1. The lettuce is bruised.

  2. It’s the wrong kind of lettuce – Romaine instead of iceberg.

  3. You bought cabbage and thought it was lettuce because you are a moron.

  4. The lettuce expired.

  5. It wasn’t lettuce, it was green yogurt. You thought wrong.

  6. It was a lettuce robot dressed like lettuce.

  7. The lettuce was actually a robot.

  8. You thought the label read “organic lettuce” but instead it just said “lettuce.”

  9. You bought the lettuce thinking it was a good source of vitamin C, because it is. But then when you took it home and opened it you had no desire to eat it, because it was lettuce and not cake.

  10. The lettuce gave you a dirty look as soon as you left the supermarket.

  11. It wasn’t lettuce at all, but rather your ex-boyfriend. He was bad in bed too.

  12. You bought the lettuce because it seemed like a good idea and it was sitting so nicely next to the broccoli. But the truth is, you don’t like lettuce or broccoli that much. But your doctor said to eat more vegetables.

  13. You saw a commercial for lettuce and felt compelled to buy it. But once you got to the cash register, the cashier was actually an evil super villain whose power was to shoot lettuce lazar beams from her eyes.

  14. Your friend Veronica told you that there was a new religion where people only worshipped lettuce, and she suggested you buy some. So you did. But then when you got to her house, she told you that she was playing a joke on you because you are extremely guidable and devoid of spirituality.

  15. Lettuce was purchased by you because it has a lot of fiber. But you have irritable bowel syndrome and sometimes you over do it with the fiber.

  16. You had a dream about lettuce so you went out to buy it because you thought it was a premonition. It turns out that all you have is this head of lettuce.

  17. Healthy people eat a lot of salad. You wanted to be healthy so you bought lettuce. But you also don’t exercise. So oh well.

  18. Your cat looks like lettuce and you wanted to get her a friend.

820 other reasons inserted here.

  1. You thought the lettuce was talking to you asking you to buy it. But it turns out you were just sleep deprived.

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