Maybe it was the burger and fries I ate from Five Guys yesterday, but my stomach was just not okay. I was visiting the bathroom way too frequently. I called my doctor and he told me to go straight to the emergency room to get IV fluids.

I feel like a frequent flyer at the emergency room, I should really start to get cash back, or something, for the amount of times I’ve been to the ER, especially in the last two years. For example this time or this time or perhaps this time.

Anyway, there I was again. I was so tired that I barely complained when I had to wait five hours just to be seen. Fortunately for me, I took my Jewish mother with me who was full of energy to advocate and complain for me.

“My daughter has been waiting five hours, and she’s pregnant! This is ridiculous! She just needs some fluids for G-d’s sake!”

I finally got a bed, and all at once a fantastically hot doctor arrived to treat me.
“How are you feeling?” He asked
“Um…like crap.” I said.
“That’s a fair and honest answer.” He replied. “We’re going to get you feeling better, okay?”
I nodded faintly. I told him about my symptoms and he took note of all of them.
“I have a two year old at home, and my midwife said that this could be a rotavirus transmitted from him? What do you think?”
“Sure,” he said “That sounds about right.”
“Um…” I paused. “What is a rotavirus?”
“Well,” he began “It’s essentially poop poisoning.”
He went on to say that rotavirus is very common, it’s the most common cause of diarrhea in babies and toddlers. It’s transmittable to adults as well. Especially when you are changing an abundance of diapers, which I am. And it doesn’t matter how obsessively you wash your hands afterwards (which I do) you can still get it. In fact, the hot doctor had an 18 month old daughter, and he’s been infected twice already.

The most unpleasant part of the visit was when the hot doctor and his female assistant resident had to stick their fingers up my butt and do a pelvic exam. During both of these fun-filled procedures I had to pee so badly. I warned the hot doctor that I might pee on him. He said that was okay.

After we “got to know each other” they did a sonogram and I got to see my baby again. I asked the hot doctor if he knew whether it was a boy or a girl. He said that the baby was hiding, and plus I should save that question for the “fancy ultrasound technicians” who
“really know what they’re doing.” I’m seriously considering giving up with regard to finding out the gender of this fetus. I think it wants me to be surprised.

Finally, I got fluids and antibiotics and was sent home after seven delightful hours!

When I got home Ari was still awake (my dad had been hanging out with him) and watching Blue’s Clues. I took advantage of this time to eat an exciting dinner of toast and white rice. After that, I read him “Click Clack Moo” and we fell asleep.

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