I ordered sushi for lunch today. I was too tired to make anything and I wanted to treat myself because I deserve it. When it arrived it had two kinds of rolls, one of them was an Alaska Roll and the other one was something that I didn’t recognize. Apparently I had ordered this kind of roll before because I clicked “re-order” on my delivery dot com order. I started to eat my lunch and I thought
I’ll try this mystery roll because it’s here anyway.
As soon as I bit into the roll I thought:
I hate this. It’s gross.
Then I thought:
I should eat it because I paid for it.
I sat with that for a moment and then I was interrupted by my mind, which said:
Fuck that! I don’t have to eat that shit. It’s gross and I don’t like it and just because I paid for it doesn’t mean I have to sacrifice my taste buds and happiness to eat some shit that I find reprehensible.
Then I realized something deeper about this encounter. I do this in my life frequently. I feel as if I should do something. I should sacrifice my own happiness for the sake of another person. That person is hurting and I should stop my own feelings and thoughts so that they can feel better.
Just like I have the right NOT to eat that disgusting maki roll, I have the right to express myself. I have the right to make my needs known and to ask for what I want. What I want matters. What I feel is valid and true. My feelings, wants and needs can co-exist with another person’s wants and needs. I have the right to be angry. I have the right to be disappointed when things don’t work out like I thought they would. I have the emotional right to say “hey, you hurt me.” I can say those words if I feel them. I’m tired of eating my feelings because someone else MIGHT be offended by my words. If they don’t like what I have to say, that is their right. I still have the right to say the thing that I feel and I will say it.
If you out there right now thinking that your feelings don’t have a right to exist – STOP THAT IMMEDIATELY.
Feel your feelings.
Speak your truth.
And for fuck’s sake put the sushi down if it’s gross.