Is it too early to get couples counseling?
Couples counseling isn’t just for people who have been together for years and years. You can go into counseling when you’re having problems with your partner within a period of months. It depends on the relationship, and there’s no right answer as to when you’re supposed to be in therapy with your partner. Every relationship is different, and every connection is unique. Some relationships are instant connections. You might meet someone and hit it off right away. You bond, talk for hours on the phone and find that you’re symbiotic. That’s a beautiful beginning. Then, down the line, you begin to notice differences between the two of you. There are things that make the relationship strained, and you can’t seem to work the issues out. That’s where therapy can help.
Making it work
When a relationship is important to me, I want to make it work. There have been instances where I’ve been in intimate relationships, and there have been problems. I’m a huge believer in therapy, so I believed that even though we were in the new stages of things, couples counseling could help us. Unfortunately, I never got the chance to try it in a new relationship, but I have tried it for a long-term relationship that I was in, and it did help. But, I think we need to get rid of this myth that couples counseling is a sign that there’s something really “wrong” with your relationship and that it’s headed for doom. That’s not the case because therapy can help people with so many different things. We don’t judge people for getting help preemptively for other stuff, so why are we judging people for preemptively getting help with their relationships? It’s not something that you should judge anyone for. I think that if you’re getting help for your intimate relationships, you’re taking a proactive step.
Stop judging people for getting therapy in general
Whether it’s couples therapy or individual therapy, who the hell cares? If somebody wants to get help for their issues – whether it’s with their partners or themselves – let them do it! What business is it of yours to judge someone for getting therapy? I remember mentioning to a couple of friends that I wanted to get help for this relationship, and they were like: “isn’t it early to get couples counseling?” I was like “wow, I feel really judged right now.” it made me second guess myself and not push the process forward when I probably could have salvaged the relationship had my partner at the time and I went to couples therapy. I don’t know how I feel about that; I have regrets about not trusting my gut. But, let’s look at this situation, and stop therapy-shaming people. If somebody wants to get treatment for whatever their issue is, let them do it, okay? It doesn’t make sense for people to tell other people what’s best for them.
What’s best for you?
So, whether you’re working with your partner in couples therapy online or maybe you found somebody in your neighborhood, whatever it is, you don’t have to explain or justify why you’re working with a couples therapist. It’s not anyone’s business, and I wish I had listened to my own intuition because maybe, I would’ve been in a different place with the person I was with at the time. And I’m not ever going to tell someone why they “shouldn’t” get therapy, because I have judged people for getting help with problems that I thought they could fix on their own, which is stupid – why did I do that, you know? I don’t know. But, let’s not therapy-shame people.