As a new mother, you don’t sleep much. You’ve got an infant who is always crying because they need something and it’s understandable for you to be exhausted. Having a baby is hard work and you’re up every couple of hours feeding, changing or soothing this little baby. There’s a myth out there that once your baby gets older, you start to sleep more. People need to stop saying this because it’s a lie. You do not get more sleep as your child gets older. That’s just not true at all. My kids are six and nine right now and it’s almost 2 am and look at me! I’m still awake trying to get this blog post done. I’m writing because this is the only “free” time I have. I have to stay up until forever o’clock to get alone time to do my thing. But, in reality, my life is so packed with stuff, that I can barely get an opportunity to pee or eat. Today, I had yogurt, granola and cookie dough for dinner; not all together, the cookie dough was for dessert. I’m not a barbarian, okay? I save the cookie dough for later.
Anyway, I am trying to do so many things and there’s not enough time in the daylight hours to get that shit done. Plus, I have ADHD so I have trouble completing one task at a time. I’m a multitasker but not in a positive way at times. When my hyper-focus ADHD brain starts working, it’s all good. But otherwise, I’m struggling to get only one thing done. So that’s why I’m sitting here, it’s 2:03am now, and I’m writing this thing. I’m writing it because this is the only time people will leave me alone to get anything done at all. I have to pee, but I’m afraid to get up because then I’ll stop writing this and I want to finish what I’m saying so I don’t forget what I wanted to tell you.
It’s hard to have a lot of ideas but no time to execute them. I wish that I could create more time for naps and also other things. So many things! I am often overwhelmed. Sometimes that’s a good kind of overwhelmed and other times it’s a not so great kind of overwhelmed. There are times when I can’t distinguish between the good and bad sort of overwhelmed and I’m convinced that they are blending together to create a hybrid form of overwhelmed-ness. All I know is that I am extremely anxious right now because I want to get everything done before the morning comes and I have to do 600 other things.
Blogging has always been my cathartic form of release and that’s what this was just now. It was me complaining that I have no time to myself. I’m extremely stressed out but just admitting that here, saying it aloud (or typing it or whatever) makes me feel less alone and more heard. What about you? Do you stay up until the late hours of the night/early morning doing things?