she could in that moment in time. I am deeply and sincerely sorry if I offended you when I wrote that post. However, I did want to show that we need to try to understand one another better.
I love this post. I do think the critics were too harsh, but I am sure the staff was just doing their job.
I did want to say something about people who can’t deal with children acting like children. I was such an obedient child I sat down and was quiet in a burning house on demand (true story), but I was terrified every day. I still dissociate and am hypervigilant and am a bundle of nerves. So, yes, children may be raised differently, and may be seen and heard, but it really is a good change.