I’m my own worst critic. Every day I wonder “could I have done that differently? Was that good enough? Did I do my best to help that particular person?” Even as I am writing this article I’m meticulously inspecting each and every word. I attribute my critical nature partly to my astrological chart. It’s hard to have a moon in Virgo sometimes. Being critical is part of who I am.
Writers are by nature critical beings. We are trained to dissect things. We crack them open and analyze every little thing.
The trouble is, when that criticism takes over. When you no longer seem to have control over who or what you’re breaking down and analyzing.
Yesterday, I had what I would describe as a Rewire me moment. I was in therapy and I was talking a mile a minute. I was describing to my therapist a traumatic event that happened to me in 2001, when she stopped me.
“I don’t want to hear the rest of the story.” She said.
“Because you are rushing through it,” my kind therapist said. “I want you to sit with the feeling that you’re having right now. What did you feel in that moment?”
I was shocked. But she was right. She wanted me to be with myself. She was asking me to stop analyzing. Stop thinking. Just be. I panicked. I didn’t know how to do what she was asking of me. In that moment I recognized that I had been running from myself when what I needed to do was embrace myself.
“Close your eyes.” She said “And feel what you felt in that very moment.”
So I closed my eyes and breathed deeply into my heart. I channeled the sadness, the anger and the confusion and I forgave that frightened 21-year-old.
I forgave her.
I no longer viewed her as weak or less than, which I had in the past. I felt empathy for her. I loved her in that moment and truly forgave myself.
This was my Rewire Me moment. Rewire Me is an online community where you can transform critical thoughts into affirming ones. This community integrates ancient practices with modern scientific in order to achieve spiritual and psychological balance.
I’m grateful for my moment of self-forgiveness. I’m hopeful that as I continue to look inward, I can forgive other parts of myself and ultimately feel less like a series of jigsaw puzzle pieces more like a whole picture.
This article was a sponsored piece for Rewire Me. All opinions expressed are my own.