The other day, I was in the kitchen unloading my excessively healthy groceries. I went to put the organic sugar on the shelf when I noticed a sticker on the back of the bag; it read:


Well, you can imagine how excited I was. I love free things and I love to cook! So I read the terms and conditions of the offer. It told me that I needed to collect $10 worth of proof of purchase UPC labels from the Hain Celestial company. This company includes: Earth’s Best, Arrowhead Mills, Spectrum, Hain and many more sub-headings.

I might as well hold stock in Earth’s Best at this point, so it was an easy feat. But then, to my dismay, I lost the label advertising the cooking class! So I did what any internet savvy person would do; I googled the class. I found the offer advertised in three seconds, here.

When I went to the site, I immediately realized that I could not cash in on the offer, because I lost the sticker which contained the secret code that enabled me to take the class! I thought to myself:

I can’t just give up! It’s a free cooking class!

So I contacted the Hain Celestial customer service department at 1-800-434-4246. I spoke to a representative and explained the situation to him:

“Hello, I am interested in taking this free cooking class. I’ve collected the relevant amount of UPC labels, but I can’t input the code for the class because I lost the sticker. Is there anything you can do for me?” I pleaded with this man.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t have the capability to generate another code for you.”
“But sir,” I continued to plead “I have the product that had the sticker on it. Can’t I just read you the UPC number? Can you find the code that way?”
“Sorry, but it doesn’t work that way. Why don’t you just buy another Hain product? Then you can get another code for the class.”

Well, now I was infuriated. This man was telling me that my hard work of buying loads and loads of healthy food was going to waste! And he was sugesting that I go out and buy another product when I had already fulfilled the terms of their offer!

I demanded to speak with a supervisor.

The supervisor got on the line. I re-explained the sitaution to her. In my opinion, I am still entitled to this free cooking class. I have the appropriate amount of UPC labels, so what if I lost the sticker associated with the products. I have the products themselves. I told her that the other representative sugested that I buy more product to compensate for the loss of a plastic sticker. She was sympathetic, but not much.

“I’m sorry that the representative said that to you. I can send you some coupons for Hain products. But you must understand that there are rules and regulations to any offer. We cannot generate a code for you.”

I told the woman that I have a toddler who could have potentially eaten the sticker, or ripped it up. I don’t know where this blasted sticker was! But did she care? No. She simply asked for my mailing address to send me copious coupons so I could buy more product.

I don’t want coupons. I want my free cooking class which I am entitled to.