I thought anger was bad
I used to view anger as a negative emotion. I saw people who were angry as dangerous, volatile, capable of breaking things or hurting others. I didn’t want anything to do with those feelings. I was a good girl; smiling, making everyone feel better. I learned that it’s not healthy to suppress anger. When you try to ignore anger, it often transforms into depression, at least it did for me.
Being angry felt unpleasant because I saw people who weren’t capable of managing their feelings when it came to anger. When it crept up on me as fresh ration, and that evolves into a rage, I wanted it to go away. I remember crying on my bed in the fetal position wishing I wasn’t mad; I was frustrated with myself because I was angry and I didn’t think I had a right to my feelings.
Fighting
There were times when my parents fought, and I was scared they were going to get divorced. They didn’t, but hearing yelling isn’t fun as a kid. Everyone fights and all people get upset with each other.
Anger (thankfully) is different than sarcasm. Here’s a funny story about my dad: one time a light bulb burnt out and he was like “Great! Just great.” And I said, “That’s not great.” And he said, “That’s called sarcasm.” And that’s how I learned what sarcasm was.
That was a theme in my life for a long time. I didn’t feel like my feelings were valid or that I had a right to them. It’s frustrating because being angry is a part of life and we don’t have to feel sorry about it. And I did feel sorry about it. I felt guilty because I wasn’t allowed to be mad. I was doing something that was betraying my family. And it was against the way that I was “supposed to be. “
Anger isn’t sexy
Anger isn’t cute, it’s not funny, and it isn’t sexy. When I was in school, I was always amusing rather than the pretty girl. Kids that got angry were strange, people stared at them. They were weird and I never wanted to be strange. But I believed I was a freak already, so I avoided getting angry at my friends and if I felt anger I suppressed it or repressed it which then resulted in me having stomach problems. I learned that feeling angry was necessary. Acknowledging the rage was the first step. But now I have trouble managing it.
Sometimes I let it sit until it simmers and boils like a pot of rice. And I’ve learned that I can’t do that because when you allow anger stay in you for a long time, it doesn’t know what to do with itself. I don’t want to take out my anger on others. I don’t want my partner to think that I am mad at him when I am just mad.
The term anger management seems cheesy, but I think it’s necessary for people to learn to modulate their feelings and especially anger. Anger doesn’t necessarily need to be wrong it can be productive. And I’m learning that it’s not scary, it’s a signal.
What is anger telling me?
Anger is a messenger. I’ve learned to reframe it and view it as that. It’s not harmful, it’s telling me something I need to hear. Sometimes it’s silent, creepy, rising slowly urging me to speak, scream or fight. I’m angry at this moment, and I can’t do anything about that feeling. There’s a person who believes I have evil intentions. I hate feeling bad about myself. It makes me angry that someone has the power to make me feel negative about who I am as a person. I’m, so I’m writing about it here. And that’s what you can do too. Don’t let your anger fester but instead let it out, sing it, shout it out and write it. Whatever you need to do to get your rage out in a productive way, you do that. I’ll be belting Rage Against The Machine and NIN in my car to support you.
