When someone makes you feel invisible it is an awful feeling. I know that feeling well. I want them to see me, but as much as i try to make it happen, they simply cannot. I want them to tell me I’m beautiful but they look right through me. It breaks my heart into thousands of pieces and those shards fall to the floor. Still they cannot see me no matter how broken and hurting I am. I am not a tragedy, I am a person, but that doesn’t matter to them.
You don’t have to accept invisiblity as an identity. You don’t have to stay in that realm forever. Today I felt invisible and it was painful. Today I felt like my feelings didn’t matter and it consumed every single cell in my body. I was boiling with frustration and anger, and I was triggered to the core. Those feelings are real but they don’t have to control me forever.
Unfortunately it’s the people that are closest to us that can have the power to make us feel like we are unseen. When I feel invisible it’s because I am expressing myself and I don’t feel heard. My voice is powerful and I want it to make an impact. I want that person to care. I can’t make them care. I can’t make them see what they do not wish to see.
It’s like I’m talking to a brick wall. The wall has eyes ears and human body but it’s still a wall. maybe it’s my fault. Maybe I’m expecting a wall to be more than it is. It’s about expecting and accepting what people can give you. Still I keep asking for more when the plate is empty. There aren’t even crumbs present.
I know that I’m not actually invisible but right now that’s how I feel. I want my feelings to be heard and validated. And I can’t do that for myself.
Sure I talk about it in therapy; that’s what we do whether it’s with a person or online. It is not enough for me to discuss my feelings candidly with a therapist. I need the people that love me to hear what I’m saying and what I’m feeling and care about those feelings. I want this cloak of invisibility to be gone; I didn’t order it. I know that I am powerful, I know that I am real, I know that my emotions deserve to be seen and heard. But what I don’t know is how to make someone see me.
The louder that I scream the less I am heard. When I am silent I am asked what is wrong. It’s a trap, that question is a word trap. When I say what’s wrong I am told that I am exaggerating. I am told that I am being dramatic, but I’m not. I am expressing how I feel and those emotions are strong.
Have you ever felt invisible? Have you ever felt like the person you wanted to see you doesn’t see you? Please tell me I’m not alone.