I consider myself a sensitive person. Although, I keep a lot of my sensitivity on the inside. Something someone says will offend me and often, I don’t say anything. After years of therapy, I’ve learned to express my emotions better. The trouble is, it takes me an extremely long time to get the chutzpah to say what’s on my mind.
I suppose the reason that I’m afraid to say how I feel, is because I’ve been burned in the past. I’ve told people how I felt, and they haven’t been receptive to it. I guess the trick is to have conviction in myself. Regardless of how the other person reacts, I know what I feel, and what I think, and that’s what matters. Easier said than done. I think I might need to get back in therapy to work on that one.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my sensitivity when it comes to my kids. I want them to be able to express themselves without fear. I want them to have confidence in their beliefs, in their feelings so that they aren’t plagued by displaced emotions.
But if they see their mother bottling her feelings up, will they model after her? It’s not that I want to conceal my emotions, it’s just that I’m so used to doing so. Think about biting your nails, it’s a bad habit that’s hard to break.
Then again, kids sometimes rebel against their parents. Maybe my repressed emotions will inspire them to be blunt. That would be hilarious. I can see it now. I’m running into the bathroom to cry, and they’re spouting truths to each other.
I’ve resolved to try to say how I feel more often, regardless of the consequences. It’s a very scary concept to me, but I feel it’s important for my children to see me express myself.
How about you? Do you bottle it up, or let it rip? What say you?