I recently moved from Brooklyn to Portland, Oregon and the transition has been challenging. I’ve been avoiding talking about it because I was afraid to confront the issues associated with the move. I considered finding an online therapist, but ultimately I decided to find someone I could see locally here in Portland. It’s helpful to discuss the things I’m going through, but it’s still challenging. I left a lot of myself back in New York and I’m trying to figure out what pieces I have left here. I’m still who I am, but I feel like I’m becoming a new version of me. Moving here has shown me that I can be independent, though it terrifies me at the same time. I want to do it “on my own” and I know I can, but I also know that it’s okay to ask for help when I need it. It’s just a matter of building that support system here in Oregon.

I’m trying to be patient with myself, but I’m finding that hard. I want to have a flourishing life here now, and the reality is that building a new home base takes time. Every morning I wake up and think about something I can do to help myself. It could be something as small as calling a friend to talk. I’ve found that walking is a way to clear my head. There are so many parks here! The hard thing is not having a car. Portland has a great transit system and I┬álove riding The MAX, but there are some places that you need a car to get to. I can take the train and the bus to Trader Joe’s but it’s kind of a pain in the ass.

I can’t afford a car right now, and I’ve accepted that even though I don’t like it. I do have friends with cars though. Eventually, when I’m making more money my goal is to buy a used car. For now, I’ll learn to love the train. I’ll never love the bus though, no matter how much you ask me to. I’m not sorry about that either. The bus is not my friend and I hate waiting for it. Standing there waiting for the bus to come makes me feel like I’m wasting my time on earth. It’s not the bus’ fault, but I still resent it.

I have a variety of emotions throughout the day ranging from homesick to sad to happy to angry to confused. Is confused an emotion? I don’t think it is. But I do feel confused often. It’s a thing that happens to me. Anyway, one of the challenges I face is sitting with these emotions and not fighting them. I’m actively working on this in therapy. The truth is that you take yourself wherever you go. The problems will remain the same because you are who you are. I am who I am and I’m learning to love and appreciate that person here in Portland.