Okay relax. This is not going to be a sappy post about how we should all hold hands and love each other. Are you relieved? Fabulous.
I had a nightmare. It ended with me waking up and thinking:
“I love Ari MORE than I love Wil.”
My heart was racing, my whole body was sweating, and I felt awful.
I couldn’t understand this feeling. It traumatized me. I love Wil. He’s my partner in crime, my “one day husband.” I love him to death. Did I mention “love?”
But the love I feel for Ari is different. I created him. He lived inside my body for nearly a year. It is a deep love that is unexplainable. Intangible. A terrifying love. A love where I couldn’t handle it if anything happened to him.
A love that scares me to my core. I explained this disturbing feeling to my friend, Nora. She said:
“Welcome to Motherhood.”
I’m scared. Shaken. I feel the need to protect Ari from the world with my love. But I want him to experience it too. It’s a conflict.
Do you feel this way about your children?