I was supposed to substitute teach two days next week. I prepared myself for it mentally and physically. I pumped enough milk for both days in advance and froze it. But as it came closer to return to work date, I started to panic. I wasn’t ready. It was the same panic I experienced when I tried to return to work when Ari was three months old. I looked at Samara and she looked so little to me. I don’t feel ready to leave her for an entire day.

I just couldn’t do it. I contacted the school and told them that I wasn’t ready.

I’m not ready, and I’m okay with that.