I was not looking forward to today. Today I had to visit a colo-rectal specialist to look at my hemorrhoids that I’ve had since I was pregnant. Thankfully, Ari’s Uncle Mike offered to babysit while I went to the doctor.

So there I am, sitting in the doctor’s office, waiting for the doctor to examine my roids, when I receive the following picture text message from Uncle Mike:

The message was accompanied with the following text:

“Hi, I just hitched a ride and jumped out of Ari’s bag! Can you see me? I’m a squeek-squeek!

Yes, you read correctly, a mouse was hiding in my son’s diaper bag.

So I began to obsess over this rodent while sitting in the butt doctor waiting room, because (frankly) I had nothing else to do. Here were my stream of thoughts:

Where did the mouse come from?
My apartment?
Mike and Mint’s apartment?
My mom’s car (which I drove to the doctor’s appointment)?
Are there more mice hiding in the diaper bag?
Are there more mice hiding in my apartment?

And my mind kept going and going.

I finally got to into see the doctor, and while he was examining my roids I tried to make conversation with him about…well…anything. I needed to distract myself from this intimate exam.

Apparently, he lives in Long Island (Nassau County to be exact) and he dislikes transferring at Jamaica on the LIRR so he prefers to drive to work. Also, he says, if he lived in Mannahasset, he wouldn’t need to transfer at Jamaica.

But I digress. He explained that my hemorrhoids were mild enough, except for one “dominant one” which he said could be removed using a “rubber band procedure.” I was so baffled by this explanation that I didn’t care to ask more about it, but instead I made another appointment for three weeks later to get rid of my dominant or “alpha-hemorrhoid.”

I arrived back at Mint and Mike’s house. Mike had (after some effort) trapped the mouse successfully in a stock pot.

He said the most humane thing we could do was to set the little guy free in Riverside Park.

So we did! Take a look: