Turn it Up

I turn the music up so I can feel something

anything

but I can’t feel a thing

The bass is pumping through my skin

I want so badly to feel something

nothing

I turn it up

louder

nothing

The pasty taste in my mouth distracts me from the fact that I still can’t feel anything

There’s nothing there to feel

I’m probably thirsty

Maybe that’s it

I take a drink of water

I still can’t feel anything

except the tightness is my stomach

I’m tense because I can’t feel a damn thing

I smile faintly at the thought that not feeling causes me to feel something

I start the song over and turn the volume up

Maybe this time it will work

I can hear the click clack of the keys on the keyboard

Is anyone home in my brain?

I know my body’s there but, I feel nothing.

Turn it up

Louder

I want to feel something

anything.