I was emotionally abused. It is difficult for me to admit that because it has a judgmental tone on my relationship, which I don’t think is entirely fair to the person I was with. No relationships are black and white. Even if you are with a sociopath, they are still a human being. They might have a deficency in their personalities and not care about being loved. However they are still people who we can feel empathy or compassion for. I was not in a relationship witn a sociopath. This mad had problems just like we all have. However, I don’t think it’s appropriate to diagnose him here or with friends casually. I’m not his psychiatrist or therapist.

I don’t feel comfortable talking about who was abused me. I still love that person and I will always love him. I still have contact with him. If you think you know who it was, you are wrong. Please do not ask me who hurt me. I will not tell you. I feel shame admitting my abuse, but I want others to feel like they can admit they were abused. I don’t want to perpetuate the fact that being abused is morally acceptable or the fact that domestic violence is a behaior that I condone.

Many people didn’t believe I was abused

Emotional and verbal is often invisible. I couldn’t communicate my abuse to many of my friends. I tried to, but many people couldn’t understand or actually did not believe me, which hurt me and made me feel hopeless. I often isolated from my friends and didn’t talk about my pain.

Abuse is wrong

It isn’t right to abuse another person. When my partner attacked me or called me crazy, I did fight back. I called him names and I’m not proud of my behavior. He told me that I was abusive and I don’t believe that I was. I fought back and defended myself against a partner who was harming me. Verbal abuse is not fabricated or imaginary. It is something that all genders experience and we need to believe victims if they want to identify it as victims or survivors.

If a friend or family member comes to you and confides that their partner is abusive, even if the person is married this can happen, your loved one has no incentive for doing this. They’re not looking for attention, they’re not looking for you to complement them and make them feel better about themselves. They want somebody to be there for them, maybe to hold them, maybe to make them feel like it’s OK, like it’s going to be fine. And there are organizations that can help you if you need help.

When I worked in vocational rehab for the government there are a number of fantastic nonprofits and organizations that help people who are victims of domestic violence including emotional and verbal abuse. One of those organizations is Safe Horizon. When I have people reach out  to me through my blog on my website and tell me that they also are dealing with abuse I let them know that they can get help. The tricky thing about being in an abusive relationship is getting out of it. You don’t think you can most of the time and you can.

I have hope for you. I believe in you. If you are in a physically abusive relationship or an emotionally abusive one you can leave that person. If you want to reach out to me and asked me some questions you’re welcome to do that. And I will keep your information confidential. I am not a clinician, I am a person who went through what you’re dealing with and I have complete confidencec that you will get better. You can get the therapy you need. Whether that’s an online therapist or somebody you see in an office it doesn’t matter. Get help now. That’s what I can tell you, the best advice I can give you; get the guidance you need it from somebody who understand abuse.

If you are experiencing abuse whether it’s physical, verbal, sexual or emotional you can get help. Safe Horizon can assist you and it is anonymous.