I woke up to the sound of Samara crying. “Get her…” Wil mumbled. He had already given her a bottle of milk two hours ago, and she was up again. I got her, put her in her booster seat and made her oatmeal and yogurt. As I was feeding her, I heard the bathroom door opening and closing.
“Ari, do you need help?”
No response. I waited.
“Ari, did you poop?”
“I need help!”
I open bathroom door and there is a giant mound of diarrhea on the floor.
“Sorry mommy,” He says with a frown. “I tried to go to the potty, but I didn’t make it.”
“It’s okay, next time just go on the potty okay?”
“Okay…” He mumbled looking at the poop.
“I have to clean this up now.” I said groggily “WIL!”
“What?! I just want to sleep!”
“You need to get up because I can’t do everything! Please feed Samara breakfast!”
Grumble, grumble. He does it.
After I am done cleaning up massive amounts of poop and sanitizing the floor, I take a much needed shower, while Wil plays with the kids and irons clothes for work at the same time, then I make my coffee and turn on my computer to check my email. Maybe someone emailed me some fantastic news, wants to tell me how awesome I am, give me a job, or (even better) send me a check for $10,000.
Instead, I got a message from the principal of one of the schools I sub for, it said:
“Where are you?”
Uh oh…it turns out I was supposed to teach today. I mixed up the dates, and I thought she canceled today. But she really canceled tomorrow March 7th. I’m a moron.
She’s never going to call me again. I should join the circus.
I should apply to work at Trader Joe’s so I can get a discount on groceries.
Or maybe…I just need….
Clearly I can’t control my own calendar. I also (by the way) have a lot of trouble spelling the word “calendar” without the use of a spell check, sad isn’t it?
But yes, I think I’m on to something.
I can’t afford to pay an assistant. But, I am really good at making cookies, and giving advice. Could I pay someone to organize my schedule in exchange for cookies and/or life coaching?
I think so!
So, if you’re really good at time management, love cookies, and you need some advice about…anything, I can help!
Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org to apply to be my assistant.