My life is in the process of a major change right now. The frustrating thing is, I can’t talk about why. I’m an open and honest person; honest to a fault. Sometimes I’ll actually hold my tongue and not say anything to a person because I know if I say what I’m thinking it will be overly honest and probably alarm them.
Changes – I May Have to Say Goodbye to Online
Back to my life. My life is in flux. It’s possible that I won’t be able to continue blogging. This makes me incredibly sad. I don’t want this to be the end of my life on the Internet. I enjoy sharing my stories. Believe me when I say it’s not up to me. I don’t want to stop sharing my stories with you. But I’ve been told by mysterious outside forces (that I can’t get into right now) that it may be the best idea to stop sharing my stories online.
Writing is my form of therapy. I go to real therapy too, once a week, but this place…this is my place. I don’t want to give it up. I know the couches, the crevices, the dark rooms and the light ones. I know this place because it is my home. I’ve lived here since 2009. When I moved in it had no furniture, but I built it all. I gathered the wood and I made benches and a bed to sleep in. I painted the walls and put pictures on them. Slowly but surely this blog began to feel like me. It began to be my real home on online.
I love it here. Sometimes, I laugh a lot here. Those are fun days in the house. And sometimes I cry and let it all out. Other times I scream into a pillow to express frustration, and then there are days that I don’t know what to say so I write posts like these.
This is a different kind of post. An outside force is attempting to silence my voice. And I don’t know if i have the capability to stop that voice. I don’t know if I have the armor to put on and fight it. I’m a fighter for sure. I’ve fought against many unjust causes in my 34 years on this earth. But, I don’t know how to take this one on.
I’m not being dramatic here. I’m not writing this so you can tell me how wonderful I am. I am writing this because I honestly feel like my life online might be coming to a close and I’m saddened about it.
Maybe it won’t. Maybe I’ll figure out a way around this.
So if I abruptly disappear from the Internet, I love you guys. I’ll keep writing always, it’ll just be privately. I hope none of this happens.