I Don’t Know How to Keep My Mouth Shut – Three-Year-Olds Are Assholes #3yearoldsareassholes

In February 2014, my three-year-old daughter pushed me to the brink of parenting insanity. After she had spilled the 20th cup of orange juice on the floor, and ripped up my student loan bill I was ready to rip my own face off. Thankfully, I still have a face. But, I needed to vent about how incredibly frustrating parenting day. I had an idea for an article, but before writing it, I consulted my people on Facebook. Should I write this incredibly controversial article? I asked. My friend Patrick replied instantly “Yes! Controversy equals boku hits!” So I did it. I was fucking terrified when  I wrote a post for HuffPost Parents called “3-Year-Olds Are A**holes.”

And then…

just like that, the post went viral with over 400,000 shares on Facebook.

And then I was on HuffPost Live!

WAIT, here’s the best part…I wrote a book called…Three-Year-Olds Are A**holes. 

Then a crazy thing happened. Another book came out called Toddlers Are A**holes.

And people kept asking me if that was my book. I said “No, but that sentiment is true. You should buy that book too.”

And then another person wrote a post on Scary Mommy called “She’s Not an Asshole, She’s Just a Three-Year-Old.”  And I totally agree with that one too. But the thing is I also wrote this article called Three-Year-Olds Are Aholes and they totally are…aholes

When I wrote the article, the Internet was very angry. There wasn’t a trend of “let’s admit parenting is fucking hard and vent about it.” I had people sending me hate mail and shit. So let’s not forget that I did write this a long time ago and you should totally read my article and the book because they are both very funny, like me. I’m also very funny.

And then, the best thing happened today! I tweeted about my book that I totally wrote and this amazing woman said:

And I said, not that’s not my book, this is my book and sent her the link. She then said:

I smiled so wide and I felt so awesome, because she remembered the craziness that ensued after I wrote that article. She was there fighting the people who were calling me a terrible parent. Jen, you fucking made my day. Seriously, I love you. She admitted that she had kind of shitty day, and that this exchange cheered her up. I went on to say:

So this goes out to you Jen. You were defending me against the army of trolls when I wrote Three-Year-Olds Are A**holes. And for that I am eternally grateful.