I have too many feelings. I want to give them to the feelings store. Do you know if the feelings store takes donations? I’m depressed, I’m angry, I’m resentful, I’m frustrated, and a whole bunch of other shit that I can’t remember. That’s the thing, I can’t actually remember a lot of things including how I’m actually feeling. I do know that I have a lot of feelings that I don’t want and I’m searching for a feelings store that I can donate them to. I’m sure there are people who have few feelings due to a feelings deficiency and they could use some extra ones. There are some of us that have a plethora of feelings, and we can donate them to those individuals. It’s important to charitably give things to others in need. Think of the people who want some extra emotions. Perhaps they have repressed their own feelings and they’re looking to feel things on a deeper level.

Unfortunately, there isn’t a feelings store. I know right? I’ve been walking down the street trying to find out, and every time I ask anyone they tell me they’ve never heard of one or worse, they laugh. Dude, it’s not a joke, I hate my feelings right now and I don’t want them. To be fair, I don’t have a receipt for them, because I didn’t buy them. So that kind of sucks balls. But, there has to be a place that I can return them. I can try Target maybe. I’ve never seen a feelings section at Target. I can always find someone in a red shirt and khakis and ask them if they have a feelings¬†section.

It doesn’t hurt to ask right? Stores are constantly adding new sections to them. I’m not sure how long the dollar bins have been there, but there was a day that they were new.

When the feelings section is added to Target, I will be the first to offer them depression, anger, and frustration. I have way too much of those three and I know someone can use them in a productive way. Sometimes anger can be used as extra energy. There’s someone out there who has difficulty getting angry, and I’m ready to unload my extra angry feelings. It’s a match made in heaven. Let’s think about this for a second: how many people out there have a hard time feeling anger? So many of them! I would be doing (as they say in Judaism) a mitzvah. Giving my extra anger to someone who has trouble getting mad is a good thing. What happens to people when they can’t express anger is not fun. They become resentful and sad and I don’t wish that upon anyone.

Extra anger is to be shared, not hidden in a box in the basement. Believe me, I live in the basement right now, and I can’t find a space to store my excess anger. I’ve got too many things I need to get rid of already.

If you’re out there thinking about opening a feelings shop, please be in touch. I have a shitload of feelings to sell you.