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What I Fear

What I fear. It doesn't make sense sometimes. It's like my mind finds the thing that I am terrified of and laughs at me. It taunts me and tells me I am going to die, I hurt someone's feelings, I did something wrong or nobody loves me. These are real legitimate fears, and I don't want [...]

By | 2018-05-18T23:25:29+00:00 May 18th, 2018|Uncategorized|Comments Off on What I Fear

You can’t live in the future when you’re stuck in the past

I'm writing this for you. I've written it and deleted it several times. I'm afraid to say what I want to say. I'm always scared, but I say what I want to say anyway. I'm not frightened of what we are as opposed to what we were. I embrace it. There are wounds, there's messiness, [...]

By | 2018-05-18T01:09:08+00:00 May 18th, 2018|Uncategorized|Comments Off on You can’t live in the future when you’re stuck in the past

I Want to Renew Myself Like a Library Book

I want to renew myself like a library book. I'm tired, I'm not done reading myself, and I definitely need more time. But, I also need some care. My pages are worn and...you know what? This analogy isn't working for me. Let's try another one: I want to publish an updated version of myself, volume [...]

By | 2018-05-10T21:47:23+00:00 May 10th, 2018|Uncategorized|Comments Off on I Want to Renew Myself Like a Library Book

Depression Sucker Punches You

Remember Mike Tyson's Punch Out for Nintendo? There were different opponents to beat. Each boxer was harder to conquer than the next. There was that King Hippo with the big belly. You punched him right in the stomach and defeated him. When I think about depression, and how it comes out of nowhere, I remember [...]

By | 2018-05-04T21:00:39+00:00 May 4th, 2018|Uncategorized|Comments Off on Depression Sucker Punches You

Failing is Succeeding

We all fail. We all stumble, fall on our faces, try hard to do something that explodes in the worst way possible. You might have labeled yourself a "failure" or a "loser." I'm guilty of doing this. Failure can feel intense to me and I adopt it temporarily as part of my identity. It's not that [...]

By | 2018-05-03T23:16:11+00:00 May 3rd, 2018|Uncategorized|Comments Off on Failing is Succeeding

Sharing Secrets about OCD

It takes a while for me to open up; share what's inside of me. I have to feel like I am in safe space, able to be who I am. One of the safest places I can think of is my therapist's office, sitting on her couch. Sometimes it's embarrassing admitting what I'm dealing with, [...]

By | 2018-05-01T22:26:39+00:00 May 1st, 2018|Uncategorized|Comments Off on Sharing Secrets about OCD

I’ll Have a Depression Sandwich Please

Nobody goes to the store and orders a depression sandwich because nobody wants to be depressed. So why would you spend your time standing in line waiting to order something that makes you feel bad? You wouldn't, however, sometimes you don't even realize that you've had a depression sandwich. Did somebody force feed it to [...]

By | 2018-04-29T22:22:13+00:00 April 29th, 2018|Uncategorized|Comments Off on I’ll Have a Depression Sandwich Please