I have three cats. I love them dearly. I’ve had two of them since they were kittens. Now that they adult felines, I love spending time with them, because they sleep for over 18 plus hours a day. On the rare occasion when I get to take a nap, they’re ready to join me.

When they were kittens, things were a little different around here.

I’ll set the scene for you- it’s 3am…I hear some rustling in the bathroom followed by meowing. I don’t know what the fuck is going on, but I want to be asleep. I go into the bathroom to find this:


He picked crazy o’clock in the morning to attack the toilet paper, which was clearly posing a serious threat to our household.

Kittens have no boundaries. They’ll jump on your face while you’re sound asleep, attack your eyeball and then be mystified when you don’t want to play with them. Can you imagine if I did that to you while you were sleeping? You would never invite me over again.

Kittens are fucking selfish. Anything you open in the kitchen might be for them. So they stand there just in case you could possibly be getting ready to feed them.

Are you kidding me, kitty? These tortilla chips do not remotely resemble chicken. Back off, okay?

Kittens are slobs. They poop and don’t even bother to cover it. Talk about lazy and ungrateful.

Thankfully, my cats are no longer narcissistic babies otherwise known as kittens. They are kind and loving citizens who cover their own poop. If you’re dealing with a kitten right now, I’m sorry your couch has been torn up and you haven’t slept for days. It’ll get better, I promise.