I’m having a panic attack and it’s OK if you don’t get it. I used to care whether you got it or not but now I don’t mind either way. This is my panic attack and I own it. I didn’t necessarily buy it from the panic attack dealer but here it is! It was delivered to me without warning and I have to deal with it. I don’t need you to fix it I just need you to understand that I can’t talk to you right now because I can’t breathe. I’m not exaggerating or being dramatic when I say: I literally cannot talk to you. I am focusing on what is around me and practicing mindfulness so that I don’t pass out.
I am being triggered by emotional abuse in my past and I need to deal with those issues so that I don’t feel worse later. At this moment I feel like I can’t breathe. I have to deal with that before we can continue to talk to each other. At this second, right now, I’m working through that. It’s not your problem or your responsibility to fix me. I am trying my best to work it out and I can’t predict how long that’s going to take. Panic attacks aren’t like high school periods. The bell doesn’t ring and I don’t get dismissed at a certain time from anxiety. I wish it were like that but it’s not.
Please be patient as I go through this panic attack which I do not have control over to a certain extent because my brain is bugging out. I don’t even know the chemicals that are present in it or what’s happening because I’m not a neuroscientist, but I do know that I don’t have control over my brain chemistry.
The point is I don’t need you to understand my panic attack as I did before. I wanted validation and I wanted you to get it. But you’re not going to get it and I don’t need to justify my behavior to you. If you don’t think anxiety is real then you don’t think anxiety is real. But I’m not going to sit here and trying to convince you that because I have to focus on trying to survive.
Panic disorder is so real. Panic attacks are extremely painful and so difficult to manage but they can be dealt with if you know what techniques to use. I’ve learned the techniques and I know what I’m doing. I wish that everybody in the world believe that anxiety was not dramatic and it was a medical condition, but they don’t.
People out there who know anxiety will believe me. Other people who don’t understand how debilitating it can be might not believe me but that’s OK. It doesn’t make my feelings less real that you don’t understand what I’m going through.
I will continue to live my truth and experience anxiety. I’ll manage it the best that I can without your understanding because I don’t need it anymore.
