There was a time in my life when I didn’t want to live anymore. I was incredibly hopeless. I was afraid to wake up in the morning because when I opened my eyes I knew that I would have to face the day. If you haven’t struggled with depression, it’s hard to understand these feelings. But they are incredibly awful and real. They are debilitating.
In addition to having suicidal thoughts, I’ve also had (in the past) thoughts about cutting myself. I would have those thoughts when I felt hopeless and like my life was not going to get better. It was a manifestation of internalized pain. I would imagine cutting myself so that the pain would go away.
I never acted upon thoughts of self-harm. But I have friends who were self-mutilators. The thoughts alone were upsetting to me at the time. I can’t even imagine what it must feel like to harm oneself.
Today I found out about a brave movement called The Semicolon Project. Participants in this project are drawing tattoos of semicolons on their wrists to raise awareness about depression and self-harm.
I am here to tell you that I have lived with depression my entire life.
You are not alone. If you are scared to wake up in the morning, I have been there. If you’re afraid of the thoughts in your head, I was too once. You can make it through this. I did. I survived. You can too. You’re a good person, even if your brain tells you otherwise. Do not stop fighting. You are strong. I am with you. I am you.
So much love.