I’m taking a prompt from Rachel Thompson and I am writing what scares me.

Confession: I let other what other people think of me determine my worth. If it seems like someone is angry with me or “doesn’t like me” I feel awful inside. I am having a day like that today. Today I am feeling badly about myself because of the way that I believe that other people see me.

I’m trying to search for the parts of myself that I like. But I feel like “a failure,” and “a burden to others,” and “not a great adult,” whatever that means. I’m having a rough self-esteem day. I have been called these things by others.

The first step to healing from these feelings is to recognize that they are not accurate representations of who I am. In reality, I’m not a failure, a “bad adult” or “a burden.” But the feelings surround me like black clouds taunting me.

You can’t do it. They say.

Give up

You can’t keep a full time job

They are pesky mean little trolls that tell me I’m worthless. And these trolls are bouncing around inside my brain. The trolls are laughing at me while they stand above me on a bridge. I’m under the bridge in the water trying to swim to shore. They just laugh and laugh.

The truth is: I can save myself.

I can swim to shore.

I have the tools to tell the trolls to run for the hills.

If I close my eyes and I breathe deeply and summon every ounce of strength that I have, I can fight them.

For now, I’m treading water…

trying to find the energy to keep going.