I feel the water in my lungs and I want to cough but I can’t find a way to get the liquid out of my body. It’s disgusting and terrible, but nothing matters anymore so I’ll just let go and relent into the pain of now know when or how it’ll happen. Maybe you killed me, or I killed myself.
I wasn’t able to speak about how I was hurting so instead I sunk to the bottom of this lake. So why didn’t you come find me? I don’t understand. I know I shouldn’t have waited for you. You said you had somewhere to be.
It’s going to be okay here. I can see the minnows and some rocks. I wish I could cry, but I can’t because I’m choking on water and I’m surrounded by water anyway. What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you?
I’ll just lay down for a while and rest my eyes, even though I can’t see anything. I like the darkness.
I’m scared. Will you save me? I’m chained to the rock.
There’s electricity in my hands. If I focus hard and long enough I can break these chains and swim to the surface. Do you want me to? Can I see you again? Do you want to see me? I don’t know.
I’m not Sylvia Plath.
I’m not J.D. Salinger
I’m me, and I don’t want to die, so I won’t. I promise.
My hands break the chains and I push myself to the surface of this pond. I cough out the water and bile. I push my hair out of my face and swim to the edge of the lake. This is the beginning.