When I moved to Portland I felt alone. It was hard being here without my parents and my close friends. For the first two months I was here I cried a lot. I called my one of my best friends in NY crying, telling her I wanted to come home, that I made a mistake. The truth is I was scared. I was terrified that I couldn’t do it, that my impulsivity would fail me. I didn’t know how I was going to make it work.I called my childhood best friend/sister and said “The thought of giving up and going back to New York feels like a relief. Is that bad?” She said she completely understood.
After I called my friends and family crying every day for a while, they began to get frustrated. My best friend said “I love you but you need to do this on your own. I am here to support you, but don’t be afraid to be independent.” She was right. I was mad at her at first but she was being a good friend. I felt like I didn’t have the skill set to be here, make money, care for my kids and manage the fort. I had never had the opportunity to show that I could do that and now I put myself in a situation where I was forced to do it. And it was thrilling and terrifying. I had to find a job and figure out lots of things.
I have three anxiety disorders. Naturally moving triggered my anxiety. Anxiety is awesome like that and comes out when you need it the most! When I moved here I was depressed and anxious. I had to find a new therapist, psychiatrist and all new providers. But, I did it. By September I had a therapist and by October I had a psychiatrist. I did that. It made me feel so empowered. I love Portland now. There are things that I miss about New York. I miss the bluntness, the corner stores, the people. I miss being able to find anything you want at any hour of the day, but you can pretty much do that with Amazon Prime NOW. That wasn’t an ad. I actually just like them.
So, I was able to work through my loneliness and make a life for myself here. I am slowly doing it. It is just taking some time. I am being patient. I have some childhood friends out here actually! They moved from NYC to Portland! And I made a mom friend all because of Samara. On the first day of school, she came home and said “I made a new friend,” and I said, “what’s her name?” She replied, “I don’t know.” I laughed. We figured out who her new friend was and I stopped her new friend’s mom in front of the school and asked if she would like to have a playdate. She said yes! She is now also my good friend (clearly Samara has good taste in people) and now I have two great friends named Amanda.
Slowly I am feeling less and less lonely. It’s almost Thanksgiving and my parents are here! So that helps too. If you’ve just moved to a new town, I hope you meet some friends soon. Loneliness can feel extremely hard, but I got through it and you can too.