People Ask Me For Advice And Sometimes Get Mad
My friends often asked me for advice because I care, I meant an empathetic individual, and I want to help them I genuinely want to see them do well. However sometimes when I give them my advice, they get angry. I am compassionate in the way that I deliver it however occasionally if I see somebody engaging in self-destructive behavior I’m not shy to let them know what I believe that that is. I’m not one of those people that gets upset if somebody doesn’t take my advice. However, I don’t understand people getting upset with me for giving information. It comes from a good place, and everyone is entitled to do what works for them because what works for me might not work for them
Being a “good friend.”
I want to be a good friend, and I want to show them that I care, and part of that is listening to their problems and giving them the advice that I think will help them in the situation they’re experiencing that is causing them to feel the stress. Listening is incredibly valuable. You would be surprised at how much people want others to hear their feelings. it’s not about the advice necessarily as much is understanding what’s going on with your friend and then letting them know that you care. I’ve gotten the situations where I thought somebody wanted advice but they just wanted to vent. It’s a difficult thing to navigate and understand.
Complaining
I love complaining perhaps this is part of my Jewish heritage, but there’s something about it that is cathartic. I enjoy letting it all out and helping people when they need to let out their feelings. But sometimes it frustrates me when people complain about the same theme over and over again. It’s frustrating because I want to help them come to a solution, but I’ve learned that telling somebody what to do isn’t what they need sometimes. I learned to back off when the person tells me they don’t want my advice. Now I sometimes preemptively ask them “would you like my advice or are you venting?” Asking a direct question is better than assuming what the person needs and wants from you. I’m a proactive individual and I want to fix people’s problems for them. However, it’s not my responsibility to rescue those that I love. I can help them, but they’re the ones that can save themselves
I’m not a therapist
I am not my friends’ therapist or counselor. If they want to see a counselor they can do that whether they see somebody in their area or do online counseling. But I am not their mental health professional, so I’m not going to act like I am. I need to stop doing that because it’s hard since I have a clinical background and I want to help them feel better and I have the tools to do so but acting like their therapist isn’t being their friend. It’s a challenge for me because I am incredibly in tune with my emotions and the emotions of others but my friends are not my clients, and I need to accept that. It’s especially hard when I’m talking to a friend who is considering getting divorced. The last thing you want to do is encourage your friend to leave their marriage. They need to come to that decision on their own. If they feel like you convinced them to leave they will inevitably resent you. Let’s people come to their own conclusions about whether to stay or go.
Do you like when people give you advice?
For the most part, I like when people give me advice because I often don’t know what to do in conflict situations especially when there’s a conflict between another friend that I can’t seem to resolve and me. Getting advice helped me work through it and it feels like I’m less alone. What about you do you like getting advice from friends? Or do you feel like you can work it out by yourself or with your therapist?
